last pile and letting go

This is my last pile of stuff for a while. I have earned the admiration of my Facebook friends with my purging. They ask if I would come to their homes and do it. Of course, and it would be easier because I am not attached to their crap. Ha!

Several really important spiritual things have happened to me this week. My two sessions with Mary, my walks and talks with friends, my meditative exercise, my runes.

Today, my rune was Wunjo, the rune of joy and light. It means that the term of travail has ended and I have come into myself. The shift that was due has occurred and now I can freely receive it's blessing, whether it be in my emotional life or in a heightened sense of my own well-being. Joyousness accompanies new energy, energy blocked before now. Light pierces the clouds and touches the water just as something lovely emerges from the depths.

To me, that last sentence refers to my walk yesterday with Deb. As we watched the last sun's rays of the day and the sky turn opal, a flock of cardinals flew over. Neither of us had seen this phenomenon before and we were stunned. We knew it had meaning for both of us. 

We keep Gus's treats on the stove and have started keeping Woody's there, too. When I say sit, Woodrow sits up and begs, too. Gus doesn't sit up because he's too big but he gives me a high five. It is the cutest thing ever. I'll get Regis to take a video of it today because I know you all want to see our latest pet tricks.

I slept a deep and restorative sleep last night. I had a dream, with a plot, but it wasn't disturbing and I can't remember it now.

Thank you, Mom, for the beautiful butterfly card and the letter. You have been a part of my healing.

I woke up this morning to see a small lump moving between the covers. Woody was exploring between the blankets. How can you not love a cat who wakes you up like that?

Have a grace-filled day.

cardinal flock sighting

 No, not this kind of cardinal.

This kind of cardinal.

Deb and I, old friends and neighbors, were on a walk on Nicollet Avenue (not the Minneapolis one, the rural St. Peter one) and we saw a flock of cardinals. They were so bright red in the late afternoon sunshine, that's all they could be. They settled into some trees we had passed about ten minutes before so we crossed some field area to get closer. They startled and fled.

I did some googling and discovered that cardinals do indeed flock. Not during mating season when they pair off but other parts of the year they are quite social.

Deb and I are strong believers in signs. One day we saw an eagle soaring over the tree tops. Today, a flock of cardinals. An opal sky. A friend on a bicycle. A good day to be alive.

a powerful rune today

Othila

Separating paths
Attachment and
Radical severance
Using the light I now possess and
Total honesty
in my own time.

It's been a very good week. A week of sorrow and joy and healing. I told my friend, Deb, on our walk yesterday, it's like a vortex and things get tossed in over the years and finally it turns into a full-blown storm. I am more peaceful now. The wind is dissipating. I am calm.

Well, that's enough of that shit, eh?

I'm making plans for Thanksgiving. We decided a couple years ago that we really don't like turkey no matter how hard we worked to prepare it. We will have a turkey breast for the purists and as a way to serve the side dishes but it won't be the center of the table.

I'm going to exercise today and then I'll sub at HLC from 10:30-3:00. Deb and I will take our walk at 4:00. It will be a good day.

sweet day

I worked at HLC all day. I enjoyed the kids and the adults but it was a long day for me to work. I missed my afternoon nap.

Deb and I went for a leisurely walk at 4, then met up with Regis for a pizza at Patrick's. We gabbed for two hours and now we're home and I'm ready for bed. Such a nice day.

little libraries and a good samaritan

Two very nice things in the news today.

Seeing kids in danger, Brooklyn Center good samaritan builds a bus stop

Little libraries: Take a book, return a book

I didn't sleep worth a damn the last two nights. I had some joint pain, some disturbing dreams, and some just plain old wakeful periods. In my therapy with Mary, things have been burbling to the surface which is a good thing but it's like a boiling pot. Sometimes you have to pay attention.

I'm working all day today and going for a long walk at 4 o'clock so I expect tonight's sleep will be better.

My friend and neighbor Betsy showed up yesterday for tea and a pumpkin muffin just when I needed her most. We gabbed and gabbed about shared interests and shared joys. She invited me to a meditation group that meets once a week and to a spiritual practices group that meets twice a month. We seem to meet up at just the right times.

