yesterday and today

I posted photos yesterday of some of the goings on but I was too tired to write much. We went to the HyVee to do the big shopping for Christmas (one meal...how hard can it be?), went to t he gym to work out, took Gus to the park, tidied up the house, made more than ten dozen peanut butter cup cookies, and Swedish meatballs. If anyone breaks into our house and steals those cookies, we know you you are Bob, Regis, and Peter. Probably Alex this year, too.

Today, I make the peanut butter pie and the make-ahead mashed potatoes. Oh, and the salad that Miss Ella requested. Regis got a haircut Friday, Gus gets a hair cut today, and the litter box is clean so we are all ready for Santa's visit.

This is a picture from 2010. See that plaid table cloth on the left side? I can't find it. I have search high and low and it is nowhere to be found. I have the other three table cloths. This one I can remember hanging in the closet but I suppose in my decluttering madness, I found another place for it. It's not like I need it...I just want to know where it is. Dammit. I hate when I do that.

Regis gets a bit annoyed when, at the last minute, I think I need to buy more food. I see this picture and think, "Must have dried fruit and nuts. Must have Schmidt's summer sausage. Must have chocolates. Must have savory cheesecake." I'm trying to suppress that urge but it's hard.

Last year, in the throes of chemo, I didn't even make a menu so I have no clue what we served. I know we used paper plates and plastic forks and knives. I just checked back through my blog archives and I wrote that I had 8 packages of Christmas napkins. They could not be gone so my guess is that the table cloth and the napkins are somewhere together. It's quite a mystery.

Well, I have searched the house again and there is no sign of said table cloth or packages of napkins. Let it be.

only pictures...too tired to write anything

ah, christmas

There was an ugly sweater contest at school yesterday and Tamara was the winner. Actually, she looks great. I was lucky to run into her at the end of the day so we could do a photo op!

Grocery buying and cooking today. Here's the menu:

Meatballs

Mashed potatoes

Corn and blueberry salad

Braised green beans

Keith's warm fruit salad

Christmas tree grapes and cheese

Cranberries

Lefse and buns

Chocolate covered peanut butter pie

Reeses peanut butter cookies 

Last night I read through Christmas letters going back to the late 90s and looked at menus and recipes going back that far, too. I love having my menu archive. And the letters are hilarious, if I do say so myself. I'm working on the current one this week. Probably won't get out in time for Christmas but what the hell. I am working on not feeling guilty about obligations.

I see our ETD is 6:40 so I better get out of my nightgown. They might frown on that attire at the HyVee.

photo enhancing

Regis discovered on Google+, a photo enhancer that not only will make things twinkle and appear like snow is falling, but...it has a "skin softening" feature! Yippee! Look ten years younger with no botox or surgery!

Working on my Christmas letter today.

i am going to be as outrageous as possible while still being appropriate for an educational setting

It's the last day of my six day subbing streak. It's the last day before a two-week break. I have an ugly Christmas sweater to wear, a plethora of goofy Christmas hats to choose from, a Christmas bucket full of M&Ms and candy bars, and some crazy Christmas bells. Might as well have fun.

I can tell you this has been a hard week. I have missed my siesta every day, I am over-stimulated from all the noise and activity, and I'm tired of trying to make middle school kids do things they don't want to do. And I am just plain tired...I don't think I have the stamina I once had. My mojo could come back. We'll see.

I'm very grateful that we have a quiet Christmas season planned. Except for the family gathering on Tuesday, we have no plans. No plans to travel, entertain, or attend parties. It sounds very inviting. Like a tropical vacation without the airfare.

I'm anxious to get back to my long walks with Deb. They were good in so many ways...fresh air, sunshine, good conversation, and some cardio exercise.

Doesn't this look like the Polar Express? Regis took this picture from the dog park. I think the train was parked so the guys could run up to Whiskey River for lunch. Regis isn't sure how he got the snow effect (it wasn't snowing) but it's beautiful. There is a twinkle effect on my picture, too.

I made it through the day in fairly good spirits and without committing a homicide. Haha! I realized why I was so tired this week after talking to Kurt. I have been accustomed to a lot of peace and quiet and there is nothing more stimulating than a high school. It was fun but I'm glad I'm done for a while.

