woe is me

Mostly, it has been a good month. I've seen lots of old friends, eaten at some wonderful restaurants, and had a lot of laughs. Mostly, it has been a good month.

Where has October gone? I had periods where I was active and enjoying myself...then I had periods where I felt like this.

Yesterday was one of those. Like the picture.

Early morning, I felt stunned and sad. Weary.

I haven't written my gratitude list or sat with my light therapy for almost a week. I haven’t exercised much. I was signed up to sub in the afternoon but I didn't feel like leaving the house.

I wanted to go back to bed.

I haven’t been reading. I haven’t been doing much of anything.

I feel crazy and frantic.

I haven’t written on my blog. I don’t answer the phone.

Later, I am feeling better. I am sitting in front of my computer and light therapy lamp. I am looking at my rune book, my gratitude list, and a poem. I am looking at my notebook of lists. 

I drew a rune from the bag and got the rune of transformation, integration, and messages. All of those fit for me today.

I read the poem Starfish by Eleanor Lerman. It, too, had important things for me today.

Woodrow is on my desk eating paper and walking on my keyboard. I should let him do that and see what he writes. It could be the message I am supposed to receive.

I did go to sub and it was fine. I love to see the diversity in that school now. Such nice kids, two years in this country, trying to learn high school subjects in a new language. They are very brave.

My friend, Jill dropped off a gift on her way home. I got two birthday cards in the mail...one from the bank. I went to see Mary. We drove home in misty fog. Like the moors, or the moops as we like to call it. Reference to Seinfeld.

Today is my 61st birthday. I have not been as mindful of it as I usually am. No costume, no candy, minimal decorations. But this afternoon, our good friends, Tom and Betty are having the family party. Little kids, big kids, and trick or treating. Elliot has been sick so he can't come and we'll miss him. He called last night to tell me a few things, then said good-bye and I love you. Sometimes...it just makes your heart hurt.

Woodrow and Gus have both been up to eat. Gus likes to go back to bed but Woodrow will probably torment me for a while. I'm on my second cup of coffee and it's only 5:20. Guess I'm ready to start the day.