The Blog: Spellbound by our own imperfect lives...

I'm committed to a workshop for four days this week. The speakers have been very good but I don't really like to be out of my element. This is only in Mankato and it's at MSU where I've taken classes for 37 years (OH MY GOD) so I should be fine, but...maybe I have some of that allodoxaphobia. That's fear of opinions. Here's the list of phobias . They're hilarious. Bufonophobia is fear of toads and bloshephobia is fear of Bolsheviks. The adjustment for Tiffany has been up and down. She's settled into the room in the basement but seems to be angry at me for this and that and what I made for dinner. Sigh. I made a half-assed chicken enchilada casserole for dinner. Actually I made it at the Kitchen last winter and dropped it into the crock pot this morning. We like those tortilla to cook up nice and soft. We had some left-over chicken legs and potatoes. It was pretty pitiful. (I guess in the interest of truth in advertising, I should take pictures of some of

The next day, things always looks better. I thought it was as bad as I expected; Brenda thought it could have been worse. In any case, the move is done and Tiffany is on her way home. When I talked to her at 6, she was laughing and mopping the floor, and looking forward to whatever I had cooked for dinner. Let's hope it's a harbinger of things to come. Peter was moved in about an hour. Bob said he felt guilty that it was so easy and thought they should go back and help some of the roommates get their junk moved. Regis and I had the easy job...we watched Ella. We came home and sat in the yard watching the birds and having a margarita. I think there's a reason why there are professional bartenders. These were not the best margaritas I have ever had. The dinner however, was delicious. I made a bourbon marinade for chicken legs, roasted red potatoes, garlic bread, and crab stuffed portabella mushrooms. We should have taken pictures. There is some insane reason we don't win

If this weekend wasn't made for a headache, I don't know what was. We did get the good news about the CT scan, if upcoming surgery can be considered good news, but we got the bad news that the Beetle needs repair and the best scenario is going to be 500 dollars. The worst scenario is a new engine which means we take it someplace far away from here and trade it in on something else. Tiffany is moving today which has been a major "I've-got-my-head-in-a-vice" activity from the start. The plan was that I would drive up with Steve and we'd leave about noon. He called at 1:00 and said there had been a delay. #**#@*#*. You know how I hate that. When we were married, if we planned to go on a vacation or away for the weekend, he would get up and putz around for hours, then say he was going to have the oil checked on the car while I sat by the front door with my suitcase in my hand. It was grounds for murder. I've relaxed a lot about this because the Current Occupan

We made pizza on the Weber grill tonight. Tom made it once and we liked it so we wanted to try it. I made the dough a few days ago and had it in the refrigerator. We used fresh basil from the garden, hoemade (that's what the label said!) mozzarella from the coop, and grilled portabella mushrooms and Vidalia onions. I can't believe the crust doesn't just droop right through the grates, but it doesn't. We agreed it was delicious. Here's the dough recipe we used: Basic Pizza Dough 1 cup warm water 1 package active dry yeast 1 teaspoon sugar 3 cups all-purpose flour 2 tablespoons olive oil 1/2 teaspoon salt I make this in my bread machine. Sometimes I throw in a little parmesan or some herbs. We followed the Weber grill recipe for cooking it on the grill. Spread the dough into 8-10 inch circles, oil well with olive oil, lay on parchment paper square, oil the top well, lay on another sheet of parchment, then layer paper and dough, oiling well each

It's so humid here today that you can't even really tell it's raining. By my rain gauge, we've had about .4 inches of rain. Not much, but it helps. Our friend who raises cows says that he's having to buy grain and other stuff for the cows to eat because the pasture grass is gone. I don't imagine the cows like eating that crunchy brown stuff anyway. I stopped putting safflower seed in the bird feeder a few days ago because they were going through it so fast. Tonight there are four little birds lined up on each side, picking at the meager leavings in the troughs. It's pathetic. It reminds me of the scene from Oliver where all the boys are lined up for their bowls of gruel. I guess I'll have to fill it up tomorrow. It's like wildlife land out there. Today there were two rabbits, two fat squirrels, an oriole, a cardinal, and the usual mob of finches. The grackles seem to have moved on for now. The rain continues to fall. Regis and I keep checking radar..

