gratitude

I have been writing a daily gratitude list this month. These are some of the things I am grateful for in September.

1. I’m grateful that I have a husband who is so affectionate, so caring, so supportive. He has been a wonderful gift in my life. And he makes me laugh.
2. I’m grateful that I have a mostly positive outlook on life. I always think things could be worse so I should be happy for what is.
3. I’m grateful that writing is part of my life. It has saved me in many situations. It’s the way I think, the way I process, the way I resolve.
4. I’m grateful that I found Mary to help me with hypnosis and EMDR.
5. I'm grateful for all these changes that have brought me to this point in my life.
6. I had a medical appointment this morning and I am very grateful to have access to such wonderful care and such world-class physicians and nurses. Everyone has been wonderful to me through my cancer diagnosis and treatment. I always felt safely tucked in their loving arms.
7. I'm grateful for my little house with the big trees in front, the shady patio, and the hosta garden full of yard art. I love feeling so close to nature even in the middle of town.
8. I'm grateful for the music in my life. Every day I turn on World Cafe and listen to great music and interviews with musicians. This weekend, we're looking forward to the Rock Bend Folk Festival....live music from around the country for two days!
9. I'm grateful for my open windows and the sounds of summer: cicadas, birds at the feeder, the neighbor's lawn mower, a laughing baby, my dog barking.
10. Today, Wednesday, I am grateful for the morning silence that allows me time to think and reflect on how lucky I am. Our windows are open, the breeze is cool and autumn-like, and the dog is napping on the couch.
11. I'm also grateful for my love of books. I can't imagine my life without reading and so many books have become like well-loved friends. I have some favorite authors...Louise Erdrich, Bill Holm, Jim Harrison, Howard Norman, Kent Haruff. Not long ago, I was reading a book and read a stunning passage. I clutched the book to my chest and gasped. What a gift...to pass on beautiful words like that.
12. I'm grateful for flavors and for the rich and wonderful variety of foods we have available. Our farmer's market is bountiful this time of year, sweet corn, melons, tomatoes, and many other things are available on street corners, and grocery stores are filled to over-flowing. Last night we grilled stuffed peppers...hatch and poblano peppers with spicy mango/jalapeno sausage and provolone cheese. A feast for the senses.
13. Last Tuesday, I had a cataract repaired and the procedure took twenty minutes. I'm grateful for medical technology and skilled doctors that make that possible. It's miraculous.
14. I'm grateful for our good friends, Tom and Betty. They invite our whole family into their home and pool, let our giant dog lope around their yard, and allow our grandchildren to invade their pool. They have been good friends for many years and we've been through a lot of life changes together.
15. I'm grateful to my surgeon, Dr. Deaconson, who has saved me several times. When I had a bad experience with an imaging center, he got me into the Mayo system immediately, called the head of radiology to do my needle-guided biopsy, and postponed his vacation to do my surgery. He is a compassionate man who takes care of his patients needs first...always.
16. I live on the southern plains of Minnesota. I'm grateful for the beauty here. I love the miles and miles of farm fields, the rolling hills, the river valleys. Bill Holm calls it horizontal grandeur in his essay by that name. I don't need mountains or oceans...I love the flat land.
17. I'm grateful for our big, goofy dog, Gus. I wasn't sure I wanted a dog but my husband did so we found a dog. Gus is a golden doodle and he has the sweetest disposition of any dog I have known. He sleeps on our bed with his paws in the air, he licks us in the face to wake us up, he lays on my husband's lap to be combed in the morning. He is a wonderful pet.
18. Today, I am grateful for a good night's sleep. It doesn't happen every night but it feels so good to wake up at 7 and feel well-rested.
19. I am also grateful for clean water that comes out of the taps on demand. Some places in the world, they have to carry water or have no access at all. We are very fortunate
20. Yesterday I was very annoyed with the department of education in Minnesota because they told me it would take 6 weeks to process my substitute teaching license. I had to work with my annoyance and decided to be grateful that I live in a state where educators are licensed. The department of ed is struggling like many state agencies with fewer employees and fewer resources so the lady who was abrupt with me was probably being as kind as she could be at that moment. (How's that for turning a grumpy moment into gratitude?)
21. I'm grateful for mornings. I love sitting here listening to our favorite radio show, drinking good coffee, and watching the birds in our garden. Such a gentle way to start the day.
22. I'm grateful for wonderful writers. Before I went to sleep last night, I read several essays on Longform. Incredible stories and lyrical writing.
23. I was grateful to hear the thunder and rain during the night. It's been very dry here and I worry about my garden going into winter short of water.
24. I'm grateful to have a beautiful shade garden in the front of my house, with a big patio where we spend much time in the summer. It's mostly low-maintenance plants, hostas and lilies, but it's very serene. I like garden art so it's full of small frogs, turtles, an angel or two, and a big metal chicken.
25. I'm grateful that I can go for long walks and breathe deeply. I walked to the food coop last night and enjoyed it very much. I walk an easy pace (No speed walking for me!) and try to notice, with my senses, all the small miracles...acorns, children riding bikes, smell of onions coming from a restaurant. Five years ago, I could barely make it around the block.
26. I'm grateful for my sense of taste. Yesterday, I had fresh tomatoes and cucumbers with basil and balsamic dressing. I had an omelet for breakfast with hot grilled peppers and mangoes. For dinner, my husband made ribs on the grill, seasoned with cayenne pepper, paprika, celery salt, cumin and black pepper. Fresh yellow watermelon from the farmer's market for dessert.
27. I am grateful for my sense of touch. I love my soft, burgundy blanket on the bed. I love to hold the smooth rocks on my serenity table. When I shop for clothes, the feel of the fabric is important to me. Color...then feel. I like the feel of my slippers on my feet. They're lined with sherling and I wiggle my toes when I wear them just to feel it. I touch my jewelry...hold my necklace charms in my hand, examine the bracelet on my wrist, rub my fingers over my earrings.
28. I'm grateful for my sense of smell. I have herbs in pots on the patio and always rub my hands over them...basil, thyme, oregano, mint...and then cup my hands over my nose to inhale the scent. I like to chop onions and garlic by hand and like to smell it later. (Some people use lemon juice to get rid of the smell...imagine!) I like to keep scented soaps in my dresser drawers. The smell of food is an important part of the pleasure of eating.
29. I'm grateful for my sense of sight. I believe we eat with our eyes first so how my table looks is important. I like to use pretty table linens, colorful dishes, interesting serving dishes. Not that we do it at EVERY meal, but I like to do it...and not just when we have company! I love to gaze at my garden. Every time we leave the house, I say, "Isn't my garden pretty?" My husband laughs and says yes it is.
30. I'm grateful for my slow and mindful walks. I try to notice all my senses and will bend over to sniff a flower or stop to look at the leaves on a tree. Yesterday I notices that the acorns on the oak tress had popped out their little seeds, leaving the wooly cap.
31. I'm grateful for today and another opportunity to start over on some of my habits.
32. Last weekend, we went to the Rock Bend Folk Festival. We heard a local band I have loved for forty years. We sat in the warm sunshine and saw so many old friends. I think I gathered dozens of hugs. I'm grateful to live in a place that values music and community.
33. I'm grateful, again, for my senses because the music festival was a feast for all of them. Delicious smell of barbecue, colorful costumes on the Heart of the Beast puppets (giant puppets), hugs from friends, great music, and a meal of smoked gouda and habanero pickles with chilled wine.
34. I'm making a grocery list and instead of thinking of it as a chore, I'm feeling grateful that we have the money to buy such good things to eat and that I have access to such a variety of good and healthy things to eat.
35. I am grateful for all the good habits I already have. I eat healthy food, I read voraciously, I write daily, I take care of my health, I treasure my family and friends. Two steps forward and one back is still progress as long as I keep going in the right direction.

