The Blog: Spellbound by our own imperfect lives...

Yeah, that thing about too many things on the list. That was Sunday. So, I let go a little and today I can barely walk through the kitchen. I was gone a lot yesterday and only stopped at home after buying groceries long enough to unload the bags and put the cold things away. The kitchen floor is littered with full and empty grocery bags because by the time I got home at the end of the day I didn't feel like doing one more thing except eat and nap. Sigh. I promised Gus a walk today and I promised myself an hour in the sunshine. Maybe we'll walk over to see the little kids at the park. Gus loves kids. There is fall in the air. A few yellowed leaves are falling, the air is chilly in the morning, and the light has a different cast, a warmer color. I'm thinking meatloaf, baked potatoes, chili, cornbread. A small fire on the patio, a visit to the pumpkin patch soon, and back to school. Getting up and starting my day's mission. P.S. We added another baby to our bro...

I like to think of myself as a person who can say no but I'm starting to get the notion that's a fallacy. I think I'm quite good at feeling irritated when I am doing something I don't really want to do but the inkling says that I am not so good at predicting that and saying no at the start. Most often it's things I put on myself. Since I retired, I've been telling myself that I should get my addresses organized. I have a big pouch full of envelopes, a notebook filled with scribbled addresses, lists of addresses organized by such titles as Small Saums or Friends in Iowa , and sticky notes with phone numbers and no names. I have to try and remember from the color and condition of the sticky note where I might have been and whose number I might have written down. Right. This summer I decided that the mess is just fine. I know where to find an address when I need it. Same thing with recipes. I keep trying to organize them and keep them organized but i...

As we get out of the car after a four hour drive we are welcomed by the smell of pine trees, hugs, and " we are so glad you are here". This is the third year year my nephews and nieces have had a first cousin reunion.   I am privileged  to be invited as I am the only auntie in Minnesota.  This year however my 94 year old sister is coming from Seattle, Washington.  Does this mean I have to give up my throne?  Everyone treats me like a queen and I have grown accustomed  to being the queen. I am staying with Greg and Becky on Lake Tulaby. They have a wonderful home; you can tell Greg is an avid hunter as he has deer head mounts and also a huge elk rack.  Their home is delightful  and  they are a great host and hostess.  I have a wonderful bed and a bathroom just a few steps away. Ah ha , the big moment has arrived.   My sister and Punk are here. Jean has not been here for many years and Punk  has not been here since...

My garden has been neglected lately. On the days when I have time to spend trimming or gathering, the weather or my schedule have not cooperated. It's a beautiful day today and I have the afternoon free so maybe this is the day. I'm starting to think about fall. I feel pretty lethargic all summer. Toward the end of August, my ambition picks up and I think it's an ancient impulse, the reptile brain that makes it so. Days are getting shorter, nights are cool, and I am thinking of getting ready for winter. A priority this year is protecting myself from the dark days. My goal is to be outside for an hour a day to soak up the sunshine. I can always walk to the coop or the library...it's rarely so cold that it's impossible to be outside. If I don't want to linger in the cold, I can sit by the sunny windows. There are things to do in the garden before we get too deep into fall. I'm moving the Joe Pye weed and the veronica. Both need more sun than I can give t...

I went to a reunion of the Round Barn Syversons on Tulaby Lake a few weeks ago. There were five generations there, my mom (87) and Aunt Jean (94) being the oldest. Ryan was the youngest at 4 months. Shirley Saum and Jean Rhinehart The Queens I've been mulling over my thoughts and feelings since I got home. I might have to write this in short observations at this point, before I lose the ideas. This is a picture of my maternal grandmother, Josephine Matson Syverson, in front of their homesteading cabin in Joplin, Montana in 1914. I can't even think of what to say about the hardships they must have endured. It looks about the size of a small fish house. Imagine the summer heat and the cold winds of winter. Not a tree in sight.  My grandmother and grandfather, Bennie Syverson, a few offspring later. I don't think that homesteading thing worked out so well because here they are in improved digs. If I study the children's faces, I can see cousins of m...