I just read another bike racer was hauled away by the gendarme in France. I think I'm going to pack up my Schwinn and head over there. At this rate, I might have a chance of winning. Notice that I didn't print the name of the race. I don't want someone to google it and get tipped off to my intentions. Today I got the results of all my medical stuff from the last few weeks. All systems go. My bloodwork is much better than I deserve, given my eating habits. Dr. Ruth said cardiologists strive for those kind of numbers for their patients and usually can't get them without medicine. I attribute my success to bacon, butter, and cream. Work is just as excruciating as I remember it. It seems like every year it takes me less and less time to forget everything and more and more time to relearn it. It was an awful cosmic accident that I wasn't born rich because I'd make a good lazy person, or what Bill Bryson calls a "waddlesome sloth".

I put up a nice platform feeder for the cardinal on Sunday. So far, the cardinal has been there once and other times it is invaded by the delinquents of the bird world, the beady-eyed grackles. They have also found the bird bath. Grackles are not capable of taking a nice gentle bath and leaving it clean for the next bird. They make such a ruckus that the water is almost gone and they have the disgusting habit of pooping while they're in there. Not fun to clean up. Another little piker who found the cardinal feeder right away is a huge squirrel. I think I'll leave it empty until winter when these guys are gone. I forgot to post these pictures of the weekend we went to Mom's to celebrate her birthday with Deb and Larry. The top picture is Deb, Mom, me, Regis. The bottom one is us on our way home in the Beetle. I went out to do errands today at noon. I took myself out to lunch at Whiskey River, watched the birds for a while, then went to the hardware stores to look at

The temperature is 88 and the humidity is 78%. That's dang uncomfortable. Even the birds are sweating. It looks like rain but I guess that is just the nasty air trapped here by the humidity. No rain on the radar. It makes a guy pretty lethargic. I did the dishes today and stopped at the store. That's the sum total of my productivity aside from my job. Not much to brag about. The finches have gone through half a bird feeder's worth of safflower seed already. I think they have to go on a diet. That's about two bucks a day. Can't they learn to forage in the woods like birds used to do before Petco and Bird World? Mom suggested I call the DNR next time I find a dead bird. It could be a bad sign. I pointed out a dead bird to the man behind the counter at the Post Office one day and he looked at me like I was made of green cheese. I said it might have bird flu or West Nile virus. He couldn't muster any concern at all. These are the dog days of summer. I dread work and

It's very humid out tonight but if you sit in the shade and don't move, it's tolerable. A tall gin and tonic helps. too. Regis and I went to Mankato this afternoon and bought a platform feeder for the cardinal who keeps visiting our yard. I bought a nice cardinal mix of seed and installed the feeder as soon as we got home. He was there in about an hour...picking out the peanuts and carrying them over to the neighbor's sprinkler to eat them. I also buried two more dead birds. I don't remember ever seeing dead birds in the yard before. I wonder if there is an epidemic or if I just missed them in the past. I don't like to dump them in the trash but I don't really give them a funeral either. I just bury them on the side of the garage.

We've had a nice weekend for July. Yesterday morning we did our chores, laundry and cleaning and such, then went to Tom and Betty's for a pool party. Ella came along for a while and she liked the water until she fell into it and got her clothes wet. Tom cooked butterflied chicken on the grill and I make pork and sweet potato kabobs. Betty made a delicious appetizer with artichoke hearts. I think this is similar: Artichoke Appetizers 2 (6 oz) jars marinated artichoke hearts 1 small onion, chopped 1 clove garlic, minced 4 eggs, well beaten 2 cups grated sharp cheddar cheese 1/4 tsp salt 1/8 tsp oregano 1/8 tsp red pepper 1/8 tsp hot sauce grated Parmesan cheese Drain artichokes, reserving the oil from one jar. Chop artichokes finely. Saute onion until clear in the reserved oil; remove from heat and add garlic, artichokes, eggs and cheddar. Season with salt, oregano, red pepper and hot pepper sauce. Mix well. Pour mixtu