sunday evening...whoops monday morning

The weekend went so fast. Wedding rehearsal Friday night, Wedding Saturday afternoon... and a kitten that wakes me up at 3 am. I didn't have the most productive days.

The setting for the wedding was beautiful and Regis looked so handsome. He does a beautiful ceremony and is so distinguished and serious. We beat the rain by about two minutes. The bridal party felt a few sprinkles but the groom said that is a sign of good luck.

I found these photos and this artist on Facebook. I love the idea of using the moon in all these shots. I had never heard of Steve McCurry but apparently he is an iconic (sort of like epic) photojournalist. Check out his work. Amazing...and iconic.

Artist: Steve McCurry

Artist's website

Last week when I walked out to the dog park, I crossed the bridge over the Minnesota River. In the middle, I was gripped by some fear and had to reach out to hold the railings. I wanted to look into the water but couldn't make myself do it. I drive over that bridge all the time but I can't remember when I last walked over it. I felt like a high wire walker.

It's a new experience for me, having a kitten. He acts like a crazy thing sometimes, running and spinning and chasing his tail. The he decides he is tired and you cannot keep him awake. He crawls into his little bed on the shelf and snoozes for hours. Our biggest issue is that he likes to wake up very early...like 3 am. I figure it will be better when he's older and can prowl around the house by himself in the middle of the night.  Now, it's like having a furry infant. A furry infant that can run and climb.

It's not all bad, waking up this early. I used to do it all the time and find I'm a little more productive when I get up and do all my sitting before sunrise. I'm a good sitter.

After a winter and spring of reading mysteries and crime obsessively, I am skipping around to lots of different things. I read a book called Things I Like About America: Personal Narratives, that I really liked a lot. I'm also reading a book of short stories that I don't like so much. I always feel like I miss the point of short stories. I get to the end and think...What?

Regis better wake up or he is going to miss this delicious Guatemalan coffee. Of course, if I drink the whole pot, I'll be clinging to the drapes by my claws like Woodrow. He doesn't really climb the drapes but it's a good picture, right?

We tried to watch a movie that everyone said was so funny. Rotten tomatoes gave it about a 90, which is a great score. Somehow, we missed the point. Regis gets annoyed with me because I only like movies with believable story lines. I'm not a fan of science fiction, dystopia, apocalypse, horror...or anything resembling those. I like a little more reality in my stories. Not too much reality, though, like war or murder. I have a fairly narrow band of things I will read and watch, as you can see.

Between the two of us, we have four medical appointments this week. WTF. I expect things to get better once I turn 61, dammit. Enough of this shit. One day this month, we have to figure out which on of us will have the least sedation and should be able to drive the other one. Good grief.

My goal this month is to write a list every morning of 3-5 things for which I am grateful. I've done it now every day and it's not hard. I like things like that. Writing letters to the editor used to be a thing I enjoyed because I had to revise my writing to fit below a certain word count. It was like a puzzle. Now, I don't have many opinions so I don't write those so often. Haha!

I do have opinions but I think what I discovered is that they don't really make a difference so I should save my energy. 

Woodrow is down for his morning nap at 4:45 am. I've had two cups of coffee so I won't be going back to sleep for a while. 

My point, getting back to it, about my complaints about medical appointments is that I am trying to find positive in what appears to be negative. So, I am grateful to have access to this wonderful care and to have insurance so we don't have to worry about medical bills.

