The Blog: Spellbound by our own imperfect lives...

We went into Lowe's yesterday to peruse the Christmas trees. The lobby was filled with these gargantuan air-filled figures. I started to laugh, maniacally. Of course, I have seen these things in yards but that experience is different from being up close and personal... I would fit in one of Mickey's arms. It's a crazy world. I have ventured carefully back into social media because I missed the recipes and the pictures. I have gotten quite proficient at hiding posts, seeing less from certain pages, unfollowing sites that promote fear and hate, and limiting my experience to things of a more positive nature. It's hard to live in a world where it is impossible to be sarcastic or cynical enough. I am going to concentrate on gratitude for the rest of 2016. Here is my start: Today, I am grateful to wake up in a warm house. To turn on the fireplace, to pet my cat lying in my lap. To sip my coffee and watch the birds come to the feeder. Today, I am grateful for my sweet...

Regis and I went for a walk in the woods by they river yesterday. We had an assignment for our photo club to take pictures at a state park, but being the lazy sort, we opted for a county park. Of sorts. There is beauty in our own backyards, my friends. When Jane was here this summer, she mentioned forest bathing. I found this about it today: This is the healing way of Shinrin-yoku Forest Therapy, the medicine of simply being in the forest. Shinrin-yoku is a term that means "taking in the forest atmosphere" or "forest bathing." It was developed in Japan during the 1980s and has become a cornerstone of preventive health care and healing in Japanese medicine. No phones or Facebook in the woods. No politics. Just the peace of wild things.  THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS by Wendell Berry When despair grows in me and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood...

I woke up this morning to feel a chill in the house. The Nest on the dining room wall, unlike the Nest in the picture, is set at Cooling 64. What the hell does that mean? I have an app on my phone to control it but since I have a new phone, I don't have the password. The front door was wide open, too. Nothing missing...just the maladjusted Nest. Seems like an odd thing for a burglar to do. I got a good start on cleaning up the detritus of fall yesterday but I felt the urge for a nap about 2 o'clock and I am not one to resist so that was it. I was done. I noticed on our way out for dinner that a lot of people have holiday lights up already. That sort of goes against my grain. I like to have the turkeys in the basement before Santa makes an appearance. But they are cheerful and they help move me toward a lighter space. It has been dark and gloomy the past week. I did spend some time last night making a Christmas playlist on Spotify. Since every Christmas album ever made ...

I went back to bed and slept until 12:45. I woke up once or twice to read a bit and to eat some flatbread with Hope butter. I think I am up for good now and my next goal will be to stay vertical for a couple hours. While I am not feeling energized, I am feeling a tiny bit more optimistic. I ordered tickets to The Nutcracker Ballet for Ella and me. We did this for quite a few years when she was younger, then fell out of the habit. We'll dress fancy, see the ballet, then have an early dinner. I'm not mentally ready to begin the next holiday yet but it will be motivation to retire the turkeys and pumpkins. The idea of dragging Rubbermaid totes up and down the stairs again is not appealing. Not yet. I opened one of the Christmas boxes a week or so ago (searching for Santa hats) and was transported by the smell of Christmas. I love Christmas lights so that will be the impetus. I have been thinking about our Christmas movies. I have favorites and try to watch them every ...

Ella likes to dress up for holidays so here she is doing her hair, in her sparkly dress, in preparation to come over and help with dinner. A girl after my own heart. We didn't take any pictures. Well, Regis might have taken one with his phone but that's it. What the heck happened there? I'm tired this morning and, truth be told, cranky. When Regis goes to work, I am going back to bed to read and maybe sleep some more. I'm tired of gray skies, too. I knew, coming onto November, that it is one of our cloudiest months, but the weather gods messed with me and we had two weeks of sunshine before they slammed the door in my face. All the weather optimists out there said, oh how nice, this will make the winter seem shorter. My ass, I said. Three days of gloom and the sunshine that came before it has been forgotten. I would welcome some snow at this point. On a happier note, I am not going shopping today. Regis bought the paper Wednesday and what a waste of money t...

