The Blog: Spellbound by our own imperfect lives...

I recovered from (or started to calm down about) the dip into the dark side when I learned of my friend's cancer recurrence. Then last night, we learned that Betty, who has been a part of my family of friends for many years, lost her brother suddenly and quite unexpectedly over the weekend. He was 57. I was stunned. No medical problems, no history of disease, active young father whose parents lived well into their 80's...and suddenly he is gone. Like a whisper. To say there are no guarantees in life is an understatement. For a powerful read on optimism even in the face of uncertainty, read this: Rethinking the Placebo Effect by Maria Popova . Something I have known for a long time...a little bit of realism goes a long way. And I would say I am a self-enhancer. You'll have to read the blog to find out what that means! Our funky little truck has a shot at being painted by the art center folk and driven in the 4th of July parade. How much fun would that be? The fellow wh...

Yesterday was kind of a dark day for me, for many reasons. Sometimes it happens. I reached out to some friends who were right there for me...on FB, by email, by phone, or in person. Today is much better. I started today in much better spirits. We had coffee on the porch, then went for a long walk by the hospital. Such pretty meadows up there...and we saw a bluebird! I picked a bouquet of wild flowers and Regis took a short video of the wind blowing the grass. I'll share it here if I can ever get it to load. Michele, Teresa, and Mary...haircut party! Flowers and red teapot Delicious chicken salad with fresh greens and strawberries from Betsy! Woodrow Call Woodrow tormenting Gus. He jumps right on Gus's head. We took a drive to Mankato to pick up my Vitamin B12 and the syringes I needed. Walgreens charged me four bucks each for them. I can buy a hundred online for twenty bucks. Does that make any sense? Regis grilled steaks and mush...

At my urging, Regis bought himself a man bag to carry his essentials, of which there are many. Wallet, glasses, keys...you know. We got quite a chuckle out of the wording on the outside of the bag. I wonder what they meant to say. Yesterday, Betsy, on the left, picked me up at 8:30 and we went to Guenther's for breakfast. As we were almost ready to leave, in walks Edna. She joined us for a few minutes and we had a fine visit. Betsy dropped me off here for an appointment with Dr. Anderson. The night before, I had developed what I learned are called flashes and floaters in my left eye. Of course, after diagnosing this on the internet (and getting more and more fearful every moment) I called the emergency number for my eye doc. He said it sounded like posterior vitreous detachment, a common occurrence as we age and I should be seen the next day. So here I was...eyes dilated. Turns out, that is exactly what it was with no evidence of retinal involvement which is the...

Yesterday when Betty and I went to Mankato for the Art Walk, most of the roads in the area were closed. We had to go almost to Nicollet, come out in North Mankato, and then cross town on 14 to get there from here. It wasn't so inconvenient for us because we were just horsing around but for some people, it was a major butt burn. Today, roads between St. Peter and Mankato are open. The Art Walk was a hoot of a time. Some of the sculptures we liked very much...like this one of the sea turtles. Some were more abstract and we, with our pedestrian cultural minds, didn't get it. We had a nice lunch, browsed a few shops, and headed home for some relaxation about 3 o'clock. This morning I went to Livestrong with Michele. They thanked the volunteers at the end but I feel I take as much as I give there. We worked on endurance. Andrea, who is usually quiet, shouted at Laurie and I to get moving...if we could talk that much we must not be working very hard. Ha! We ...

This is a real picture taken by Regis sometime this morning. Roads and bridges are closed all over the place making it difficult to travel anywhere from anywhere else. There have been mud slides on the steep hillsides of 169, the 99 bridge is closed, and the 22 bridge may close soon. Henderson, a tiny town to our north has had three houses damaged or washed away by mudslides. Many people have water in their basements. Fortunately, there have been no injuries and people are using common sense. I don't know why the road closed signs seem apropos today. I haven't been writing much lately and I miss it. I think my routine changed...rather than sitting in the office in the morning, we are having coffee on the porch. I can't write very well on my iPad and have gotten out of the habit of using my laptop. I liked using my blog as a place to not only document some of the events of our lives but also to just see where the writing takes me. Sometimes it takes me down a winding...

I didn't mean to alarm folks who read my blog post last night. I hope you read the one I wrote just minutes before the down and dirty one. It was joyful and optimistic...the way I feel most of the time. The cancer fears come on suddenly and harshly and the way I discharge them is to write about them. I had a wonderful weekend but then this little black cloud covered the sun for a minute and I had to write about it. In fact, as I look back over my 2,000+ posts, most of them are joyful and optimistic. But when dark thoughts come into my head, I can't unsee them, but write them down. So, don't panic and think I am cowering in the corner or poised on the edge of the bridge. I am living my life. Aging abundantly.

Since I was diagnosed with cancer, my world has been askew. I worry about living and dying. I can't concentrate. I can focus on one thing at a time.  I feel malformed. I don't know if this will pop up in my bones? Bone Cancer? I walked the survivor's lap last night but I don't feel like a survivor. I felt like a fraud. I haven't survived. I am terrified. What if my future is metastisis and hospice? I want to live to be 100+. Karen, let's get together on a tropical island and drink margaritas. I love my life. I do not want to die young.

I have been thinking a lot about imperfection lately...in my home, in my garden, in my self. I think a guy can become too obsessed with fixing everything that is imperfect but I am trying to move to a place in my life where imperfection is ok. Everything does not need to be perfect. I like the little nick in the cupboard door where it bangs the clock if you open it too wide. I appreciate the red bud tree with the bark scarred from woodpeckers. It has a few dead branches but it's shape is interesting and it provides some shade for my garden. I'm not concerned about the lack of finished edges on our porch windows. We meant to do it but somehow never did. It's just fine the way it is. Two weeks ago, when I published on Facebook, a picture of my friend Maude, I was not at all surprised at the number of people who knew her. A magnificent force in the world, Maude is. Who else would participate in a radio show called Polka til You Puke? I was surprised to see the name of an o...

My garden is just lovely this summer. I have worked hard on it for the past year. I love to sit on the little bench and watch for people to come to the little library. This is for you, Mom!

There are lots of projects churning through our house this weekend. I'm painting my little free library. Regis is in charge of mounting the post which requires a post hole digger.  I'm tidying up the house Even vacuumed.  Possibility of some yard work being done.  We would like to get in some grilling.  Also might attend tonight's Grind Fu Cinema. Busy day. That's an ambitious plan considering I slept for 90 minutes last night. I tried to take a nap this morning but sat bolt upright after 45 minutes. Even as I write this, I feel the need to rest. Haha. Maybe I'm just lazy. A couple weeks ago, I told Regis I thought the city job of driving a little vehicle and watering flowers would be fun. Days later, he came home and said he saw our friend Maude doing it! We saw her on the street Friday and had to stop and take her picture. She is such a hoot. The story gets better. I posted this picture on Facebook and an old Mankato friend of mine saw it said she a...