Welcome, Saturday and Christmas week!

update on oatmeal

I am withdrawing my recommendation for the oatmeal. What tasted good in the morning was mostly mush by noon when I ate it. Maybe it was in the liquid for too long.

Today is my fifth day in a row of subbing. I have two more days left. I love the way people smile and say, "Oh, that's so good for you!" when I tell them. They should get a job trying to rassle young people to do things they don't want to do. Then we can talk again. Ha! It's been mostly fun but I am tried by the end of the day. I haven't been vertical for this many hours, this many days in a row for a long time.

I had one of those low blood sugar episodes last night (52) and went to bed after I felt better...about 6 o'clock. I slept until 5 am so I needed the sleep.

Regis and I went to the new Shopko last night and boy, the pickin's were slim. Lots of empty shelves. What's up with that? Christmas stuff really picked over a week before the holiday. Strange. I think I read something about retailers trying to go lean on inventory this year.

Tom and Betty, Woodrow dropped his cat bed (the one you gave him) off the cabinet yesterday and dragged it into the kitchen. We don't know if it was just something to do or if he had a purpose. The thing must weigh almost as much as he does.

Woodrow has perched himself right in front of the computer screen so he can watch the words appear and the cursor move. It's like television for him, I suppose. He is mesmerized.

The rune I drew today is Raido. It tells me to say a simple prayer for my soul's journey. It tells me to not be intent on movement, to be content to wait and while I wait, to continue removing resistance. As the obstructions give way, all remorse arising from "trying to make it happen" disappears. Timely advice for me.

I declined to get up and exercise this morning.  I have two days this week...gotten up at 4 am so I could go along but by afternoon, I am plenty burnt out and cranky. Better to conserve my energy.

Yesterday, this was the Writer's Almanac poem. I love, love, love it.

“The Journey,” by Mary Oliver, from Dreamwork (Atlantic Monthly Press).

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

I don't know why the stupid thing makes this big space after the poem.

I'm going to find someone to laugh with today. That would be a good thing.

woodrow assists with present wrapping

Yeah, not so much. He is highly attracted to any kind of rustling paper or bag. He is driven to investigate. I think store-bought cat toys are over-rated. He pays about zero attention to them. He likes feathers, paper clips, dried leaves, and paper. And boxes. He loves boxes. He will also jump right into the laundry hamper when Regis brings it up filled with clothes right out the dryer.

Gus and Regis, however, were not the least bit interested in the present wrapping.Not like it was a big production. I wrapped four things.

That green thing in the front, not the shiny one, is a cat toy. I have no doubt that Woodrow dropped it there. This morning, he brought Gus's food cup into the bed. I think it was an offering to Regis...bringing something valuable to the lair.

I made the coolest oatmeal for my lunch today. I put a half cup of rolled oats in a pint jar, added about 3/4 cup of milk, a tiny bit of brown sugar, pecans and dried cranberries, a teaspoon of cinnamon and after shaking it well, I put it in the refrigerator overnight. It's delicious! So easy and no cooking! I am not the genius who invented this...it was in the Trib yesterday. They suggested making a week's worth at a time. I only had one pint jar so I didn't do that...but I might in the future.

Have to publish and sign off...almost out of battery!

sunday in pictures

Woody waits on the rug outside the bathroom door while Regis takes a shower.

Gus hangs pretty close, too. Do they think he'll slip out the window?

Woody got behind the dresser mirror and was trying to snag this necklace. I caught him in the act.

Tough duty...being a cat.

We put real lights on the tree because the battery ones suck. Don't waste your money.

My first attempt at gingerbread granola. 

Foolin' around in the kitchen. Love the footwear?

I have that name tag on my pocket in case I forget who I am.

Regis stirs around in the granola.

Best chili ever. What a bite!

ah, saturday

One nice thing about working is that it reminds me of just how splendid the days are when I don't work. I agreed to sub five days next week. I must have been out of my mind. I get a little ornery when I have too many things to do so next week will be a time for going to school and nothing else. Regis will be in charge of all things on the home front.

A student came into the classroom yesterday and said he was having trouble getting his locker open and he wondered if anyone had a crowbar. Whoa. And hysterical laughter. We got it open and didn't need a crow bar.

