The Blog: Spellbound by our own imperfect lives...

This is my last morning routine task. I have sat in front of my light therapy box, I have had my coffee, I have checked in on several blogs, and I have played with Woodrow. It's a good day. Regis and I are thinking about fall. This morning, I am going to pile some yard and garden waste on the curb for the city to pick up this week. Saturday, Ella is coming over to help me put out some Halloween decorations as I have three huge tubs. This will have to be done with Woodrow in mind as he thinks everything in the house is his. I want to get my knitting out and exchange my summer clothes for my fall attire. It could be too early for winter coats yet, but you never know. Speaking of Woodrow, it is almost a relief when he takes a nap. He's like a small, furry two-year old. I'm having a dreaded medical procedure tomorrow which means no food today and only clear liquids. The only good thing about this is the mild sedation. I'll spare you the ugly details. I'm pret...

Woodrow has two speeds. Zero or 100 mph with vertical leaps and half gainers. He is sound asleep in all these pictures. I love that he sleeps half hanging out of the window of his cat condo with his paws on the porch. He has been a delight. It's still dark at almost seven o'clock. I am going to in to use my light therapy box for a while. It's about 70 degrees now but the temperature is supposed to drop all day with a chance of showers. Ella and I would like to walk in the Oktoberfest parade. With braids. Ha! I started my gratitude habit the first day of September and I am happy to say I did it every day. I wrote down three-five things each day for which I am grateful. It did make me more aware of moments in my life to be appreciated. It's raining...good.

On October 1st, Regis and I start paying for our own medical insurance which costs a butt load of money. We're drawing funds from some annuity things we have and we thought it was all finalized. Last week, it dawned on us we needed to make sure that the deposit came before the withdrawal or there would be mighty overdraft fees. I have spent a good part of the day trying to make sure that's all good. Found out the annuity folks took out taxes which makes us short another butt load of money. A wonderful person who does financial stuff for a job (I'd rather pluck chickens.) is helping fix it. What a nightmare. I have been awake since 3 am when Woodrow decided to play on my head. He is slumbering soundly now in his cat tree. I tried to take a nap but was agitated by the insurance fiasco so no nap for me. I should get a stick and poke him once in a while just to get even. Regis helped me peel, slice, and freeze three bags of apples for pie and fill the dehydrator with eig...

It's been a hell of a week. In addition to the two days I subbed in a special ed classroom at the high school, I was trying to climb out of a two-week black hole into which I had stepped. This could be a collection of random thoughts and pictures. I'll try real hard to tie it together but no promises. This is my newly purchased light therapy lamp. The last few years, I've noticed some mood issues in the short days of winter. Like, I could bite the ass out of a live chicken some days. I drape myself in strings of Christmas lights but, while pleasant, they didn't seem to be very effective. My behavioral health (yuck yuck yuck...read: mental health) therapist suggested I try this. I sit in front of it for 20 minutes in the morning, drinking my coffee and reading. I like to think of it as the sunny shores of the office. The bathrooms at the high school have stalls with doors, not unusual, but the locks have this label on which made me laugh out loud. Hiny Hide...

Woodrow started playing around my head about 4 am this morning. I finally got up and made coffee, then looked at the app for substitute teaching. There was a special ed job available in a classroom where I know the teacher. I looked at it ten times, my finger hovering over the accept button, and finally...I pushed it. So, there's my day. My plan was to go back to sleep for a couple hours. I could regret this about 2 o'clock when my biological rhythms go askew. i/.oo  Woodrow just walked across my keyboard and typed that. He is so smart. Regis picked another tub of apples for me yesterday. I think I'll freeze some of them for apple pies for the holidays. Maybe more apple sauce, too. We saw a dead raccoon on the highway the other day. My goofy brain jumped to Cancun, then honeymoon which I thought would be a good poem if I had more marbles. Haha! I better get ready to go to school.

I have been meaning to post these pictures for days. As the subject line says, there are black holes waiting to suck you in and spin you around. Once in a while, one gets me. The html gods are screwing with me today. I can't any of my blogs or posts to format right and now I am going to quit trying.  I made three apple pies in the last week using apples from a neighbor's tree. I think I'll make this short this morning and just try to get back to speed tomorrow.