I turn on KMSU when I am awake this early and I'm developing a taste for the jazz show that's on at that time. I said a few weeks ago, that I had a rube's taste for jazz...none. But this is a gentle way to start the day and the host has a nice voice.

Time to move on into the day. Remember to put have fun on your list of things to do.

catching up

Last week, I made a list of nine things I wanted to get done. By the end of this week, I have done two of them. So why do I feel like I've been so busy? I guess I lost a day to eye surgery, then part of the next morning to a follow-up appointment. Sigh. Here's the week in pictures:

I walked downtown the other day and then walked out to the dog park to meet Regis and Gus. I look like a crazy old bag lady.

Yesterday, we adopted this little kitten from the pound in St. Peter. They, and the place where we bought all the supplies gave us lots of cautionary advice about introducing the kitten and Gus. Gus watches over Woodrow like a mama and licks his face every chance he gets. Woodrow is not the least bit afraid of Gus.

Since my eye surgery, my eyes are very light-sensitive. The clinic gave me these very flattering sunglasses. Polarized, no less. Regis took this lovely photo of me as I came home from an errand this morning, then sent it to me with the subject line: Bug eyes is home. Haha!

We had a stuffed pepper extravaganza this week one night. We ate a few that night, a few the next night, and vacuum sealed the rest for January when we'll be craving the taste of hot peppers.

This is Woodrow asleep on my lap. He woke Regis up at 4 this morning by pouncing on his head. He has been sleeping almost all day so we could be in for some action tonight, too. I went down to the vet's office today and bought him a few more toys and a tiny harness and leash. 

This is the google car that drives down streets and takes pictures for street view. 

report from the OR and other musings

This is a photo taken by my sweet husband after I came back from surgery for my cataract. I know it's a horrible picture but I have lost all modesty about good and bad pictures of me in medical situations. It is what it is. And I yam what I yam, as Popeye used to say.

I haven't been able to see well enough out of either eye today to write or read much. Maybe my right eye is lonely because my left eye is messed up or maybe there is a more scientific reason. Whatever. I was also half kicked from the Versed which is nice in that it lets you sleep away an afternoon and not nice in that you are not the least bit tired when night comes. I guess if a guy had some self-control and would stay awake even when sleepy, it wouldn't be such a problem. Well, that guy is not me.

When the nurse asked me if I had any problems with mild sedation, I said, "No, I actually like a little mild sedation." I would hate to see what they write in my chart.

When I went to my pre-op physical last week, my doctor decided that I needed a colonoscopy due to the kind of polyp I had last time. Lovely. When you get over 60, there is not an orifice on your body they don't want to examine up close and often. Well, the procedure wasn't even scheduled yet and I had a message from the pharmacy that my prescription (in a gallon jug) was ready. And yesterday, in the midst of preparing for cataract surgery, I had to go to "colonoscopy education". WTF. I told the nurse doing the educating that I would be lucky if I didn't put the GoLightly in my eyes and the eye drops up my ass. (I used this joke in an email to Karen and it got a good cyber-laugh so I had to use it again.)

Maybe after September 30th, I'll be done with medical procedures for a while. I came home very grumpy from the colonoscopy education. Very grumpy. Truth be told, there is not much to be educated about...and you know this if you have had one.

After surgery, they slapped this big ass metal fly-eye patch on my eyes. It has holes, purportedly for aeration, but it makes it impossible to see. You keep trying to focus your messed up eye through the tiny holes but end up just keeping the eye closed. I thought about making a little gauze curtain but didn't have the gumption.

I really don't mind medical procedures. Everyone is so nice and they give you those great drugs to make you sleep. The nurses were pretty funny today...the anesthesiologist, not so much. I guess it's a good thing he is serious about his job. The food wasn't great, though. I asked about breakfast and they brought me a cup of coffee and a package of Ritz crackers. That ain't breakfast in my world, sister.

I didn't really like going into the operating room fully awake. In the past I have always been on my way to the nether regions before being carted down the back hallways. I get kind of goofy and announce, "Traffic jam!" if we meet up with another cart in the hall. Not always such a good idea.

There are lots of very intimidating big machines, bright lights, and shiny surfaces. I would rather be asleep for that part. At one point, I asked if I they had given me the sedative yet and the doctor said, "Give her a little more". I had a lot of comments to make and they were probably tired of me running at the mouth.

There are always strange folks in the waiting rooms of surgery centers. Today's weird dude was a middle aged guy with a red mohawk. In a loud and strident voice, he was telling his medical history, including the many times he almost died, to a woman who looked like if she had half a chance, she would strangle him by the neck. Had I not been called back by the nurse, I certainly would have assisted her. Who, in a waiting room, needs to be subjected to that kind of shit? We all have our own worries, pal.

Ah, well. It's a slice of life.

I was asked by a friend of mine to be on a "committee". I generally loathe committees because they have too many meetings that accomplish too little. This one sounds interesting so I'll call her and inquire about meeting length and such. My dad always said a meeting that lasts more than an hour is a waste of time and I tend to agree.

Today I received my lifetime substitute teaching license from the department of education which means, not only can I sub up until the day I croak (not more than fifteen days in the same classroom) but that my mental health is good enough that it will allow me to enter a school without a complete neural network breakdown. I am looking at this, especially the last part, as a good thing.

This has really been an uplifting blog post. Cataract surgery, colonoscopy, committees, and substitute teaching. My life has been more fun that this, honestly.

Regis made stuffed mushrooms on the grill tonight. Giant portabello mushrooms with Andouille sausage and cheese. We had talked about it yesterday but I couldn't summon the mental energy to participate in any way except eating them. I said my mind was muddled and it was.