Regis is dragging my sorry ass to the Pulse to work out this morning. I know I will be grateful when I'm there but right now, it's pleasant to sit in front of my sun lamp with the hood on my sweater covering my head. OK...here I go.

Just one of the beautiful things about winter!

in the holiday spirit

A couple of busy days and I decide to relax in front of the fireplace in my Santa hat and striped tights.

After being short of sleep for about a week, I slept until 10:30 yesterday. Deep and dreamless sleep. It was glorious.

I have another purging project lined up for the weekend. Boxes are ready to be filled.

My lymphedema has improved so much that I may only have to go a few more times. Hurray!

Tiffany, Elliot and I are going to the Nutcracker on Saturday. Ella will dance the parts of a Chinese dancer and blue frosting. It will be fun to see her in this ballet we have gone to for many years. I took Tiffany for the first time when she was about four.

Regis is making clam chowder for dinner tonight while I am at school. I usually have an aversion to mollusks but I learned to tolerate clams in a sandwich years ago. I thought they tasted like deep friend rubber bands. Not unpleasant...just strange. I can't bring myself to eat them off the shell. They look like something we harvested from the creek on our farm.

I better get a move on. I'm subbing today. I think I'll wear the Grinch hat and the striped tights.

day filled with appointments

Monday. I made it. Drove myself to Mankato for physical therapy, grocery buying, another therapy, lunch, and an undergarment fitting. I was home by 2 o'clock. The undergarment, speaking of it, looks like something used to launch cannon balls in medieval times. It's purpose is compression and I guess it does that, so who am I to complain?

The roads were icy going over and there was a dude driving a little pickup 35 mph with a mile long line of cars behind him. I didn't care as my theory it is better if drivers only drive a speed at which they are comfortable.

Tuesday has been a quiet day. I had tea and cookies with my friend, Betsy. Her husband Stan, sent me home with canned applesauce and grape jelly, both made with fruit from their yard. Birds in our neighborhood, known to have sophisticated taste in jelly, will eat Stan's homemade jelly. Or so he says. Haha! We'll see in the spring, Stan! Such nice people...right down the street from us.

Betsy and I talk until we are almost winded. We have a lot in common... same vintage, same issues, same therapy, same interests in buddha inspired living, same attempts to rid our lives of suffering. We talked away a couple hours in their sunny dining room.

I'm sitting at the dining room table with a nice beer and my laptop. BB King on the music player thing. Do I still call it a stereo? I'm watching the late afternoon bird crowd at the feeder.

I cut my hair this afternoon. Hair is one of things I let go of after cancer. About once a month I take the clipper into the bathroom and buzz it myself. It makes Regis nervous so I try to do it when he isn't home. He touches up the back for me.

Here's what Woodrow has been up to. We thought we had it solved with the orange peelings (I even replaced them this morning) then Regis came home to find this:

Waiting for my friend, Deb, to arrive. Her husband of many years died a year ago today in a terrible car accident on 169. Our community was stunned because Jim seemed larger than life. He was my neighbor and the assistant principal at the high school almost all of the years I knew him. He was a hoot which in my book, is high praise. We're going to reminisce, raise a glass to Jim, and watch the winter sun go down.

We're using battery powered lights this year. They have varied reliability depending on the individual light but mostly they suck. The first night we set them on timer (6 hours on and 18 off) and they were still on the next morning. Maybe next year, I'll spray the electric lights with Cat-Off if the smell is not too offensive.

I'm making it through these hard last days of autumn. Shorter and shorter...less and less light every day. Enjoy every day...we're on the right side of the grass. Life is good even when it's hard.

sunday in pictures

Even Kermit needs a nap.

Paparazzi out last night for the cardinals.

Note his little feet just leaving the branch. Nice work, Fritsch!

I saw a cardinal in the back yard today and was stunned by the beauty against the snow-lined branches.

I love this fat little guy against the gray sky.

And I love the eye roll. Elliot would not join in the fun.

Bring out an iPad with this group and you have trouble.

My Christmas portrait.

sun dogs

Ah, deep and dark winter. 

Sun dogs are atmospheric phenomenon that create bright spots of light in the sky, often on a luminous ring or halo on either side of the sun. These have been spectacular this week. We don't get much of the sun this time of year, but when we get it, it's good.