Ansuz was my rune today. Consider the uses of adversity.

letting go...means if I don't answer your call, I don't want to answer your call.

evidence of my purging

You may have seen some of these photos before but I thought it would be impressive (for me) to see the collection. That is a lot of crap to unload in a year. There is more but that can wait.

How, and why, did I accumulate so much stuff? And what does it mean that now I am ready to let it go?

I can honestly say that every inch of my first floor has been sorted, cleaned, organized, and de-cluttered. I have one more big project to do before Thanksgiving and that's to trade out the ratty little drawer thing by the front door for the much better looking one on the porch. This involves furniture moving so I'll need help.

Regis is driving me over to my therapy appointment this afternoon. I am sometimes so tired when I'm done that it's exhausting to walk to the car.

I'm home. Ah, insight and processing.

random notes in a list

• Woodrow likes to get up early and makes sure that we are awake, too. He likes to be fed immediately upon waking.

• We didn't think Gus would like a dog bed since he is accustomed to sleeping on the floor but he manages to squeeze himself onto this bed from time to time. I think he may have decided he likes it because Woody likes it.
• Both of our pets have been kind of needy the past few days. Not sure what that's about.

• Regis made these so delicious ribs last night. We thought we only liked ribs cooked on the grill but this recipe, made in the oven with a braise, is great.
• We're going to the gym in a little bit, then to Mankato to do a few errands.
• I have a sorting and pitching project to finish before Wednesday.
• I'm subbing two days this week. That's about all I want to work this month.
• I see we have a little snow on the ground. Lots of people were raking leaves yesterday but I was gumptionless when I got home. It should warm up by next weekend so I can do it then.
• Mom and I went to visit our old friend, Irene, yesterday. She's 93. Her family, and my good friend Linda, lived across the alley from us when I was a young girl. Irene is pretty spry and sharp. I want to be spry and sharp when I'm 93.
• Thinking about the veterans who have served today. Bless their hearts.
• Better get up and get moving.

back from the road trip

Betty and I spent some time over the last few days motoring to southwestern Minnesota to visit my mom. I love the prairie in the fall...corn fields being combined, gray skies, vast flatness. We had a wonderful time with my mom. We had some wine, some laughs, told a lot of stories. We stopped to see the Milford Monument, went through the drive-up at Culver's (best fast food burgers), and had lots of time to talk. It was a magical autumn trip.

peace and contentment

Gus and Woody are feeling it, too. Woodrow is sleeping in his kitty carrier and Gus is resting his head on the top of it. They're quite a pair.

Betty and I are taking a road trip out to see Mom this weekend. We're both kind of drifty so I hope we end up in the right place and not somewhere in Wisconsin. I'll take pictures and will report on the trip when I get home.

It's early...still dark...and my mind is not quite as agile as it might be. More coffee is needed.

hurray for us!

Finished our CD project this morning!

the self...random and simple

My rune for the day is Mannaz. The starting point is the self. Its essence is water. Only clarity, willingness to change, is effective now. Strive to live the ordinary life in a non-ordinary way. Remember at all times what is coming to be and passing away, and focus on that which abides.

I can't read that without thinking about the Dude in The Big Lebowski. One of my favorite movies. Don't watch it if you get the willies from the F word. The really bad F word, as Elliot calls it.

Woodrow is home and doing very well. He gets a little dose of morphine morning and evening which helps him sleep away the first painful days. He doesn't appear to have pain but he is surprised once in a while when he tries to climb your leg and it won't happen.

Woody on drugs

Regis and I are pretty much a matched set of random packrats. We've had boxes and baskets of CDs around for years, many we never played. We set upon a project a while back (not wanting to think about how long ago) to organize them. We got busy with it again this week. We went through them several times and got rid of things we knew we wouldn't listen to if we were forced. We got rid of broken cases, self-made CDs, and stuff we wondered what the hell we could have been thinking. In the end, we have about 250 CDs, with numbered labels, filed in boxes, and a spreadsheet that can be sorted by title or artist. Ta da!

The reason we hung on to many of the CDs, even though they will likely never be played again is that they are part of our musical history. We did pretty well to get rid of vinyl, cassettes, and 8-tracks.

Mary says that for many people, getting rid of unnecessary encumbrances in their emotional life leads them to rid themselves of clutter in their homes. I need clean and simple. In my head and in my surroundings.