They lectured me today about resting, not drinking alcohol, and not doing anything risky. I told Regis I was going to come home, jump on my unicycle, and ride down to the bars for a couple beers. Hahaha! I don't even have a unicycle and I wasn't awake long enough to do this, but it was a funny thought, eh? I wish I had said it to the nurse who was lecturing me in that serious voice, but sometimes I am a slow processor. Now I'm awake at midnight having a gin and tonic...two out of three isn't bad. Hey, is the math right on that?

I don't know about your colonoscopy education but my nurse gave me a big brochure that said to not eat whole wheat bread, fruits, or vegetables for seven days prior to the procedure. What? What are you supposed to eat? She said in response, "Well, I ate that. I ate that." Hell. I am a rule follower (most of the time) and so now I am confused. I might have to call someone and see what the real deal is. Do they think I'll eat pork chops and shrimp for seven days?

I'm on a roll here. Bear with me.

For a person who hadn't had surgery since a tonsillectomy at the age of five, I am cruising on a record breaking year. I have had so many procedures in so many places this year I can't remember where I had what. I expect to live to be a very old lady so this better be the end of it.

Writing and revising are two of my favorite things. I write a few paragraphs, read them over, add a sentence, change some words, make one sentence where I had two previously. It's like my love of diagramming sentences. I should start a club....or a committee.

I have confessed here before that I like to play Candy Crush but I won't pay money or link it to Facebook. So, I am stuck playing Level 35 into eternity. Mostly I don't care but I can see a day coming, maybe next week, when it will get tiresome. I do wonder how people get to Level 137. Seriously. That requires some investiture of time and capital...or at least public disclosure.

I have some weird color refractions (?) in my right eye. Is that a post-surgical thing? It's like movies you see of  LSD trips. I remember seeing weird colors during surgery so I am trying not to be concerned...and I see the doctor tomorrow. I don't want them to take my real eye out with an ice cream scoop and replace it with a marble.

a feast for the senses

This is the weekend of the 23rd Rock Bend Folk Festival in St. Peter. I've been to many of them...sometimes it's 40 degrees and sometimes it's 95 degrees. Although I am not a fan of extreme heat, I think it's more fun when it's hot. People are up and about more instead of being hunkered down in blankets.

There are so many colorful characters, those performing and those attending. You can see Jack Sparrow and his lady friend were wandering the grounds yesterday. 

Lone Star, our favorite barbecue place in town, was one of the vendors. The delicious smell of barbecue wafted over the grounds. We had to share a half-rack. Nothing like licking barbecue spice off your fingers on a summer day.

This giant puppet from Heart of the Beast wandered the grounds, too. There were two of them and they scared the crap out of some adults I know so these children are very brave.

I thought about asking this dude to trade hats with me but Regis didn't think he'd go for it. One of my favorite parts of the festival is all the interesting folk who come out, dressed in their regalia. It's like they get up in the morning and think what the hell, I'm going to a music festival, I'll wear that insane hat.

We always buy a couple buttons and a couple raffle tickets. Yesterday, the ticket I bought for Regis was one of the first drawn for a prize. We won this lovely pottery jug. All in all, a splendid day at the park.

On to the week. It will be a busy one with my eye surgery on Tuesday and a follow-up appointment the next day. Regis will go buy groceries in the morning and I better get going on the list.

moment of zen

I joined an on-line forum for reflection and change. It's very interesting...many of the people are from other countries. I have set some goals, check in each day about my habits, and get encouragement from others about how I'm doing. It's fun because you know how verbose I can be. It's another outlet for my blabbiness.

I had a couple of epiphanies this week. One was about my baby books (I had two!) and one was about a folder of papers I have kept since my nephew died. How do these things roll around in your head for years and then pop into your consciousness in a different form? Mary says a guy's unconscious is always processing life experiences.

I read through my (quite extensive) folder of writing, too. Some of that shit isn't too bad for an amateur. Maybe I'll try to get it in better shape and organized. I have one piece that an instructor suggested making into a children's book. I think that might be beyond my conceptual capabilities.

I also started a genealogy project after years of saying I had no interest. I have tons of information about my mom's side of the family but had very little about my dad's side. I wasn't even sure of the names of his grandparents. Armed with three pictures of some ancestors with names on the back and approximate dates, I marched into one of the internet sites that specializes in that sort of thing. It's miraculous.

I found not only names and dates going back to the 1700's but documents supporting the facts. I looked at draft cards, census records, lists of passengers on ships. Some of these folks came across the ocean on ships when they were small children. How much courage would that take?

One of the earliest relatives I found was married four times and produced a shit load of off-spring. One of the issues in sorting that all out is that back in the day, sometimes people had one baby who died and then they gave the same name to a later child. I'm going to print his tree today and see if I can make sense of it.

Happy Friday! Making crab cakes and cucumber salad for dinner tonight. Going to Rock Bend tomorrow. Should be a great weekend.

cruising into fall

Regis and I have kind of a summer to autumn transition ennui. We're not unhappy, just a little lethargic. It takes more energy to start up the grill, prepare food to cook outside, do yard chores, water patio plants. 

Yeah, we must be getting mentally ready for meatloaf and cold weather. Ready to put the garden to bed, ready to sweep down the spider webs for the year, ready to trade out the lawn mower for the snow blower.

I'm ready for cooler weather...maybe not snow...but cooler weather. I hate hot weather clothes. I like sweaters and scarves and fall colors.

We're listening to KMSU this morning. It's the birthday of the Legendary Stardust Cowboy. Happy birthday, Ledge!