I woke up at 3 o'clock with Woodrow draped across my surgery site, holding my right hand in his two little paws. He was purring madly. I think he knew I should be awakened from this deep sleep in a gentle way. I am awake and having a cup of tea and writing. Eventually he moved beside me but kept his paw on my face. Is this comfort or dominance? This morning, he left a big smelly load in the litter box then strutted into the other room. I think I have an answer to my question.

In an uncharacteristic burst of Friday afternoon energy, I tidied up the clothing monuments and made a box for the thrift store. I tidied up the house, putting away all the stuff I had distributed over the course of the week. I made a nice dinner.

I have a POD (plan of the day). Priorities: short walk outside, walk at the Pulse, bake cookies. I guess that's it. Oh, yes...and the fish house parade. Ella and I walked in this a few years ago and it was a hoot. We had not planned to do it but spontaneously joined up on Third Street. We picked up candy as we walked and then handed it out to kids further up the street. It's bitter cold today and I thought about an extreme weather cancellation but it's only three blocks.

I've been on the phone with Cousin Deb for TWO HOURS. I said it was a record for me but she said she was on the phone once with a friend for six hours. Then we talked about the headset which I don't have. Hence the krick in my neck. Haha! Good to talk to Deb. I can still hear her laugh.

disrupted sleep and runes

If you haven't seen this beautiful spectacle, but sure to step outside tonight to see it. The sun dogs have been gorgeous at dawn and dusk, too.

I was awake periodically all night. It's typical after two days of therapy in a week that I am a dark vortex of sleepless crazy. I got out of bed late to write some things down and feel better this morning.

The rune I drew today is called Dagaz.

Dagaz is the rune of breakthrough in the process of self-change. It's very fitting today. I read somewhere that you can't push a river, you have to be patient and trust your process. I'm going to carry this rune in my pocket today.

These are not my clothes...but they could be. Regis calls them my clothing monuments because I pile things, not only on the floor, but in heaps on the dresser tops. It happens when I am in this mental fugue state. Clean ones and dirty ones mixed up together. It's a mess. But now I'm ready to sort through them, box up the ones I don't want anymore, and give them to the thrift store.

I am working again today. I have subbed 2.5 days this week which is a lot for me and way more than I want to do. I tell Regis I am not a working kind of girl anymore. Both jobs were fun, though. Little tiny kids at South and big kids at the high school. I just find that I can get one thing done a day. If I work, that's about it.

Busy weekend picking up my clothing monuments. Three grand children coming on Sunday. Lots of appointments on Monday. No work until Friday next week!

cat and christmas

Our tree is still lightless and ornamentless. It is not exactly how I envision a Christmas tree but we are adjusting our sails, or as the GPS says, we are recalculating. This is not a big problem in the giant scheme of things. I'm going to Shopko to buy some cheap ornaments so I don't have to dig through my giant tub to find things that won't appeal to Woodrow.

I don't feel much inspiration today and I am blaming it on the weather. We've been in a winter storm warning but so far have accumulated what amounts to a nuisance snow of about half an inch. Yesterday it went from snow to rain and back again. At least it isn't ice...that you can see. Of course, ice that is not visible to the naked eye is the most wicked kind. I am an expert on this. See previous posts on pratfalls.

I got started reading old posts and was amused. By this one in particular:

In a conversation at the party, I was visiting with a couple friends who, I realized, have well-developed BS detectors. See the geiger counter at the top of the page. In the presence of someone who, let's say, blows smoke, both of their needles go boing boing boing. It's good to see that in your colleagues. Sometimes I'm afraid we're in danger of being smothered by intellectual flatulance.
At my school, we are in danger of the real thing. I was gone the other afternoon and Joanne took a complaint of the odiferous kind from the bus driver, who was the only one who smelled it. She did a thorough investigation and interrogated multiple suspects to no avail, then decided enough time had been spent on the errant fart and closed the case.
Sometimes these are worthy investigations. We have students who decide that dropping the mother of all farts in a closed environment is a way to be obnoxious. Those are usually cleared up pretty fast; someone in the vicinity of the perpetrator will squawk. The subtle ones are more difficult. And sometimes accidental, I suppose.