The air finally cleared yesterday and the past two days have been wonderful. I worked in my garden this afternoon although it just made me realize I'm not very happy with it this summer. I've gotten rid of lots of things that were taking over but that left big bare spots. We're also gaining more and more shade every year so some of the poor things that crave sun stretch their little necks out from under the trees for some of the rays. This fall, I'm going to do some major moving...hostas to the shade under the redbud, hyssop and liatris out from under the tree and into the sun. Some of the plants I started with are getting crowded and need more room and we might plant some ornamental grasses on the other side of the front walk, forsaking even more of the ugly lawn. Regis said he'd help me install some paver paths, too. We sat in the yard for a while which was very pleasant, then came in to watch Pan's Labyrinth . I've watched about three minutes of it and I

We still have that miserable putrid air. The dew point is still in the mid-seventies, it's cloudy, and there isn't a breath of a breeze. It's ugly. We went to Famous Dave's for dinner with Betty and Tom. They brought us beer in plastic cups and their was nearly a revolution. The waitress said they had been too busy to wash the glasses which is obviously a lame excuse. We made a small fuss and she brought us real glasses. Gads...we're classy folks. Do we look like plastic-glass beer drinkers to you? We came home to find four orioles eating the grape jelly from the feeder that I've had out all summer. The looked like juveniles...as big as adults but with yellow plumage. There were two eating and two waiting on nearby flower stems. Maybe they got booted out of the feeder next door where the grown-ups eat. Peter got his splint off and a new cast on today at the OFC. He was mildly distressed that the cast went all the way to the end of his thumb so he can't play

One of the local weather folks said that and it seems apropos today. (I looked apropos up on m-w.com and it seems like I used it correctly. I was unsure, not being bi-lingual.) The temperature is 86 and the dew point is 75. That's dang humid. Kramer and I are inside in the AC tonight while Regis attends Transformers with the men from the neighborhood. They said it was a mandate...or a man date. Not sure which. When they talked about going, all the women wrinkled their noses. I have a terrible hunger for Special K bars. I swear I can almost taste them. It must be like a olfactory hallucination unless their is a name for an hallucination related to taste. Doctors in the audience? Peter has to go to the orthopedic doc tomorrow to have his wrist checked and to have a cast put on his owie. I'll ask there. Peter will be mortified. I called him this morning at 9 to tell him it was a really bad idea to move to a place in the country. I added the disclaimer that he probably didn'

I don't like to make personal health complaints in a semi-public forum like this but I have some insidious allergy thing that makes my head hurt, my post-nasal drip and my head feel like a helium balloon. I took some kind of allergy pill but I think I felt worse. I had to take my VW in today so we could get another remote key. You have to have a 30-minute appointment so they can program your key. Imagine that. I had to make several trips back and forth between the parts department and the service department where it was a hundred degrees and smelled like motor oil (not their fault, I know). The service guy sent me to get the parts. The parts woman wouldn't let me have them and said the technician should come and get them. The service guy was not very happy about that and marched off to find the parts woman. Oh, the other symptom of my allergy issue is crankiness. Pretty soon we were all cranky. I had lunch with Peter who seems to be recovering from his wrist surgery. I think he

What a great weekend. Not only was the weather perfect, but we achieved the perfect combination of productivity and laziness. This morning we got up at 7 and went to Menards for shelving for the garage. We came home and cleaned and organized the garage...the garage we couldn't park in for ten years because it was so full of crap. We spent the afternoon sitting in the shade reading, cooked dinner (steak and shrimp) on the grill, then went to Paul's for a garden party...pizza cooked in the cabana brick oven. Happy news...we found out that Mike and Erin, our magician-physician neighbors, are expecting a baby in December. Off to bed.

Regis took some beautiful pictures of our garden tonight. In some ways it's embarrassing because if you've been in my garden, you know it doesn't look quite this good. There are bare spots, weeds, and ratty looking plants. But hey, it makes me feel a lot better about the garden magazines I look at because those gardens probably don't look as good as their pictures either. I love this picture because of the way the white coneflowers look like little alien ships in the Milky Way of pink ones. If you can stand to look at more flower pictures, I posted 30+ of them on my mac site here . Make sure you do the slideshow. We did a few projects today, something of which we are not fond. Regis hauled the front door out to the yard and sanded it so I could paint it. I hate to throw paint out so I used the same color as the trim, a dark rosy red. It's pretty but the paint was crappy and didn't even cover with two coats. It's done though, and the trim and the mailbox got

