Interminable insufferable winter- unpublished draft

 I haven't written on my blog much for a long time. Some observations about that.

Things got difficult for me in 2016. The political climate and how it impacted my relationships was staggering. I know people who say they don't pay attention to it, but I couldn't do that. It was like someone had pulled the rug from beneath my feet.

I managed to keep my head above water by being obsessive about the news. I would wake up at night to check Twitter and make sure that bombs hadn't been detonated, the rivers hadn't overflowed their banks, and the sky hadn't suddenly disappeared. In retrospect, this wasn't healthy but I did what I could at the time.

I spent a lot of time in my chair, watching the news. Constantly watching the news. It was hard on my physical health even though I did manage to continue working with a trainer at the gym. I even worked, by distance learning, to earn a license as a trainer for senior folks in their own homes. I finished that program in January of 2020, had a business plan, had my promotional materials, and my equipment. I started with one client in February but by March COVID ended that dream. The stuff is in the closet, the business cards are in the trash, and that's that.

My time at the gym ended, too. Like everyone else, the gym was closed and there was no way to continue working with Gunnar. I had known him for five years and he was a huge source of support. It was a terrible loss.

My job at the Arts Center was over for a while. We were closed until summer and then opened with a very limited staff in order to keep our exposure to a minimum. I went back to work in August, wearing a mask, behind a plastic shield, with a limited number of customers at one time. No more artist receptions, no clay center gatherings, no team meetings at the coop.

My yoga classes ended, my art classes ended, my coffee dates were over, my time with my grandchildren ended. Now when I read this and reflect on what the last two years were like, is it any wonder that the days were dark?

We bought a small fire pit for the patio and I spent some time outside, even on the coldest days, mostly with my neighbor friend. In the summer, the grand kids came over sometimes but it was hard to stay out of the house on the hot days. It seemed like  we were trying to get by but it was never the same. There were so many things I ached for, Easton reading books on my lap, going to the little airport, rocking Sully, hearing Elliot in the office playing video games, taking Ella out for lunch.