When I worked at the polling place the other day, I worked with several retired teachers. In fact, all of us were. Most of them wanted to talk about school, find out the latest scoop, news about a referendum, who's retiring, and so on. I would open my book and read. Sigh. Just not that interested anymore. Letting all of that go, too.

Make some space in your head today for fun. 

nothing like a cancer diagnosis to build an audience

I like to watch the stats on my blog. This is an all-time view that shows May 2007 to the present. You can see how the cancer diagnosis in November exploded my audience. I'll do anything for attention. Ha!

It was a long haul but, without revealing too much about my personal struggles, I am nearing the end of the journey. My therapy has been awakening, enlightening, liberating, and...incredible. I am so grateful that I stumbled onto Mary. 

My desktop is clean. My new salt lamp is installed. My rune book, my notebook, my gratitude journal, all here for my morning routine.

The rune I chose today is Perth. It looks like this:

This rune has associations with the phoenix, the mystical bird that consumes itself in fire then rises from its own ashes. This rune is also symbolized by the flight of the eagle. Soaring flight, free from entanglement, lifting yourself above the endless ebb and flow of ordinary life to acquire a broader vision. This is the rune of questing. The renewal of the spirit is at stake.

My gratitude journal entry for today.

It's Thursday, November 7th. Tomorrow will be the anniversary of my diagnosis. I am grateful.

1. I am grateful for the skilled and compassionate medical folks who took care of me so competently in the last year. They were like angels on earth.
2. I am grateful for the spiritual awakening I have experienced with Mary through EMDR. I feel like I have come from chaos to clarity. I know the journey is never done but I have come a long way in the last year.
3. I am grateful for the tools I have: light therapy, my runes, my salt lamp, my journal of gratitude, my blog, exercise. 
4. I am grateful for the dark early mornings when I can sit quietly, write, think compassionately about my life, and get ready to live this day.

Have a wonderful day!

post-election

It takes a while to recover from the stimulation of being in a room with six people for 15 hours. We only had 58 voters at our polling place so we weren't exactly over-whelmed that way but still...constant chatter and activity.

The serenity of the morning helped calm my mind. Beautiful blue sky, golden birch leaves, and snow.

Our little kitten, Woodrow, went to the vet today to have his front claws removed and to be neutered. He looks so innocent it was hard to leave him there. He left another bloody trail from his claws this morning, though, so we'll be glad when it's over. 

They just called and Woodrow is out of surgery and in recovery. He will be ready to come home tomorrow morning.

This morning I had to clean, scrupulously, his litter box. For a four-pound kitten, he sure poops a lot. We have to use a different kind of litter for a while so his little paws don't hurt. Poor baby.

Here is the bunny this morning with his first coating of snow. He has Facebook fans in New Orleans who keep tabs on him in the winter.

I'm kind of feeling a nap coming on today. Regis is away working on AARP tax stuff so I might just take advantage of the quiet house.

sorting music, napping, and early darkness

I am not a fan of the lack of light. At 5:30, it was very dark out already. Regis is playing with his new iPad (see his shoe?) and I am doing...nothing.

I came home from EMDR and took a wonderful nap for the third day in a row.

This afternoon we sorted through all of our CDs. We have boxes and boxes of them so went through them, we each picked out the ones we couldn't part with, and we took a a look at storage possibilities. I'm sure many will never be played again but we're emotionally attached to them. Can't be helped.

I slept well last night and it's a good thing because I will be serving as an election judge from 6 am until 9 pm. What in the hell made me think THAT was a good idea. Again.

My lunch is packed, my bag is filled, my electronics are charged. A guy never knows what a guy will need when trapped in a room for 15 hours.

made it

I was not blown away. The yard art is in the garage...at least the stuff I feared might be damaged by snow and ice. Some of it has been out there so long that I think it might be offended to be garaged.

I put away all the Halloween stuff and the tubs are piled in the kitchen. Toting them to the basement will have to wait for another day because I am out of gumption.

Last night, I made cauliflower bread sticks. They were good but labor intensive and you would never eat one thinking it was bread. It is, clearly, a permutation of cauliflower. The recipe involved chopping, steaming, ricing, and baking. Too many dishes and too many steps...and the dreaded food processor. I have a recipe for roasted cauliflower that is just as good and so much easier.