If you haven't heard of him: The Legendary Stardust Cowboy is an outsider performer who is considered one of the pioneers of the genre that came to be known as psychobilly in the 1960s. While sometimes considered a novelty artist, he regards himself a serious performer.

You can check him out on youtube. Paralyzed is my favorite song...and next is My Underwear Froze to the Clothesline. We always send him a birthday card and a Christmas card because he loves fan mail.

I didn't post a youtube video because this might not be your thing. We used to hear his songs on KMSU and when he came to town, I insisted we go just to see who else would be there. I could not imagine. Interesting that now we have developed a taste for it and always turn the radio up when they play one of his songs. He's a hoot.

I told myself I would get up and gt moving by 9 o'clock so I better think about moving on. I think I will go for a walk and stop at the coop for a few groceries. Our big trip is Monday but there are a few things I want to get before the weekend.

See ya. Later.

forces in the universe and a couple rants

Yesterday I slept until 7 am. This morning, I woke up at 4 am to find Regis in the living room drinking tea. He's been awake since 2:30. What gives? My funny doctor, Ruth, not the sex Doctor Ruth, said she thought there were forces in the universe that keep people awake sometimes. I'll go with that.

We're much more likely to see this part of the day than the other end. After 8 o'clock, it's lights out at our house.

I went to see my regular doctor (as opposed to my irregular doctor) yesterday for my annual physical and for my pre-op physical for cataract surgery. I think I'm straight now on when what is due although she is checking on one test I would rather forgo. You can guess. She is a great doctor...we tell stories and laugh and groan and carry on together. I love it when you can hug a doctor at the end of your visit.

I'm working on gratitude this month and it's been interesting. I thought I had a good handle on being grateful but it's nice to sit quietly a couple times a day and think about what I am grateful for. One thing is being able, most times, to not end my sentences with prepositions. Old habits die hard.

So, on the flip side of gratitude, here are my recent rants:

I was looking at an ad for a "big box" pharmacy. I bet was on page ten before I got to anything resembling pharmacy-like products. There were clothes, fans, school supplies, several pages of food items, frozen and otherwise.

My least favorite man mall store is now selling food. Oh, great. The hardware type stuff a guy would usually go in there for (dragged behind a team of wild horses) now must take up about two aisles while the rest of the store is filled with shit you don't need but might buy anyway just because you're over-stimulated.

My favorite grocery store does sell some miscellaneous items non-food related items but the thing that irks me most there is the random placement of things... like licorice in the paper product section. I'm going to take pictures of that weirdness next time I go there.

I think the purpose is distraction and marketing. Oh, here I have toilet paper on my list. Licorice! Yeah, I'll take some of that!

Coupons. Especially coupons with a whole back side full of exclusions. I could go on a big rant on this subject alone. I went into a women's clothing store once with a coupon for 20% off an item that was not on sale. The saleswoman told me that everything in the store was on sale and she suggested I come back when the sale was over. WTF.

I haven't gotten the email telling me that I have no agenda items today so I must have a couple things to do. One is the eye doc appointment. Then I want to spend some time on ancestry.com doing some research on my dad's side of the family. Mom's family has a couple ambitious members who have produced books full of information on that side but my dad's family has sort of dwindled in numbers and in story.

If I have any ambition left, I want to organize a couple book shelves. They're starting to over-flow and need to be winnowed. It will be a full day.

living gently today

I started the day by drinking coffee and watching the giant panda cam at the Smithsonian National Zoo. Mama panda and baby are sleeping, all curled up together. Very sweet.

I forgot to post the link to the google page for the Labor Day photo collection. Sometimes it's hard to watch the tiny slideshow on my blog. At the top of the picassa page, you can choose slideshow and it makes them BIG so you can really see the details on our old and saggy selves as well as the happy faces of the all the kids. Here's some of each:

Elliot and Zoey won the Best Giggler awards at the party. 

Facebook is full to the brim of first day of school photos this morning. It's nice to see the excitement of that first day...new clothes, new backpacks, big smiles, loads of enthusiasm for learning. Now, let the education system suck that out of you until you are nothing but a dry husk at the end of your senior year. Wahahahaha! I don't mean that but I couldn't resist the urge to be sarcastic. Oh, yeah...this is probably not living gently.

I signed up for a program called Sea Change. I think I'll like it. It's about habit changing...one step at a time in a mindful way. A gentle way.

I have a pre-op physical today for my cataract surgery next week. Did you know they stick a small probe in your eye and vaporize the old lens, then suck out the pieces? They they fold up the new lens and stick it back in your eye where it unfolds. Amazing stuff. I wonder how they discover they can do this?

Happy Labor Day 2013!

We like to have a party to celebrate the end of summer and the beginning of autumn and Labor Day. This year, Betty and Tom graciously offered to host the party at their home. The weather has been so hot and we thought it would be nice to enjoy their pool. Turned out to be more autumn-like than hot and blazing but the sun came out long enough in the afternoon that we could get in the pool. It was a blast.

ivy, dreams, pinball, and true confessions

I woke up at 6:30 which is and isn't normal. On good sleeping nights I wake up early and feel great. On bad sleeping nights I linger in bed until 8:00 or after and feel like crap.

I took on a giant project yesterday. I planted Engelman Ivy on my chain link fence a few years back. In the spring it appears to be quite in control but by this time of the summer, it has become a frightening abomination. It clings to volunteer trees until they are hidden so once you start chopping, there is just no end.

I started hacking some of it down when I saw Regis trying to mow around and under it. Soon I had a giant pile of vines, tree parts, roots, and monster leaves. One of our very kind neighbors offered to tote it to the compost site, thank God. It might have come to life in the night if it hadn't been hauled away.