What a beautiful evening! We sat outside for most of the late afternoon and evening hours. Watched a fat baby robin take a bath then wait on the edge of the birdbath for mama to tell him what to do. Mama was waiting in a tree and scolding us for being so close. They were eventually reunited...at least fat baby flew into the tree. He still had some of his pin feathers so he was a baby...not one of those big adolescents who squawk after the mother they are just as big as. We cooked chicken wings on the grill with a new marinade recipe, talked to the neighbors about their trip to Alaska, and watered the shrubs. Beautiful night.

The title of this post is what happened when I tried to type wine snobs but was one key off on both hands. Very funny. It could be a new language. Wine snobs isn't exactly the phrase I was looking for anyway. Regis and I went to Mankato so he could get a hair cut tonight. We were a little early so we popped into a little wine shop by Aveda. You know the one I mean. Some very ordinary and friendly people used to own it and we liked going there because they didn't make fun of us for buying wine because we liked the name (Cote de Bone Rhone) or the label (Fat Bastard). Apparently those people are gone and the new people are quite obsequious and pretentious. They were "tasting" pink wines tonight. Tasting means we were doing the sipping but they used it like this: We're tasting pink wines tonight. I put this in a category with waiters saying to me that they will be "taking care of me" tonight. I don't think so, pal. Just bring the food and drink. So as

The safe driving class wasn't so bad. It was a far cry from 8 hours (thankfully) and was even interesting at times. Your chances of having an accident go up as you get older so I guess it's worthwhile. Regis and I signed up to be volunteer safe driving teachers so any of you old farts reading this can take it from us in the future. Or...an alternative that I just now learned about...you can take the course online in the comfort of your own home. It costs the same and you get the same certificate for a discount on your car insurance. Click here to find out about it. I planted my new coneflowers and coleus today. It was a perfect day to work in the garden...cool temp, nice breeze, no bugs. I started splitting some of my older perennials like the stella de oro daylily. That thing is supposed to bloom all summer but I'm lucky to get a week's worth of flowers. When I dug it up, there must have been a hundred of those little bulbs in the hole. I split it into three plants

Regis and I went to the AARP Safe Driving class last night. The instructor said our group, those taking the 8-hour class for the first time, are the youngest of her students. Great comfort in that. It was interesting and worthwhile especially if you consider accident statistics as people age. We've had such beautiful cool weather the last day or so. I went to the garden center yesterday and bought a bunch of shade annuals for a buck each. They're a little leggy but by frost they should be just fine. I also bought some of the new colors of coneflowers. This one is part of the Big Sky series and is called Summer Sky. I love coneflowers because they're pretty much mainenance free. They don't need water, dead heading, bug treatment, staking or anything. Check here to see more colors . The next one is called Tiki Torch but it won't be available until next spring. I watered a few things in the garden yesterday morning and my hosta looked great. When I came back from my tr

Balloons suspend Kent Couch in a lawn chair as he floats in the skies near Bend, Ore., Saturday. Couch, on his way to Idaho, carried a global positioning system device, a two-way radio, a digital camcorder and a cell phone. BEND, Ore. — Last weekend, Kent Couch settled down in his lawn chair with some snacks — and a parachute. Attached to his lawn chair were 105 large helium balloons. Destination: Idaho. With instruments to measure his altitude and speed, a global positioning system device in his pocket, and about four plastic bags holding five gallons of water each to act as ballast — he could turn a spigot, release water and rise — Couch headed into the Oregon sky. Nearly nine hours later, the 47-year-old gas station owner came back to earth in a farmer's field near Union, short of Idaho but about 193 miles from home. "When you're a little kid and you're holding a helium balloon, it has to cross your mind,'' Couch told the Bend Bulletin. "When

