maudlin thoughts

I know everyone's advice would be to put this out of my mind and think about more positive things. I'm trying to do that and by writing about it, I am trying to get it out of my system.

Two years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. November was a bitch of a month that year and it didn't get better for a long time. But November is what sticks in my mind as the month with the most suck. I go back and read over the blog posts I wrote in November of 2012 and get chills. Meeting with the oncologist for the first time, going to the hospital for the biopsy, surgery, the drainage tubes, the chemo port. Seeing all those bald people. Things about Thanksgiving seem to remind me of it, too, like the clear plastic glasses I had to use for drinks but ended up using for left-over parfaits. I bought some more for this year.

I know it probably isn't healthy to dwell on these thoughts but in another way, it doesn't feel all that unhealthy either. It feels sort of nostalgic. Like I can finally put that whole business in a box in the closet. I can be done with those fears for now.

So, here I go. Out into the kitchen to make pies and cranberry sauce and to think about going for a walk with Gus and Regis and to make plans to have our grandkids over to help cook. Life is good.