I didn't finish cooking until almost 9 o'clock last night. The cheesecake took a lot longer than I remembered, then it had to cool before I could put it on the porch. A nice thing about this chilly, late autumn weather: the back porch can function as additional refrigerator space. A few of the things I have cooked in the past three days: Apple cake New York style cheesecake Pumpkin pie Cranberry sauce Cranberry chutney with jalapenos Fresh cranberry and apple salad Chris Schull's kale salad Zuppa Tuscano Cornbread muffins Swedish meatballs Two turkey breasts A partridge in a pear tree That's not only a lot of cooking and a lot of food, but that is a LOT of dishes. When I finally went to bed, I read for a while, an Ian Rankin mystery. Usually his books are not so graphic but this one has some creepy chapters. About an hour after I went to sleep, I woke up in a screaming panic...bad guys were chasing me and I couldn't get a sound to come out of my...

One of the reasons I love fall cooking is right here. Nothing smells better than a pan full of cranberries, citrus fruit, and cinnamon sticks. This is on my cooking agenda for today. I realize I am making three cranberry dishes for 14 people. Yeah, so what. I made an apple cake yesterday, thanks Michele for that recipe. Lots of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, apples, and pecans. I made two kinds of cranberries...the old standard and one called Sam's Kickin' Cranberry Sauce. It has jalapenos, onions, apples, and peppers. I leaned over the pan many times to inhale. Cornbread muffins for the Andouille sausage dressing. The first batch flopped for some reason so I made another batch. The Cook's Illustrated recipe. You can count on those folks. I made Swedish meatballs. Sweated onions and butter, nutmeg, cloves. The smell of that burned meatball I managed to drop on the oven floor. Well, it ain't all silver saddles, my friends. Today on the cooking agenda: cranberries...

Yesterday, I got this email message regarding the mileage on my Fitbit. Terrific! You've earned the Penguin March badge! With 70 lifetime miles, you just matched the distance of the March of the Penguins—the annual trip emperor penguins make to their breeding grounds. You're doing swimmingly well! My athletic life appears to be forever linked to penguins. When I was running, John Bingham , the penguin was my guru. He claims you do not have to be fast, a truth I have affirmed many times in my life. Distance runners say the penguins of the world have ruined their sport, but I think the slow folks have just captured some of their fun. I won a medal once for being first in my age group. Turns out I was the only person in my age group, proving that you don't have to get faster, you only need to get older. (I have used that line many times.) I picked Elliot up at his after-school program yesterday. A little girl named Lydia, captured my attention the minute I walked...

I am just passing this along. Chris, on the right, published this on Facebook a year ago, asking for folks to send cards to his brother Joe, on the left. Here is what Chris said: My brother Joe asked today, "Do you think people will send me cards again this year?" I told him I thought they would. He said, "I'm never happier than I am when I get them." For those who don't know, my brother Joe is schizophrenic, and is pretty much a shut-in. He is also a consistent inspiration for my work. I ask folks if they have the time, desire and means to send Joe a holiday card. He loves to read your messages, see where the cards come from. He keeps them and enjoys them all year. It brings him a lot of happiness. Thanks for your consideration. - Chris Mars Joe Mars c/o Chris Mars Publishing P.O. Box 24631 Minneapolis, MN 55424  Pass it along! If you know a church group or a school class who need a kindness project this year, ask them to send cards to Joe.

There were some very precious moments yesterday. I had a little story about the duties of Miss Suzy Snowflake and the little ones enjoyed it. It was enough to bring you to tears when they came around the corner and saw Santa. But. Overall, that was about as cold as I have been in a long time. I was afraid to get off my throne because my feet were numb up to my ankles. I was worried that I would topple into the middle of the highway like a sparkly redwood going down. Timber, as they say. On to Thanksgiving week. I have a few piddly chores to do today, then tomorrow the grocery buying and cooking can commence. We're trying to do the easier version of Thanksgiving this year, not the restaurant buffet version. But we'll see how that goes. I always get nervous in the end and continue my frenzied cooking past the point of sanity. Gus is napping on the couch, Woodrow has gone somewhere to watch squirrels, and Regis is sipping his coffee and reading about political unrest on the...