It's lush and beautiful in the summer, some of the leaves get as big as dinner plates, and the fall colors are gorgeous. But it's scary. I know, if I didn't cut it back severely, it would take over the yard and probably the house. I imagine it to be like kudzu:

Kudzu (Pueraria lobata) is a serious invasive plant in the United States. It has been spreading in the southern U.S. at the rate of 150,000 acres (61,000 ha) annually, "easily outpacing the use of herbicide spraying and mowing, as well increasing the costs of these controls by $6 million annually."[1] Its introduction has produced devastating environmental consequences.[2] This has earned it the nickname, "The vine that ate the South."

I watered all my plants yesterday. I'm usually a believer in the Darwin theory of gardening: survival of the fittest, but this was my best garden in a long time and I didn't want those newly transplanted hostas to croak for lack of water. If it cools off and if we get some rain this fall, I won't have to do it again.

We watched a Lewis Black comedy special last night, In God We Rust. He is a serious hoot. We both laughed out loud many times. I overheard a conversation the other day, two guys talking about how easy it must be to be a comedian. They surmised that if you're funny, you're funny...what's so hard about that? I thought to myself, not wanting to enter into a conversation to which I had not been invited although that hasn't always stopped me in the past...it must be incredibly hard to be a comedian. Words, timing, edgy, not too edgy. I read Steve Martin's book Born Standing Up. Very good book about how he spent years perfecting his acts. Down to the second and down to each facial expression. He made it look easy but he said it was exhausting.

Two things I want to confess this morning. One, I do not like most forms of jazz. I know that probably marks me as a rube, but it sounds like something I could do, and like art, if it's something I could do, it's hard to have any respect. Maybe if I knew more about it, I could appreciate it. It just sounds like random notes to me.

The other thing...wait, I forgot.

Oh, yeah. I play Candy Crush Saga. I never pay money, I don't give or take any lives, I don't share on Facebook that I play it, and I don't care that I might have to play Level 35 forever because I won't do any of those things they demand in order to have access to more levels.

I've decided it's like pinball was in my youth. We went to a small cafe right across the alley from the church after confirmation class on Saturday morning and took turns playing pinball. There was one machine, it cost a quarter to play, and it made the best noises. I don't remember caring a fig what my score was...it was the sensory experience that mattered. The silver ball shooting up the alley, the sound as it hit a paddle, the bells and sirens when you made points, the gentle bump you gave the machine with your hip when you wanted to sway the ball a little, the points adding up on the scoreboard.

The last piece of suture from my port incision came out this morning. Weird to think those foreign things are in my body, working to get to the outside. The runes I've read the last few days have been about clarity and making changes... it makes me think that, like the sutures, the bubbles in my head are fighting to get out, too. Old memories, regrets, sorrows, things for which I can't forgive myself.

I rarely dream and even if I do, I don't remember them. The last few weeks, though, I have had strange, anxiety ridden dreams that are still with me when I wake up. Not so disturbing as they were in my sleep, but there. Mary might say I am processing. The other night I had a dream that Peter was adopted and I couldn't find the evidence...no pictures at the airport, no paperwork, no mementos. I was frantic because I knew I had all of that for Tiffany. Aren't our minds funny?

We're going to make stuffed peppers on the grill tonight and try freezing some. It's the one taste we really miss in the dead of winter.

Labor Day weekend. Time to start thinking about fall...a few plants to bring into the house, garden art to put away, bird bath to empty, more tree trimming, tidying up the yard areas I have decimated this summer to prepare for grass next spring. Thinking ahead...something I haven't done for a while.

2000th post

I started this blog in 1990 and called it Buns of Stone because Regis and I were going to walk 500 miles in a year. Yeah, well...that never happened. We were going to write together and that didn't happen often either. He fell by the wayside and I continued my ranting, hand-wringing, story telling, and celebrating for 13 more years. This is my 2000th post.

ESFP - The Performers

I put my blog address in typealyzer [http://www.typealyzer.com/] and here is what it said.
The author of http://www.teresasaum.com is of the type ESFP. (Notice the absence of the T which means I have no affinity for math and logic. What a surprise.)

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft beautiful textiles, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves. ESFPs love being around people and having new experiences. Living in the here-and-now, they often do not think about long term effects or the consequences of their actions.

ESFPs live in the moment, experiencing life to the fullest. They enjoy people, as well as material comforts. Rarely allowing conventions to interfere with their lives, they find creative ways to meet human needs. Active types, they find pleasure in new experiences. 
They enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions. ESFPs are excellent team players, focused on completing the task at hand with maximum fun and minimum discord.

I don't think you'd have to use a computer to analyze my blog to figure this stuff out. I don't think I've ever mentioned quadratic equations once and I talk about cooking and parties all the time.

We met Mom at George's in New Ulm late afternoon yesterday. It was too hot to do any shopping so we just sat there from 4 until 6:30, sipping wine, sampling wonderful appetizers, and enjoying our meal. George is quite a host and the food was delicious! I had tuna with wasabi that brought tears to my eyes.

Regis went out in the yard with Gus this morning and came in with the toes of his shoes covered in pollen. No wonder we have sinus issues. He claims he is going to cut the grass today and I claim I am going to water my garden. Wish us success in the 90 degree heat and blazing sun.

I miscounted...what a surprise

Actually I didn't count 2000 posts, that would be an impossibility and if I did it ten times, I would get ten different numbers. Today is 1999. I know it doesn't make a whit of difference but I'm trying to be accurate.

