The Blog: Spellbound by our own imperfect lives...

Elliot likes to take the magnets off the refrigerator and then carefully replace them. He always says "cheese!" when he sees the cameera flash. A ham like his Nana! More play with magnets. Peppers and onions for the fajiatas. Regis cooking at the stove. He's quite a chef! We can't wait to get back to grill cooking this spring. Elliot with the magnets again. The table where Elliot hangs out. He loves crayons and paper. Flank steak for fajitas. Our new blue ray player. This was quite the mystery to me. It's wireless but movies from Netflix come right into our tv. Amazing. Elliot's little doggy and blanket. Elliot like to play under the table, too. PopPop at the stove again! Self-portrait...Elliot and Nana.

Regis and I went to Patrick's for a late lunch/early dinner yesterday and I wore the red wig. We called it releasing the wig into the wild since it's never been seen live in public before. Pictures, yes. Live, no. When we walked in, Sarah was behind the bar and she ducked behind the beer taps and giggled. Leila thought Regis was with a strange woman. Well, he was, but it was me. I know this seems like crazy behavior to some people. It probably seems like narcissism or exhibitionism but it's been a very important part of my weight loss transformation. I've been writing a lot about this on my support group message board. I have encouraged others to dress up and have their picture taken as a tool for changing their self-image. Many of my online friends, some of them years post-surgery and thin, continue to see themselves as obese. How can that be? Regis believes that unless you learn to see yourself in a new way, the changes won't last. It's sad to think that ...

I woke up early and had a few cups of coffee in front of the fireplace. I went to the Pulse about 8 and walked/ran on the treadmill for 3 miles. I had 270 minutes of exercise this week. I've been sitting with my laptop since I got home...Facebook, BE message board, email. Connecting you know. Regis made me a most excellent Mexican omelet which is my new favorite food. We found a hot salsa at the coop that we both love. I'll never eat eggs without it again. Not much for plans today. Do the dishes. Pick up stuff around the house. Write on blog. Buy wine. Make a few calls. Is that enough? It's cold and gloomy outside so that's my excuse but the truth is that I'm pretty unproductive. I've decided to retire as of June 30th. I thought all day yesterday about what my Dad would do and I decided he would walk away. Mom confirmed that's what he would do. No two days a week. No looking back. He would walk away. I've already applied for two jobs, one to be an E...

Oh, sure. This is more like it. I took a day off from exercise so I'm sitting here in front of the faux fireplace, dreading the idea of going to work. Dread. Dread. Dread. I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect a guy to do this every day. Make coffee. See if that helps. I wish this was me. Beautiful tall ship named Amazing Grace. Sailing into the next chapter of my life. I feel more like this. It's a tugboat that  hit a rocky shoal then rolled onto its port side and began taking on water, sinking the stern. It narrowly avoided sinking. Ah, life sucks some days.

So you all don't think my life is all silver saddles and Sunday parades. I came home today in a dismal mood. I'm not sure the word dismal should be used to describe a mood but that's what it is. I'm tired. I'm weary. I spend a lot of time muddling around in adult problems at work. Why can't we just all get along? What the hell. I did the dishes, finished the stuffed peppers that Regis started, and now I'm enjoying a glass of wine. I have to be careful of that because even though I hate to talk about my health problems. I have had some weird hypoglycemic issues. Lovely. Disconcerting. Wine is my therapy. What the hell. Regis is counting the money in our change jar. With that cash and my early retirement incentive, we'll be, as they used to say, well-off. Maniacal laughter. I have plans to go to yoga in the morning. Plans in my head that may not materialize at 4 a.m. Getting out of the house in the cold and dark has been a struggle this winter. We...

Well, here it is...Monday again. I'm making an Alton Brown meatloaf for dinner. I have a good meatloaf recipe but this afternoon, I read the article and so I'm trying some new techniques: baking it free form in a bigger pan, sauteing the vegetables (carrot, red pepper, onion, garlic) before their addition, and starting it at 450 degrees for fifteen minutes.  It was delicious but the whole process was time-consuming. We had a big green salad with it. I love to make salads now that I have a pretty salad bowl and a pair of salad hands. I skipped my exercise a few days last week. The cold weather at 4 a.m. was prohibitive. I'm back at it this week and today's workout was tough. Rachel says you don't lose strength that fast but holy crap, I almost wept. At least I didn't have to do any push-ups. Regis enjoyed his first day at work although he reminded me about what a first day at a job is like. You don't know where the bathroom is, where to hang your coat, w...

Today I decided to track my calories for a while. I haven't done this for a long time but want to know about how many I am consuming at this stage of weight maintenance. To that end, I installed an app on my phone. It's called Calorie Counter and it let's me log food and exercise...on my phone. It links to my computer so I can look at it there, too. But, the really amazing thing is this. I had yogurt for breakfast. With my phone, I can scan the bar code on the yogurt and it finds what the product is and logs it for you. What the hell. And this little youtube video will demonstrate that for you. Again, what the hell. Don't watch the whole thing...just up to the barcode reader part. I don't like the "fat secret" connotation or the "diet" message of the whole thing but I think I can block that out. I will not be recording exercise on this thing either because I do that in other ways and like to think of that as completely separate from my weig...