I think I was funnier back then so if my current posts are not as amusing as you would like, check out the archives. There are more than 2,000 so that ought to keep you distracted from work or house-cleaning for a good long while. Regis says I am my own best audience. Could be true.

I am going for a walk in the snow this morning with Deb. That will be our quiet time. Then to Mankato for two medical appointments. I do better on days when I have some quiet time...time to read or nap or play with the kitten or walk outside. Too much stimulation is not a good thing for me.

woodrow and life

Cautiously, we brought our Christmas tree upstairs on Sunday evening. We plugged in the lights but waited to decorate, wanting to see how Woodrow would react. Here is how Woodrow reacted. He can climb to the top in about ten seconds flat. We caught him in this photo the first time he made the trip...busted.

The lights are off the tree and I have hung strips of orange peel in the lower branches. The internet says that will discourage him. We'll see. I am going to buy unbreakable, kitten-proof ornaments and we'll do our best.

Now, more than the first time I posted it, this cartoon makes me laugh. Notice the goldfish in the martini glass. I am quite sure this is what Woodrow does when we are gone. 

When he hears our car pull in, he resumes this position in his kitty bed, looking all sleepy and innocent.

I feel like my mental shit storm is finally passing and it has been a profound experience. Thanks to exercise, the sun lamp, the runes, a good therapist, good friends, my wonderful mom, my reading and writing...I am coming out of the shadows. Thanks to all who have been kind and compassionate and patient, mostly Regis. Thanks to all who have made me laugh and made me feel loved.

I am working on forgiveness for the people who have been mean and judgmental. That doesn't mean I want to talk to them today or even tomorrow, but I'm working on not giving them space in my head anymore.

Tomorrow I start my therapy for lymphedema. An hour two times a week for manual lymph drainage. Oh, boy. Time for peaceful thoughts.

It looks like the moops out there today. And the word on FB is that it is icy, too. I'd much rather have snow than ice. I've done enough penguin waddling and horizontal limbo on ice in the last few years.

We had a nice dinner with good friends, Bob and Richie, last night. The restaurant was quiet so we were able to gab and tell stories and laugh. So good for the soul.

Moving on into the day. Regis says we must be at the gym by 8 o'clock. I refuse to leave the house in the dark, so that is acceptable.

keeping quiet

 Yesterday was the perfect end of November day. We took a long walk on Nicollet Avenue with Gus loping ahead of us. So nice to have a dog who knows enough to stick around. The sky was bright blue and the sun was warm. We had a visit from Bob and the grandkids, we watched Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, and the day ended with this beautiful sunset.

The Christmas season will begin slowly at our house. Yesterday, I put up the Swedish candelabra. Today, I am going to put away the November stuff...the turkeys, the pumpkins, the Thanksgiving flag. I might drag a Christmas tub out of the basement but I am going to look at everything with a critical eye. Is this really something I want to keep? I haven't done any shopping and don't really plan to do any. I might wander down to the local shops one day just for fun.

I am working on my plan for letting go this month. I have reminders like this that will be tacked around the house as reminders. I'm re-writing my morning meditation and taking a new slant in my journal. Ahhh...take a deep breath and let go.

Keeping Quiet
by Pablo Neruda

Now we will count to twelve
and we will all keep still.

For once on the face of the earth,
let's not speak in any language;
let's stop for one second,
and not move our arms so much.

It would be an exotic moment
without rush, without engines;
we would all be together
in a sudden strangeness.

Fisherman in the cold sea
would not harm whales
and the man gathering salt
would look at his hurt hands.

Those who prepare green wars,
wars with gas, wars with fire,
victories with no survivors,
would put on clean clothes
and walk about with their brothers
in the shade, doing nothing.

What I want should not be confused
with total inactivity.
Life is what it is about;
I want no truck with death.

If we were not so single-minded
about keeping our lives moving,
and for once could do nothing,
perhaps a huge silence
might interrupt this sadness
of never understanding ourselves
and of threatening ourselves with death.
Perhaps the earth can teach us
as when everything seems dead
and later proves to be alive.

Now I'll count up to twelve
and you keep quiet and I will go.

—from Extravagaria (translated by Alastair Reid, pp. 27-29, 1974)

 That's it for today. Take a couple of deep breaths and just look out the window. It's not a race.