I agreed to play the part of Suzy Snowflake for the community event today. All I will say about that is it seemed like a good idea at the time. It was 65 degrees that day and I had no clue the amount of glitter this would entail. Woodrow is captivated by my crown so it has required multiple repairs with the hot glue gun which means more glitter is spewed around the house. I was thinking that after this gig is done, I would pitch the crown in the nearest dust bin (that's what they call garbage cans in the UK...too many Rebus novels) but Regis is making noises about the amount of money I spend on costumery. Several ragged segues in this paragraph. I'm not sure how to dress like a snowflake queen when it's 26 degrees and windy. All the google searches I did resulted in costumes that were fairly skimpy for a late November in Minnesota. I heard last year's Suzy Snowflake nearly had frostbit feet because she wore little white ballet flats with no socks. Not this chickad...

There is magic in being able to walk down the street in mid-November carrying a just-out-of-the-oven cast iron pan of maple bacon apple crisp to a potluck dinner. The giant moon was peaking through the clouds as we made our way. My sweet husband was shining the flashlight at my feet because I said a tumble with a 450 degree cast iron pan in my arms and the subsequent 911 call would make an ugly headline. Haha. There is that. There is magic in sitting around a table with friends, some old and some new, sharing Betsy's baked ziti, fragrant basil and plum tomatoes, garlic toast, and coffee. Gentle conversation about politics, laughter about our shared incompetence with technology, funny stories, some of which had no doubt been told before. There is magic in being asked to play Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus at a community event. I text Regis to tell him and he responds with the big NO,  but an hour later, I get a picture of wide red suspenders and a flannel shirt that he thinks will ...

I suppose one day I will be tired of writing maudlin stuff and hiding out in my house. That day is not today. Regis and I are both boycotting Facebook and he is considering deleting his account, but once in a while something sneaks into our conversation and it's off the races. People say we must be kind, we must pray, we must find a way to go on. Let me know when you find the way to go on, friends. Not me. Not today. I can count on one hand the times I have left the house since election day. The troubling thing is that it doesn't even bother me. I am content here. Tonight, we're going to the Third Thursday potluck. Nice people. I am looking forward to it. I have a recipe for a maple bacon apple crisp that I am going to make. All the delicious flavors of fall. We went to Schmidt's yesterday. Now there's a place that is a feast for the senses. I've been working on cleaning up some messy areas in my house. The problem is that I can clean up a shelf or ...

Some stuff in the news has been making me crazy lately. I have not made a secret of that. Regis suggested that I use this blog to vent my anger and bitterness but that doesn't sound appealing right now. I remember after the tornado, when we drove through town, I would shield my eyes from the west side of the street because the sight of Gustavus, bare naked without trees, was too devastating. The other thing about the tornado was that it took a while to absorb all the destruction. The first day, I knew that my living room windows were gone and the back porch had disappeared. It took a couple days to see that my car, parked in the street, had been crushed by a giant walnut tree. Eventually, I was able to see the big picture. That's how this election has been for me. It's been a long time since I have been able to watch the news. Well, really since that whole OJ Simpson white Bronco debacle, but I have managed to squint at a news cast from time to time since then. No...

I spent two days making lefse and flatbread. It wasn't as much work as I remember mostly since I have accepted the instant potato fact of life. There is some kind of sacred significance attached to using real potatoes but I don't get it. Last year in a taste test, nobody could tell the difference between lefse made with potatoes and lefse made with instant potatoes. Don't tell anyone but I have also started using instant potatoes for Thanksgiving dinner. I remember years ago when Maura ordered a bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a diet coke, then spoke this universal truth: You have to cut corners where you can. There you go. Regis took Gus for a walk up on the hill last night. I resisted, having spent two days in the salt mines, but I did agree to sit on the hill and watch for the moon to rise. It was some kind of super moon (seems like we have a lot of those nowadays) and it was beautiful. Much more beautiful than the photo I took. Regis tried to talk to me about exp...