Happiness by Carl Sandburg I asked the professors who teach the meaning of life to tell      me what is happiness. And I went to famous executives who boss the work of      thousands of men. They all shook their heads and gave me a smile as though      I was trying to fool with them And then one Sunday afternoon I wandered out along      the Desplaines river And I saw a crowd of Hungarians under the trees with      their women and children and a keg of beer and an      accordion. We had a little party last night and while we didn't have an accordion, we had some good music and a little keg of nut brown ale, thanks to Tom. It was a good time. Regis made two racks of ribs that got rave reviews. The only complaint is that there weren't enough of them.  It's very cold out this morning (windchill -26) and I can't quite get up the gumption to go ...

Not even two weeks ago, we met a young man and his wife at the bar in Olives in Mankato. I wrote about the dinner here , but didn't even mention the chance meeting that led to the discussion of a job in tech support and the exchange of email addresses. You know how that goes. Sure, we thought. The guy is the day bartender at Mettlers. Yesterday at 5:00, Regis dropped me off at Pappageorge's and he went off to have an "informal discussion" with this guy at the halloween costume company that is growing by leaps and bounds. We drove by it first and it looks sort of industrial, but bright and shiny. Check out their website...they ship costumes all over the world. Regis comes back to Pappageorge in about 30 minutes and calmly sat down to tell me about the interview that wasn't even really an interview. I ask what the next step is. He says he starts Monday. WHAT??? I start to cry and if  our knees were in better shape we would have jumped around the bar.  We just...

For anyone who didn't get our excited phone call after the "informal interview" this afternoon.... Regis got the job! Details to follow!

Who writes that crap for Facebook? The stuff you are meant to copy and paste into your status if you love your daughter, mother, son, dog, etc. Ack, in the words of Bill the Cat. Ack . Could we have an original thought, please? Here is my new grand-nephew, born last night in Moorhead to Nicole and Jason. No name yet. Is he cute, or what???? I read something at the end of Anthony Bourdain's book this morning on my Kindle that I had to copy as soon as I got home. Finding a passage in a kindle book is not an easy task. I realize there is a way to mark spots in the book but I've never learned that. My kindle has a very limited range of usefulness to me. I read it on the treadmill and that's about it.  Here's the passage I read: My Bloody Valentine by Anthony Bourdain At forty-four, I was, as all cooks too long on the line must be, already in decline. You’re not getting any faster- or smarter- as a cook after age thirty-seven. The knees and back go first, of course....

I write sometimes for thinking…trying to sort something out, find the answer, get to the bottom of what I’m feeling. This has been coming to the front of my brain for a while and I started it this weekend, then finished it this morning. I think I’ll post it on my blog but thought I would share it here, too, in case anybody else has similar feelings. Thanks to Donna for the powerful testimonials that triggered the rest of the story! On August 8, 2008 I made the decision to change my life by having weight loss surgery through the Mayo Clinic bariatric program. It will be two years on April 6 th since I had a Roux En Y gastric bypass operation. I feel like I’m moving into a new phase of post-WLS thinking and I want to explore that a little. In the last few months, I have been fascinated with the research about WLS and long-term maintenance. I read a lot before my surgery and felt prepared and knowledgeable. I am not, nor was I ever overly fearful of regain, but now I want to know more...

I'm going to do a Sunday in pictures post today. We went to Suzette's in Jordan last night with Kathy, a childhood friend of mine, and her husband, Jack. They're a hoot. We spent about 5 hours together eating, talking, laughing. I had the seafood mixed grill...lobster, shrimp, and scallops. Delicious. The left-overs will be my dinner with a spinach salad. Regis and I are doing our usual weekend sit in front of the fireplace while we drink coffee and cyber connect. We're making a plan for the day and since we did so darn little yesterday, there are lots of things to do today. Here's my list: Try to get in the garden to fill the bird feeders. This involves snow up to my butt and is not an easy task. Tidy up the house. (Done) Pick up the clothes from the week that I have strewn about the house. (Done) Set the table. I learned this from Mom. If the table is set, I am less likely to pile stuff on it. (Done) Put away the last of the Christmas stuff that was forg...

As soon as I got home from school I took a 25 minute nap, then we headed down the street to Reggie's birthday celebration. He turns 33 on Monday. Amber put on a nice spread of vegetables, cheese and crackers, beans, and hot beef sandwiches. Dessert was a blizzard cake of which I did not partake but the reviews were good. Nice party. We're home now for a brief respite, then we're heading across the street to the neighbor's house for a glass of wine and dessert. What a way to pass a Friday night. It was a stressful week at work and I was not the least bit sorry to see it end. We had a tiny bit more snow today...maybe an inch. Pretty but a nuisance. I've been finding money in my pockets lately. Ten dollars in the pocket of a pair of jeans the other day and four one dollar bills in the pocket of my sweater today. In my horoscope the other day, I read this: When you buy a ticket to the circus, don't be surprised by the clowns. But now I see that the signs o...