There is a noodley thing on my admin site that keeps track of such things so it should be easy but you know me and my math thing.

There's also a stat thing. It says my blog has had almost 70,000 page views. I think a lot of those must be guys in China trolling for people to send viagra comments.

Tomorrow will be #2000.

Yesterday I was in the grip of ennui. I took a nap in the morning, did nothing most of the day, hid out in the bedroom after lunch and finally decided I had to get outside and do something. I went up to Tom and Betty's and got in the pool first with Tom, then with Betty. There is nothing more therapeutic than paddling around a swimming pool in a big chair, drinking a cold beer.

It's been so hot here that it's hard to enjoy the outdoors. We had such a lush summer and now no rain for quite a while so the grass is brown and crispy, except where it's shady or people water. We think it's a waste of planetary resources to water grass. Now, filling a pool for the dog, that is another story.

It's state fair week in Minnesota so if you have a hankering for anything on a stick, that is the place to go. A million sweaty people in a small space standing in line for deep fried pickles. Not for me. Hell with corn dogs.

If we were television news watchers we could see all the action at the fair because every tv and radio station in the state is there watching pigs give birth. If any real news happened, we would have to wait until after Labor Day to find out about it. Now that I think about it, if all the news covered was the fair, I would be more inclined to watch. Some of that stuff is creepy.

See ya.

commanding the simple precinct of home

I always dread the question one gets at the end of summer: Did you travel? Now, thanks to Billy Collins, I have an answer. No, I did not travel. I have been commanding the simple presinct of home.

Consolation
by Billy Collins

How agreeable it is not to be touring Italy this summer,
wandering her cities and ascending her torrid hilltowns.
How much better to cruise these local, familiar streets,
fully grasping the meaning of every roadsign and billboard
and all the sudden hand gestures of my compatriots.

There are no abbeys here, no crumbling frescoes or famous
domes and there is no need to memorize a succession
of kings or tour the dripping corners of a dungeon.
No need to stand around a sarcophagus, see Napoleon’s
little bed on Elba, or view the bones of a saint under glass.

How much better to command the simple precinct of home
than be dwarfed by pillar, arch, and basilica.
Why hide my head in phrase books and wrinkled maps?
Why feed scenery into a hungry, one-eyed camera
eager to eat the world one monument at a time?

Instead of slouching in a café ignorant of the word for ice,
I will head down to the coffee shop and the waitress
known as Dot. I will slide into the flow of the morning
paper, all language barriers down,
rivers of idiom running freely, eggs over easy on the way.

And after breakfast, I will not have to find someone
willing to photograph me with my arm around the owner.
I will not puzzle over the bill or record in a journal

what I had to eat and how the sun came in the window.
It is enough to climb back into the car

as if it were the great car of English itself
and sounding my loud vernacular horn, speed off
down a road that will never lead to Rome, not even Bologna.

here's what I have been doing this week

So, far, this has been a week of little activity. It's too hot to do much outdoor work, so I do the necessary things to keep the plants alive then I fill up Gus's pink pool and sit with my feet in the water while I read. 

I wear sandals when I garden so I can hose my feet off when I get hot. Hence the dirty toes. No way around it. I figured out that if I wear socks and shoes, the dirt still gets through so you have the disadvantages of having your feet be hot AND dirty.

In the morning when the water is warm (and dirty), I use it to water the garden. When Regis and Gus come back from a trip to the dog park, I fill it with cold water again and he heads right into the water. 

Last night I watered plants and filled the bird bath and when I bent over to move the hose, sweat ran into my eyes and stung. I think that's a first for me which says something about my activity level in the heat, I guess. Immobile.That's what I am.

I just checked back and see I used the pink pool picture of my feet in a previous post. That's the kind of week it's been. Too lazy to take new pictures. Recycle the old ones.

The movie theater in St. Peter is being demolished this week. Kind of sad but not really. It was never a very nice experience. Popcorn sometimes tasted like it had been saved from the day before, never enough help, usually we were the only ones in the theater which is really not the point of the theater experience. It always felt like a neglected place. A sign of the times, I guess. Tear down the theater and put up a parking lot.

I read this book this week. I can't remember what drew me to it as I didn't even realize at first that the author is from Waseca and now lives in Mankato. I've been a fan of Thomas Lynch who wrote The Undertaking. As you would not expect, these books about grave diggers and undertakers are not about death but powerfully and poignantly about life. I highly recommend this book by Rachel Hanel. Also anything by Thomas Lynch. I've been known to buy copies of his books when I find them on the remainder table even if I already have a copy.

Put a cabbage leaf on your head today. It will help keep you cool and you can eat it with your dinner at the end of the day.

breathing and sweeping spider webs

I have been busy sweeping the spider webs from my head. Funny how those damn things get in there and occupy their own dusty shelves. It takes some work to find them and banish them. It was a wonderful cosmic accident (or not an accident) that I found Mary to help. I have great faith in her.

I spent the morning reading old writing and compiling a binder because that's what I do when I want to organize my head. I have a weight loss surgery binder (used to have two but let go of one...), I have an exercise binder, and now I have this new head binder.

The Buddha quote and the St. Therese prayer are on the front. An oak leaf that I saved from last fall is on the back. Inside...lots of calendars, articles, writing, pictures, and my goals for healthy living.

Off to do the dishes. We had to get a new water heater because, of course, the warranty just expired...right before the damn thing sprung a leak.

happy birthday to my cousin!

Today is my cousin, Deb's, birthday. I won't say how old she is but you can see we're close in age. In fact, we might be the same age for a few months until I get the jump on her in October.