I think I am preparing for hibernation. The last few days I have felt somnambulistic. Sleep walking through the day. I see Mary tomorrow and that is good.

Remember to put having fun on your list things to do this week.

sunday morning and wind from hell

My least favorite weather event. Wind. It is howling out there today and I have a few things to do in the yard. I think I'll plug my ears with my iPod earbuds and wear a hooded sweatshirt. What the kids nowadays call a hoodie.

We went to exercise this morning. There were two people there when we got there but they left shortly. We like it so much better when it's quiet. I starting doing a 30-day plank challenge and I'm up to 90 seconds now before I start to shake and collapse.

We're going to start a Facebook page for Augustus and Woodrow. Because we're half nuts and because we think they are so darn cute and funny. Nothing happens in our house that they don't both want to investigate.

Woodrow gets neutered and declawed on Wednesday. So far, we have not had any gender issues but the claws are deadly. He can scale your leg in about two seconds flat, leaving a bloody trail. We're not sure if it's just his temperament or because he has been raised with a dog, but he is definitely more dog-like than cat-like which pleases me. I didn't want one of those weird ass cats that hide under the bed. Woodrow doesn't even mind the vacuum cleaner.

I am going to put some rocks in my pockets and get my yard art into the garage. I'll check in later so you know I didn't disappear over the valley in a big gust of wind.

old friends

Simon And Garfunkel 

Bookends

Old friends, old friends sat on their parkbench like bookends
A newspaper blowin' through the grass
Falls on the round toes of the high shoes of the old friends

Old friends, winter companions, the old men
Lost in their overcoats, waiting for the sun
The sounds of the city sifting through trees
Settles like dust on the shoulders of the old friends

Can you imagine us years from today, sharing a parkbench quietly
How terribly strange to be seventy

Old friends, memory brushes the same years, silently sharing the same fears

Time it was and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you.

friday in pictures

Regis dropped me off downtown on our way home from Schmidt's Meat Market so I could get a haircut at Nate's. I walked home and took pictures of the beautiful trees. When Deb and I went for a walk later, we saw a bald eagle soaring over town. We took it as a sign.

Woodrow takes a nap in the sunshine. It's his favorite spot. Well, wait...he has several favorite spots. He likes to sleep in the curtains behind my computer, on Regis's lap, and in Gus's bed. He's not fussy.

Here's Gus waiting for his bath. Such a good dog.

Happy Saturday. I'm going to make it a lazy one!

halloween

We survived Halloween and my 61st birthday. Tom and Betty had a family party and I went trick or treating with three-year old Zoey. She caught on quickly to the idea that you ring the door bell, say trick or treat, and get candy. We spent the evening surrounded by dear friends, family, and good food and drink. We are lucky.

I have been feeling more fully hinged the past few days. We have been exercising, going for walks, enjoying life. Some of the bullshit has drifted out of my head and such a relief that is. I drag too much emotional baggage around with me. It weighs me down and keeps me from feeling awake. You, too?

I always act happy because I want to be but it takes a lot of energy to have the light side and the dark side duke it out. Gradually, I am integrating the sides and I am anticipating peace. Ah, peace.

For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to be an election judge from 6 am to 9 pm on election day. What the hell was I thinking? I wonder if they will let me slip away to take a nap in the afternoon. I'm going to take a bag of things to do...a book, my iPad, my iPod, my knitting. That is a lot of hours to fill...and they don't expect us to be busy. It pays minimum wage so even with all the hours, this will not be a big money maker.

Regis took Gus to the dog park yesterday even though it was rainy and wet. He needed to run and when he came home, he needed a bath. I fill the tub and when he comes in the door, he runs to jump into the water. As soon as the bath was underway, Woodrow came into the bathroom and sat up just like this to peer into the tub. I'm surprised he didn't jump in with Gus. Woodrow thinks he is a dog.

Deb, you should have stuck around just a few minutes longer to see the end of the Gus and Woodrow show!

We're taking a drive out to Nicollet this afternoon to buy some thick pork chops and some big ass steaks. The weekend weather is supposed to be gorgeous and we want to grill before the weather turns ugly.

My rune today was laguz, the rune of water and fluidity. It signals a time for cleansing: for revaluing, reorganizing, realigning. I love those weird things.

Hoping to make it out for a walk today in the beautiful November sunshine!