That's a fifty percent chance of partly sunny to partly cloudy. I heard a weatherman say that once. I came home and did some weight lifting in my dining room. Fleetwood Mac on the stereo or whatever you call it these days. This is an iPod on a radio thing. It's not a boombox. Have you noticed that stereos got smaller and smaller and now they're getting bigger?  Planned obsolescence.    What the hell is wikipedia anyway? Who writes that stuff? It was cold today but bright and sunny. Regis and I have been drinking coffee like fiends this week, but sleeping well. I didn't even get up to exercise this morning. A new Regis dream. I brought a puppy home and Regis knew it was really an alien instead of a cute pet. It's how aliens had infiltrated our world. Isn't this part of the plot of Men in Black? Regis is studying for his tax test so I'm surprised he isn't having dreams about 1040 forms. I'm too tired to make much sense tonight. Gorgeous su...

This is not me running in the snow and especially not in those shorts. What the hell. I don't even wear shorts to run inside at the Pulse. I usually have on long pants, a thermal shirt, and sometimes a fleece jacket. I have a low tolerance for cold. This picture was taken in St. Peter but we have more snow than this now. This is me in a parka, a hat, mittens, warm boots, and probably several layers of long underwear. I can't remember if I posted this picture before but even if I did, it bears repeating. This is at my school and the piles there are bigger now, too. This is the snowiest winter since 1940. You can look it up right below this post. Regis had a dream the other day that a limo pulled up in front of our house, Bruce Willis (a young Bruce Willis) opened the door, I jumped in and off we went. I think this is because we watched an episode of Moonlighting. This is a video of a donkey parallel parking a donkey cart. Regis had a driving instructor in high school,...

I learned a lesson again. I like to think that the guy who cuts my hair is an artist and I should keep my mouth shut about my kooky ideas regarding hair styles. A couple months ago, I went in for a haircut and told Patrick I thought I wanted a new do...maybe a 70's shag. Oh good grief. Being an accommodating person, he tried to do what I asked and the result, while looking good in the salon, was not something I could replicate at home. So, tonight, in four inches of new snow, Regis hauled my sorry butt back to Mankato to get my locks shorn once more. It's very short, very spiky, and just what I want. The snow is beautiful this winter but it is getting to be a nuisance. I don't remember a winter where it just snowed constantly. Straight down, big fluffy flakes, always a new coating of an inch or two. Every time you get in the car, you have to sweep the snow off of it. Our snow blower is tucked nicely back in the garage so we're in good shape once more. From the weath...

Regis and I took our trip to the big city. We had a wonderful time and aptly met our goals of slothfulness and decadence. Here's a summary: Friday night we braved the sub zero temps and icy wind chill to go down the street to the Pub 500. We had a very nice time there and the barkeep, John P., was friendly. He grew up in St. Peter and graduated from GAC. We had a small order of wings with Norwegian hot sauce. Interesting concept. Also had to try the homemade potato chips. They were delicious but there were many more than we wanted to eat so I boxed them up and gave them to a couple guys on the street who looked like they could use a snack, even a snack of minimal nutritional value. We tried to go to the Red Sky Lounge but they had a buffet for hockey patrons so we were out of luck. We stopped at Blue Bricks for crab cakes. They were delicious but the wine glass was dirty. Buzz kill. Later, we walked down to Number 4 and had a glass of wine in front of the fireplace. Lovely pla...

I am realizing again, how work intervenes in my life. I wonder how it would be to live without work. Do people feel like they have no purpose? Isn't reading and writing all day purposeful? Some days there are challenges that make it interesting and even exciting. Some days not. I'm going to exercise this morning. Somehow, drinking this nice cup of kona in front of the fireplace sounds more inviting. Regis and I are taking a little vacation. In our true style, we are going to Mankato and checking in to the Garden Inn for the weekend. We don't plan to move the car once we get there. It's a lovely place and we plan to take advantage of all the amenities. I'll use the pool and the hot tub. We'll eat and drink at Olives. We'll sit in the pool area and bask in the sun. We may walk down the street late this afternoon to see a couple other places but we have no plans beyond that...slothfulness and decadence are the goals. I read an article in the paper about...

My nephew, Jesse, died seventeen years ago in this low-head damn on the Rock River in Luverne. Low-head dams are called drowning machines for these reasons . My family spent years, after Jesse's death, writing letters pleading with the city of Luverne to at least post signs of the danger so we are very happy, in a bittersweet way, that the dam will be replaced. Jesse's death was one of the great sorrows of my life.