Regis and Gus went for a walk late in the afternoon yesterday. I can't remember what I was doing. Probably cleaning up after lefse making. Tiffany and Elliot came for a while and we watched the squirrels make madly off with a dozen peanuts in the shell. They are so comical. We should have quite the peanut crop next summer. I woke up about 4 this morning. The moon was beautiful again...or still. I am going to remember that. The moon is beautiful no matter what kind of assholish things people say on Facebook. Speaking of which, I am done with social media. I thought I could put myself on a diet and only look at it briefly and sporadically, but, I find myself either blurting bullshit or spending hours writing reasoned responses in my head, which of course would do nobody any good. Not healthy for me. Done again. I made a list this morning of things I should do in my kitchen, like clean out drawers and cupboards. We'll see how that goes. It's good to dig around...

I'm sitting in the leopard chair, drinking Wake the Dead. I have on my old flannel nightgown that I got for a song at the thrift store. It's an Irish import and quite sturdy so I figure I just got someone else to break it in for me. Jay Unger is on the Echo. I love Jay Unger and Molly Mason this time of year. Such sweet and nostalgic music. Woodrow has been sitting in front of the window watching doves and squirrels come to the feeder as the sky starts to turn pink in the west. I got up early and did a crapload of dishes. I hate it when we leave dirty dishes over night and I have to wake up to them in the morning but we do it all the time so I should probably either make an effort to do it differently or just get over it. Ah, the secret to a happy life. We watched an episode of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives last night on the Food Network. Usually we just salivate over the wonderful dishes and rarely go to the trouble to find and save recipes because I hoard enough rec...

I'm only writing another post to keep myself from taking a nap before noon. The only things I feel like doing lately are sleeping and eating. Regis asked me this morning where the bag of caramels had gone that were on top of the refrigerator waiting to be made into cookies. I had to admit, with some chagrin, that the remains were in the drawer of my night stand. I went to yoga and I went for coffee with my yoga friends, two life-affirming things to do. I went for a walk with Gus and Regis. I am going for a walk with my friend, Joanne, later this afternoon. Now, I am going to eat a few caramels and crawl into bed with my book. Gratitude by Barbara Crooker This week, the news of the world is bleak, another war grinding on, and all these friends down with cancer, or worse, a little something long term that they won’t die of for twenty or thirty miserable years— And here I live in a house of weathered brick, where a man with silver hair still thinks I’m beautiful. How many times ...

I am tired of thinking and writing about sad things. I allowed myself a few minutes of social media this morning and sigh it sucked. A small piece of hope and a whole lot of bullshit and apocalypse. We'll be living in a van down by the river. It's hard not to be angry and disillusioned. Then I got up to read that Leonard Cohen had died. He was one of my favorite song writers, right up there next to Bob Dylan. But here's how it is with famous people who die. A year from now I will have forgotten and I'll play his music and talk about him as if he were still alive. Today, because I am a great believer in lists, I am going to make a list of things I can do when I am in the depths of despair which is pretty much a daily thing this week. I'm going to start by sitting in a cardboard box and looking smug. Wahaha. Not really. WWWD, you know. Here's a link to a post I wrote one time when things were bleak. Silver Saddles.   It's going to be on...

I got up this morning in a better frame of mind. At least I took a shower, got dressed before noon, did three day's worth of dishes, and cleaned the litter box. Yesterday, it was every man, and cat, for himself. This morning, I sat in the chair watching the birds. A flock of blue jays, five of them, have been actively feeding and squawking for a few days. I think several of them are young as the bigger ones are stuffing them full of peanuts and corn. They're loud and raucous but I like them. I also had three cardinals, two males and a female. We often have a family come to the feeder all winter. I've decided to back away from social media for a while. Maybe just for today. Maybe everything but Pantsuit Nation. I can't seem to help myself from blurting out "bullshit" when I see it. I shared a post with my mom and some nitwit took it upon herself to argue with me. I was not looking for an argument, so I called bullshit, which I think was richly deserved. The...

  I dragged my sorry ass out of bed about noon and went for a walk. I felt like sitting down every time I passed a place to sit down but I forged ahead, finally making it to a bench on Minnesota Avenue. My hair-do friend, Mary, came and sat for a while. I kept going and made it to the coop. I found beautiful yellow ginko leaves behind the laundromat. They had my favorite dark chocolate and caramel cookies and Ethiopian coffee at the coop. I found a book in their free library. Some folks I knew were looking for a table in the sunshine so I shared my table. We traded dog stories (and pictures) and a few laughs. As I was leaving, my friend Susie came by on her bike and gave me a hug. We talked about meeting for coffee one day.  I am feeling a bit more balanced this afternoon but I'm still not ready to do the dishes.