I'm going to substitute at the school where I taught for more than thirty years today. I have a full agenda to make up for the last two days of waddlesome slothfullness. When Regis picks me up at 3, we'll race over for my eye appointment and he'll leave me there while he goes to another appointment. When I'm done, I'll go to a local establishment and order some take-out wings for our dinner since we won't be home until 5:30. I guess that doesn't look like such a full agenda, once I write it down. That works for lots of things. Think you have a lot of gripes? Make a list. If it doesn't have "no food" and "no running water"...you got nothing to gripe about maybe. If I had the gumption, I'd walk to work. Today...not much. Haha!

Woodrow slept until 5 this morning and I was as grateful for that as I used to be when my babies slept through the night. He slept a lot yesterday, too, and just as with a baby, I could not bring myself to wake him. Doesn't really work anyway. Today, he has been riding around in the pocket of my vest. He isn't really fond of it but I tell him to pretend he's at the carnival. I looked at my list of things to do this morning and told Regis that sometimes I write things on the list that I have already done just so I can cross them off. He said he does that, too, and just this morning he wrote "graduate high school" so he could cross that off. Funny. I've been lingering over this post almost all day now. Not many words for a whole day's work, but as my list shows, I have been busy. I have made maybe four phone calls and answered several more. As I have had a complete aversion to making or answering the phone in the last nine months, I'd say this shows...

I have been writing a daily gratitude list this month. These are some of the things I am grateful for in September. I’m grateful that I have a husband who is so affectionate, so caring, so supportive. He has been a wonderful gift in my life. And he makes me laugh. I’m grateful that I have a mostly positive outlook on life. I always think things could be worse so I should be happy for what is. I’m grateful that writing is part of my life. It has saved me in many situations. It’s the way I think, the way I process, the way I resolve. I’m grateful that I found Mary to help me with hypnosis and EMDR. I'm grateful for all these changes that have brought me to this point in my life. I had a medical appointment this morning and I am very grateful to have access to such wonderful care and such world-class physicians and nurses. Everyone has been wonderful to me through my cancer diagnosis and treatment. I always felt safely tucked in their loving arms. I'm grateful for my litt...

The weekend went so fast. Wedding rehearsal Friday night, Wedding Saturday afternoon... and a kitten that wakes me up at 3 am. I didn't have the most productive days. The setting for the wedding was beautiful and Regis looked so handsome. He does a beautiful ceremony and is so distinguished and serious. We beat the rain by about two minutes. The bridal party felt a few sprinkles but the groom said that is a sign of good luck. I found these photos and this artist on Facebook. I love the idea of using the moon in all these shots. I had never heard of Steve McCurry but apparently he is an iconic (sort of like epic) photojournalist. Check out his work. Amazing...and iconic. Artist: Steve McCurry Artist's website Last week when I walked out to the dog park, I crossed the bridge over the Minnesota River. In the middle, I was gripped by some fear and had to reach out to hold the railings. I wanted to look into the water but couldn't make myself do it. I dri...

Last week, I made a list of nine things I wanted to get done. By the end of this week, I have done two of them. So why do I feel like I've been so busy? I guess I lost a day to eye surgery, then part of the next morning to a follow-up appointment. Sigh. Here's the week in pictures: I walked downtown the other day and then walked out to the dog park to meet Regis and Gus. I look like a crazy old bag lady. Yesterday, we adopted this little kitten from the pound in St. Peter. They, and the place where we bought all the supplies gave us lots of cautionary advice about introducing the kitten and Gus. Gus watches over Woodrow like a mama and licks his face every chance he gets. Woodrow is not the least bit afraid of Gus. Since my eye surgery, my eyes are very light-sensitive. The clinic gave me these very flattering sunglasses. Polarized, no less. Regis took this lovely photo of me as I came home from an errand this morning, then sent it to me with the subject ...

This is a photo taken by my sweet husband after I came back from surgery for my cataract. I know it's a horrible picture but I have lost all modesty about good and bad pictures of me in medical situations. It is what it is. And I yam what I yam, as Popeye used to say. I haven't been able to see well enough out of either eye today to write or read much. Maybe my right eye is lonely because my left eye is messed up or maybe there is a more scientific reason. Whatever. I was also half kicked from the Versed which is nice in that it lets you sleep away an afternoon and not nice in that you are not the least bit tired when night comes. I guess if a guy had some self-control and would stay awake even when sleepy, it wouldn't be such a problem. Well, that guy is not me. When the nurse asked me if I had any problems with mild sedation, I said, "No, I actually like a little mild sedation." I would hate to see what they write in my chart. When I went to my pre-op ...