In the breach between sleep and awake, I wrote a great blog post with a catchy title. By the time I was fully awake, it had disappeared. So much for mental composition. I'm using my laptop while I watch the news about possible nuclear war, the blundering fool in the white house, people in positions of power and authority who are doing things I swear my eight-year old grandsons would know better than to do, and the heartbreaking funeral for the young woman killed in Charlottesville. Someone said we should stop saying it's unbelievable because, really, by this point it is all very believable. Which is, itself, unbelievable. On a happy note, Easton is pure joy. In the last few weeks, he has learned to laugh aloud, sit up by himself, eat Cheerios, and shake his head no. I've noticed that over time, his awareness has grown. He wants to know who's in the room. he pays attention to the pets, and he is not content to just sit passively on my lap. He's ready to go! Win...

I think I am busier now than when I worked full time. Then, I had a job I went to from 8-4:00 and I didn't do all this running around. All of it is good and most of it is fun. Being able to spend so much time with Easton as he grows from babyhood has been a wonderful gift and I'm so grateful. Friday, I had these things to do: something at 9, 10, 11, 2:30, 4:30. Whew. I'm obsessed with the news, too, and I can't apologize for that. The world is a different place than I thought it was two years ago and I am afraid. I have to check every morning to see if we have entered into a war with another nuclear power. I have to watch as the person who lives in the WH switches quickly from talking about white supremacy to shilling for his winery. He is unhinged. I'm going to apply for a PT job at one of the places where I volunteer. It's a lovely place to work, it's very flexible, and I would get to hang out with artistic type folks. Speaking of...Regis was at the do...

Regis and I have cut back severely on the amount of news we watch.  We realized we were watching the same horrific shit show hashed over each hour. Nothing really changes except the talking heads. We have a couple of favorites and we'll stick to those programs. I told Regis I thought I could watch Game of Thrones since I feel like a cultural illiterate sometimes. After reading about it (fantasy?) and talking to Tiffany about the sexual violence, I have given it more thought and I will abstain. I have a very low threshold for horror. I've been busy already this morning. I cleaned the litter box, filled the hummingbird feeders, put together an order for school clothes for Elliot, got two packages ready to mail, printed the address labels, and here I am, writing on my blog. Mom and I are both working on blog posts about the reunion. I have some thoughts about family trees that I'm pondering. And of course, this led me down the rabbit hole of ancestry.com. I am the scourg...

Since I made the commitment to make writing a habit again, I have been scanning through pictures. Sometimes the pictures provoke a memory, sometimes they suggest a theme. This morning, I noticed that I have a lot of pictures of paths. I don't know if that's completely random or a subconscious yearning. I'm not a traveling person. A three-hour trip in the car is about all I can manage. Any more than that and I get cranky. I love being places, it's the journey that gets tedious. Those are my only deep thoughts about the pathways of my life. One other funny thing these pictures illustrate is that one time I learned how to label my photos with my name and the date. My intellectual property, you know. The problem is that now I can't remember how I did it so they will forever be labelled with 2016. I guess I could look it up. End of summer. We realized this morning that we should probably move our Labor Day family party up a week or so. We have two daughte...

In fall and winter, I always feel the weight of loss more than other times of the year. The days are shrinking...last night it was past twilight at 8:30 and this morning it was dark until after 6. I'm already missing the light. I have lost friends. A teaching friend, an internet breast cancer friend, the mom of my oldest friend. Why, when the leaves on the apple tree start to yellow and drift down, do I think of them more often? Summer has gone fast and I have done what I usually do. I have made plans and I have had good intentions but I'm not so good at at the follow-through. I have learned to forgive myself in advance. I tell myself: Yeah that's a good idea but I probably won't get it done so let it go. Some things I am able to advance past the planning stage. I have two packages on the table almost ready to mail. This is a multi-step project at which I suck. I have been able to spend a lot of time with my newest grandbaby, something for which I will always b...