I went to bed at 8:30 last night, when things started looking bleak. I put on an old flannel nightgown and a pair of warm socks and I crawled into bed with my Ian Rankin book.  I trusted Nate Silver and the others who said this couldn't happen, but there it was, happening, like the pick-up truck going down the street flying the giant Trump flag. It was about the time school got out and I wondered how someone so young could have so much hate and fear. I woke up at 4, writing in my head. Tr y ing to express in an articulate way, what I was feeling. It can't be done today. I can't get past two sentences without descending into bitterness and sarcasm and blame. I feel betrayed, not only by the electorate but by individuals.  I have unfriended and unfollowed people on Facebook. I get a visceral reaction when I read the hateful untruths they post and I can't help myself. It's like finding something vile in the corner of your living room; you pick it up by the co...

It was a gorgeous November afternoon yesterday. Tiffany and I took the three kids (missed Zoey) to Minneopa State Park yesterday. We drove through the bison area first. I didn't realize they would be so far in the distance. They could have been cardboard cut-outs for all I knew. Except that we did see some monster piles of what could only be poop from bison. For eight-year old boys, this is as good or better than the actual animals. I am only sorry I didn't get a picture of it. There were signs all over to not get out of the car. I did scoot out once to get the camera out of the trunk. It would have to be a stealthy and quick bison to have noticed that. Then we went to the falls area. I hadn't been there for a while and had forgotten about the steep walkways, the hundreds of steps, the nearness of the rushing water. I was very nervous and not very brave. I am also a rule follower so when the sign said no admittance, I turned around. Crowds of people were not so...

It's been a good weekend. Yesterday, Kathryn and I went to the Holiday Fare to gather stories. Mostly, people were not in the mood to sit and think...or write. We had a good time, though. Lots of good conversations. Lots of folks stopped by to visit and many took a post card or an autumn leaf to write on at home. All is well. It's funny. Being writers, we could sit and write for hours. It is not daunting. I suggested that if someone had a math table and asked us to sit down and do long division, I would panic, refuse to make eye contact, and scoot on past. Sigh. We have been done a disservice by some who taught us how to write. So sad. Math...that is a whole other subject. As I was leaving yoga on Friday, Michele asked if I would be willing to dress up in a costume and play Suzy Snowflake at the community start-of-the-holidays event. Oh, yeah. I can do that.  This afternoon, my plan is to go to Minneopa State Park with Tiffany and the three little ones, w...

My goal for the next five days is to keep from going batshit crazy. I have done precious little this year to help with the election so yesterday, in a fit of pique, I made a donation, ordered a t-shirt and a hat, and plastered posters all over my front door and picture window. Today, I am going to the thrift store to find a pantsuit for Tuesday. It's hard to keep any measure of equanimity. Very hard. I picked a hell of a time to quit drinking although I'm not sure there is enough wine in Nicollet County to assuage this angst. Breathe in. Breathe out. I organized my Thanksgiving binder last night and started on my grocery list. Tiffany took me out for a birthday lunch and we talked about the menu. She loves to talk about food, too. We are going with a side-heavy dinner...a turkey breast and maybe some meatballs, but face it, sides are what we live for on Thanksgiving. And left-overs. Remember my Thanksgiving parfait? November 25, 2012 This has been my favorite me...

I have left my cranky pants behind for today! I chucked them into the laundry basket and for today's fashion statement, I have gone with the shiny purple tuxedo trousers with rhinestones on the seams. So much better for dancing in the kitchen. I went to yoga in the morning, then for coffee. It is a spiritual experience and I am sorry that it's only twice a week. I have yoga dvds and all the equipment so there is no reason that I can't start my own daily practice at home. Plan to start today. I am also set up to start a daily meditation course online. Is that too much? I went to aftercare group last night and the counselor asked how I felt about "coining out" next week. You don't officially graduate from this group as that would signify an ending. When a person coins out, a medal goes around the group, everyone says something nice about you and wishes you well. I'm ready for that and all that it entails. I spent some time this morning writing a thank yo...