down and dirty

Since I was diagnosed with cancer, my world has been askew.

I worry about living and dying.

I can't concentrate.

I can focus on one thing at a time.

 I feel malformed.

I don't know if this will pop up in my bones? Bone Cancer?

I walked the survivor's lap last night but I don't feel like a survivor.

I felt like a fraud. I haven't survived.

I am terrified.

What if my future is metastisis and hospice?

I want to live to be 100+.

Karen, let's get together on a tropical island and drink margaritas.

I love my life. I do not want to die young.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Maybe it would be better to concentrate on today. None of has a lock on living to be 100. You could be killed by a car tomorrow and it would be a shame if your last thought was, "And I was worried about the cancer?" The date you are destined to die is already carved on a wall somewhere. You can't do anything to alter it, so enjoy the years, days, or minutes you have remaining.
8:23 PM
Anonymous said…
I agree with anonymous. Everyone's life is uncertain. Why do little children die? It sounds as though you enjoy life. Keep on what you are doing and remember you add a lot of beauty to this world just by being here.
7:02 AM
Anonymous said…
Oh Teresa, you have written my thoughts exactly. These thoughts ricochet around my head too, no matter how hard I work to banish them. It's not a constant thing. I, too, have a full life with loved ones all around and work that is not really work because I enjoy it so much. I have a garden and koi pond that I sit near with my morning coffee. I'm 2 years out, and have hair! Energy! Life is good! ...and yet.... I know it sounds like such a cliche, but all we can do is wake up every day grateful to be alive, and to put our love out there in the world. Jeanie
9:25 AM
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