We were always more like sisters than cousins. She was from an all-boy family and so was I. In the old days, before cell phones and the interwebs, we wrote real letters. Our families visited in the summer and on holidays, even though it was almost 300 miles across the state. 

Once in a while, I went there to visit by myself. It was a wonderful place to visit...Houston is in the SE corner of Minnesota, a landscape of hills and ravines. So different from the prairie side of Minnesota where I grew up that it seemed exotic. 

Deb had a room at the top of their stucco house with a tiny window over the bed. We would kneel on her bed into the hot summer night and watch the traffic around the park. 

Deb and Teresa at Tulaby Lake...maybe late 1950's.

Deb came for a visit this spring.

Deb as a little girl.

Two princesses taking care of daily hygiene. 

Me on the left in the tub and Deb on the right in the sink.

Deb and Larry at Mom's birthday party in Canby.

Deb in Rochester about four years ago.

I think this was taken at Tulaby, too, but I have an unreliable memory.

On our way to a bluegrass festival in Cedar Rapids.

Celebrating New Year's Eve. Our black boas left a trail of feathers as we left the fancy restaurant...all around the table, over the dessert cart, stuck to the butter dishes. 

We laughed ourselves stupid.

Deb came to visit me in Cedar Rapids. She got ready for bed in the bathroom while I got ready for bed in the bedroom. When she emerged, we laughed and laughed because were in the same attire....flannel nightgowns and navy blue knee-high socks. Hot Norwegian chicks, right?

This is us in front of our funky apartment in Mount Vernon. There are too many stories about those years to tell here. Most of them resulting in raucous, out-of-control laughter.

Here we are on our wine trip in California. Deb is a seasoned travel but this is one of about five trips I've taken in my life. It was a hoot. I envisioned myself riding in a convertible with my chiffon scarf flying as we tooled past palm trees, but in truth, San Francisco was so cold I had to buy turtle neck sweaters while I was there.

Good times, tough times....but always lots of laughter and memories.

Happy birthday, with love, Deb!

how hot?

Yikes!

I think we may have taken weather warnings a bit too far. We get excessive heat warnings on our phones about every fifteen minutes. No shit. Like you'd forget between the time you read it and then got up to walk out the door. Wait...what was that again?

Excessive heat, like excessive cold, seems like a good reason to hunker down and not do much. Ella and I rigged up a shopping cart with a luggage carrier and a yellow basket and walked to the farmer's market. We bought two melons, two jars of pickles, some hot peppers, and two tomatoes. After that, I didn't do much but sit on the swing.

We watched a movie last night which was entertaining but I'm sure the actor had a serious shot or two of botox in his lips and it was distracting. Good movie but who has lips that big?

I need a hair cut and Regis is nervous about doing it. I tell him it's only hair and it will grow back. I just want it very short so how bad can it be? I spent the winter bald so I have a devil-may-care attitude about this.

We're cooking ribs on the grill this afternoon. It's already balmy out there so this could require the pool to be filled and a cold drink.

weekends

I don't even work and by the end of the week, I'm tired. What the hell. I did have a busy week, but still seems slothful.

One night this week, I worked in the garden then filled up the pool for Gus. Nice soak for my feet and it was very cooling. It would look better if I had a nice pedicure but instead I have garden toes.

I've been in the back yard lately. Our back yard is tiny and pretty much featureless so there's no attraction. One day this week, I decided to put up my ancient clothes hanger thing. One of those square ones on a pole. It did the job but I noticed the next day that the one plastic piece on it had broken. I think I can fix it. I use it once every ten years so I'm not of a mind to replace it.

I found our walnut tree stump needs a mowing. The stump has been there since the tornado took the tree down. We tried once to have it removed but the stump removal guy couldn't get his machine through the gate. We decided to just let it weather away. It's kind of interesting anyway and I'm glad it's still there.

I have two things on the agenda for the day, both pleasant. Then nothing for the rest of the weekend. It could be a lazy one...sitting in the shade, reading, taking naps. Yahoo.

ahhhhhh

It was a long day. Regis toted me over to the East Ridge Clinic at 9 am for my mammogram and blood draw. Then we tooled around Mankato for a while doing some retail therapy (successful thrift/consignment store shopping), pet store for Gus, lunch at Blue Bricks, then more appointments. I saw the research nurse and oncologist this afternoon. All is well. I'll go back every three months for two years, mostly due to research protocol. They expect me to be a survivor.

Re: the successful retail therapy. I bought a couple of great black sweaters for wear with leggings, a Chico's knit top at a steal, a pair of Guinness pajama pants (don't ask), a great tropical looking caftan (I know...nobody wears those anymore), and the best denim jacket ever. I might give the jacket to a friend who has a birthday coming up if I can bear to part with it. Of course, there is always the chance he will turn up his nose and say I should keep it. Haha!

Then I came home to find St. Francis and a bonsai tree on my step! No surprises. I ordered the St. Francis for my garden and Mike left the bonsai tree with me to care for while he's gone. I'm a tree babysitter! (Two pints of water/day.)

Regis asked if my yard art collection is complete. I said a hesitant yes. A guy just never knows when the perfect pink flamingo will come along.

Since I spent most of the day in sterile environments, why do I feel so grubby? Maybe because I've had other peoples' hands on me....everywhere. Very nice people with good intentions, but still.

My oncologist is the best. We had a long talk about where breast cancer comes from and what makes it hard to know. He said years ago, people said heart attack when they didn't know. It wasn't until the 70's when they could very accurately diagnose breast cancer which makes family history pretty much worthless. He's a doll, that doctor.

I'm going to have a gin and tonic on the patio and go to bed early.