the good, the bad, and the mundane

I was sitting at the table eating my lunch when I saw the pathology report. I had read through it with the PA on Friday but only about a tenth of it stuck with any meaning. Like a flock of little moths in the garden. Since it's three pages of mostly unintelligible medical lingo, I skimmed through it and tried to absorb some more of it today. The PA had highlighted a few things and written down a few notes but it only made sense in a general way. So, I started putting words into google. Words like metastatic. 

Words like metastatic crawl around the outside of my head if doesn't pertain to me. If it becomes personal, all of a sudden it's like a darning needle in my brain. Right in the ear.

Then I started looking up survival rates. Oh, holy shit. This is a concept of which I would rather not be aware.

I'm not reading anymore...at least until I see Dr. Deaconson and the med onc. That's what they call the oncologist...a med onc. I'm learning a whole new language and I think I would rather be learning Urdu. No, I know I would rather be learning Urdu. Whatever the hell Urdu is.

I took two naps today. Both right after my Percoset for pain and Benadryl for itching. It's like falling into a deep hole...I cannot keep my eyes open. Such a blissful sleep for such a shitty reason.

Friends came and took Gus for a two hour walk today. He came home filthy and exhausted so we call that walk a major success.

Last this afternoon, we met Nikki and Scott at the winery. We shared a couple pizzas, a bottle of wine, and some stories. It was a cozy evening by the fire and very good for my soul.

We stopped at River Rock for a couple cookies on the way home. The very sweet baristas hugged me and offered to do anything we needed done. Such nice people.

Regis and I are going to buy groceries in the morning. I usually am way over-prepared for Thanksgiving. I have a binder, I have to-do lists, I have the list of groceries, and I have the timeline. This year, Regis is in charge. We have a list on a piece of notebook paper and we have assigned our offspring to bring a variety of things. I am not worried about the food...I am only worried about the commotion. I may need a nap in the middle of it all.

So, there it is. The good, the bad, and the mundane. Your real life doesn't stop just because you're traveling through a shit storm of medical issues. The dog still needs a walk and a bath, you still need to buy groceries and do laundry, and somehow the dishes continue to accumulate in the sink. I guess the trick is to find things to make you laugh and friends to hug you. And once in a while, go bowling.