winter nights

It's morning but the sun won't be up until almost 8 so it feels like it's still night. 

I left for belly dancing a little after five last night and it had been dark for an hour. That means we had almost 8 hours of sunlight and most of that was gray and hazy. The temperature barely got above zero and it was windy. Now, raise your hand if you want to come and live here!

I read Ian Frazier's book about his trek across Siberia. He wanted to interview the folks who lived up near the Arctic Circle but the further north he went, the drunker they were. They trucked vodka in kegs in on snow mobiles. At the furthest point north, he couldn't meet them in public places because they were too drunk, he had to go to their homes.

I bring this up because I think it's a reasonable and prudent thing to consider how the weather and your surroundings affect your mood. Not saying this is true for everyone.

A few years ago, I realized that winter was becoming difficult for me. I started to get a little manic when the sun went down. I bought and strung many stings of lights, I lit candles, I played loud music. I drank a lot.

None of that helped. Imagine.

Finally, I bought a sun lamp, I saw a therapist, I took an anti-depressant, I tried to change my thinking. This morning, I'm thinking about all of that and wondering how it plays into the big mystery that is my life.

I finished with the therapist. I think she thought she had helped me all she could. Now, it's on me.

I use the sun lamp (day light) religiously. Every day as I write in the morning.

I don't take the anti-depressants any more.

I read two articles recently that made me consider how I perceive winter. I can change how I feel about winter by changing how I think about winter.

The Invitation of December
Autumn Blues: Loss into Life

I just stepped outside in my robe and slippers to take a picture of the moon. Later, Regis and I will go out to throw a cup of water into the air. It vaporizes instantly which is a sight to behold and we never tire of it. I'll fill the bird feeder, feed the squirrels, put suet out for the woodpeckers. I'll put some new books in the little library. Later, I'll make scones, a loaf of bread, and maybe some cookies. Now is not the time to be harsh with carbs.

Winter can be hard. There is hope.