down and dirty

Since I was diagnosed with cancer, my world has been askew.

I worry about living and dying.

I can't concentrate.

I can focus on one thing at a time.

 I feel malformed.

I don't know if this will pop up in my bones? Bone Cancer?

I walked the survivor's lap last night but I don't feel like a survivor.

I felt like a fraud. I haven't survived.

I am terrified.

What if my future is metastisis and hospice?

I want to live to be 100+.

Karen, let's get together on a tropical island and drink margaritas.

I love my life. I do not want to die young.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Maybe it would be better to concentrate on today. None of has a lock on living to be 100. You could be killed by a car tomorrow and it would be a shame if your last thought was, "And I was worried about the cancer?" The date you are destined to die is already carved on a wall somewhere. You can't do anything to alter it, so enjoy the years, days, or minutes you have remaining.
8:23 PM
Anonymous said…
I agree with anonymous. Everyone's life is uncertain. Why do little children die? It sounds as though you enjoy life. Keep on what you are doing and remember you add a lot of beauty to this world just by being here.
7:02 AM
Anonymous said…
Oh Teresa, you have written my thoughts exactly. These thoughts ricochet around my head too, no matter how hard I work to banish them. It's not a constant thing. I, too, have a full life with loved ones all around and work that is not really work because I enjoy it so much. I have a garden and koi pond that I sit near with my morning coffee. I'm 2 years out, and have hair! Energy! Life is good! ...and yet.... I know it sounds like such a cliche, but all we can do is wake up every day grateful to be alive, and to put our love out there in the world. Jeanie
9:25 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

festival of winter fun

Here's a link to the Free Press site where you can find a video and a slide show with audio of the Polar Plunge. Here's the slide show of Sunday's festivities. Jane and Dick had planned to leave on Sunday but how can you pass up the Polar Plunge and a Blastfest?
Read more

weekend

Regis and I went to the place for dinner where when you used to go there the bait shop had a better bathroom than the restaurant. Not true anymore. The bathroom is lovely and the beer is cold. Those are not in order of importance. I went swimming today and the water was a gorgeous temperature. I didn't want to get out but I was alone and it got a tiny bit boring. I tried treading water and watching television through the window but that didn't work so well. There was a monkey and that's all I know. I can count quickly five people I know well who have lost their jobs or who are fearful of losing their jobs. Scary times. Regis says the atmosphere at his work is awful...people think that on Friday they will come for them. We're going to see Dean McGraw at the Bothy tomorrow night. This is one of the best shows in town for fifteen bucks. You can have some popcorn, sit in the front row, visit with the Doctor Daniels , and hear some fine music. Sometimes Dean has us sing an...
Read more

weekend reading and viewing: these are links

Great article on grammar and spelling snobs. Roger Ebert's review of the movie Doubt . Review of the book by Michael Greenberg, Hurry Down Sunshine . Article about local pigeon show judge who was my geography instructor at MSU in 1970. Police log from Dutch Harbor, Unalaska. Latest ultrasound pictures of Alex. There you have it.
Read more