This is the weekend of the 23rd Rock Bend Folk Festival in St. Peter. I've been to many of them...sometimes it's 40 degrees and sometimes it's 95 degrees. Although I am not a fan of extreme heat, I think it's more fun when it's hot. People are up and about more instead of being hunkered down in blankets. There are so many colorful characters, those performing and those attending. You can see Jack Sparrow and his lady friend were wandering the grounds yesterday.  Lone Star, our favorite barbecue place in town, was one of the vendors. The delicious smell of barbecue wafted over the grounds. We had to share a half-rack. Nothing like licking barbecue spice off your fingers on a summer day. This giant puppet from Heart of the Beast wandered the grounds, too. There were two of them and they scared the crap out of some adults I know so these children are very brave. I thought about asking this dude to trade hats with me but Regis didn't think...

I joined an on-line forum for reflection and change. It's very interesting...many of the people are from other countries. I have set some goals, check in each day about my habits, and get encouragement from others about how I'm doing. It's fun because you know how verbose I can be. It's another outlet for my blabbiness. I had a couple of epiphanies this week. One was about my baby books (I had two!) and one was about a folder of papers I have kept since my nephew died. How do these things roll around in your head for years and then pop into your consciousness in a different form? Mary says a guy's unconscious is always processing life experiences. I read through my (quite extensive) folder of writing, too. Some of that shit isn't too bad for an amateur. Maybe I'll try to get it in better shape and organized. I have one piece that an instructor suggested making into a children's book. I think that might be beyond my conceptual capabilities. I also s...

Regis and I have kind of a summer to autumn transition ennui. We're not unhappy, just a little lethargic. It takes more energy to start up the grill, prepare food to cook outside, do yard chores, water patio plants.  Yeah, we must be getting mentally ready for meatloaf and cold weather. Ready to put the garden to bed, ready to sweep down the spider webs for the year, ready to trade out the lawn mower for the snow blower. I'm ready for cooler weather...maybe not snow...but cooler weather. I hate hot weather clothes. I like sweaters and scarves and fall colors. We're listening to KMSU this morning. It's the birthday of the Legendary Stardust Cowboy. Happy birthday, Ledge! If you haven't heard of him:  The Legendary Stardust Cowboy is an outsider performer who is considered one of the pioneers of the genre that came to be known as psychobilly in the 1960s. While sometimes considered a novelty artist, he regards himself a serious performer. You...

Yesterday I slept until 7 am. This morning, I woke up at 4 am to find Regis in the living room drinking tea. He's been awake since 2:30. What gives? My funny doctor, Ruth, not the sex Doctor Ruth, said she thought there were forces in the universe that keep people awake sometimes. I'll go with that. We're much more likely to see this part of the day than the other end. After 8 o'clock, it's lights out at our house. I went to see my regular doctor (as opposed to my irregular doctor) yesterday for my annual physical and for my pre-op physical for cataract surgery. I think I'm straight now on when what is due although she is checking on one test I would rather forgo. You can guess. She is a great doctor...we tell stories and laugh and groan and carry on together. I love it when you can hug a doctor at the end of your visit. I'm working on gratitude this month and it's been interesting. I thought I had a good handle on being grateful but it's nice ...

I started the day by drinking coffee and watching the giant panda cam at the Smithsonian National Zoo. Mama panda and baby are sleeping, all curled up together. Very sweet. I forgot to post the link to the google page for the Labor Day photo collection. Sometimes it's hard to watch the tiny slideshow on my blog. At the top of the picassa page, you can choose slideshow and it makes them BIG so you can really see the details on our old and saggy selves as well as the happy faces of the all the kids. Here's some of each: Elliot and Zoey won the Best Giggler awards at the party.  Facebook is full to the brim of first day of school photos this morning. It's nice to see the excitement of that first day...new clothes, new backpacks, big smiles, loads of enthusiasm for learning. Now, let the education system suck that out of you until you are nothing but a dry husk at the end of your senior year. Wahahahaha! I don't mean that but I couldn't resist the urge to...

We like to have a party to celebrate the end of summer and the beginning of autumn and Labor Day. This year, Betty and Tom graciously offered to host the party at their home. The weather has been so hot and we thought it would be nice to enjoy their pool. Turned out to be more autumn-like than hot and blazing but the sun came out long enough in the afternoon that we could get in the pool. It was a blast.