Ella's Poppop celebrated his 55th birthday yesterday. We had a good time as always and lots of good food. Ella liked being in the kitchen with me and hung on the back of my shirt as I moved around. When I opened the refrigerator, she plunged her little hand into the martini pitcher. It's ok, she washed it off in the dog dish. I told Emily I get tired of making cheese potatoes so yesterday I fiddled around all day with pickled vegetables and pretty white dishes. I saw an article in a magazine in the doctor's office the other day...the new relish tray. I got a couple of white serving dishes at Gordmans and bought a couple kinds of pickles...peppers, baby corn, artichoke hearts. This was not popular with some of the males in the family but the rest of us enjoyed it. It was hot today but not as humid as yesterday. I went outside about 5:30 to move some lawn chairs to the garage and by the time I got there, a big wind was swirling around the temperature was plummeting. We had a

It's a hot one out there today. Except for a trip to the grocery store, I haven't left the yard. I went out a while ago and set up the lawn sprinkler to sprinkle into the birdbath so the little birds have water and a cool place to bathe. The feeders are full, too, so they won't have to go far for their vittles. We must have a pair of cardinals in the neighborhood. The male is very friendly and will hop around in the grass when we're sitting right there. Last night he took a little shower while I watered the garden. I don't water much but the poor plants are parched after this long dry and hot spell. It's really too hot to do anything.

Annie went to a fancy resort in California for her honeymoon and found this posted on the door. Note that the entire facility contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects and other reproductive harm. This is a fairly general warning. Kind of like the one after that dude was shooting people in Washington and Virginia. Authorities said to take precautions such as not walking in a straight line when you went to your car. Just stop for a second and picture this...people doing a zigzag walk to their cars through the grocery store parking lot. This sounds like something John Belushi made up in a cocaine stupor. (And there has to be a connection made to the government's color levels of security.) Ragged segue....If you're a Belushi fan, check out Youtube. We found the John Belushi-Joe Cocker bit called Feelin' Alright . Too funny...and amazing that all that stuff is on Youtube not even four years after George Bush talked about the internets

We had grand plans for the 4th but only managed to carry out fifty percent of them. It was too hot to go to the parade so we stayed home in the AC and decorated cupcakes to take to one of the three parties we were going to attend later in the day. We went to Bob's for a while, then to Tom and Betty's where we spent the afternoon in leisurely beer and food consumption. Betty and I sat on the swing and dangled our feet in a wading pool full of cold water. Regis smoked a cigar and had a nap in the shade. Tom floated on his air mattress in the big pool. We came home at 8, intending to go across the street to another party during the fireworks. What started out to be a short nap turned into what Tiffany called the big nap...we woke up at ten to go to bed for the night. I guess we're too old for that much fun in one day. Today is Regis' double gold birthday...he's 55 on the 5th. We're celebrating on Saturday with a 'tini and wienie party. That's martinis and h

Regis brought a coffee cup home from work today. It had some blue printing on the side and a little white sticker on the bottom. When I put on my glasses, this is what I read: Well, what the hell. We don't expect to be licking the side of the mug. Maybe they should have this sign somewhere so the people who paint the words on will see it. Does this mean it's only known to the State of California? Or is it known in other states and they don't care? If you get cancer from this mug does the State of California take responsiblity...since they knew? And one more thought about this. What is "other reproductive harm"? I guess I wouldn't be holding this mug in your lap on your way to work, men. Bad mojo for your gonads. The mug was advertising a website called WhereWords . Check out this brand name quiz: http://www.wherewords.com/wst_page4.html Today I watched Ella in the afternoon which was very pleasant. She talks non-stop now, some of it understandable and some of

This dude carved a 700-pound block of Land-O-Lakes cheese into a replica of Mount Rushmore. If you want more details than that, you'll have to google it yourself. I thought this was more than a guy needed to know. News of the weird for July 1st, I guess. We motored to Canby yesterday afternoon. My cousin Deb and her husband Larry came from Phoenix to help us celebrate Mom's 77th birthday. We had a little wine, some brats on the grill, and a lot of laughs. We watched the finches and Orioles at the feeder. The adults feed grape jelly to the babies by transferring it from their beaks to the baby beaks. Most of the babies were about as big as the adults so maybe it's time those big oafs learn to suck that grape jelly themselves. We mowed off the tall grass when we got home. We don't believe in lawn watering, only dormancy, so our yard looks pitiful in July. Unlike the neighbor's which looks like a putting green. Sometimes at night I sneak over there and walk barefoot on