Christmas letter dilemma

We decided to do a Christmas letter again this year after the PowerPoint debacle of last year. If you didn't get one, it's probably lost in the mail or caught in one of the power sorters of the PO. They were not hardy discs and few of them survived the trip.

So, a week ago, I write my first draft. I knew it didn't have the edge. It came too slow and was too sappy and predictable. There was no punch. It was like a Christmas letter from Plaid Pants Village. Hope for the best. Regis said we can't send out a Christmas letter like the kind we make fun of. You know those braggy and pretentious letters about the wonderful year and all the smart kids and well-mannered dogs.

My Aunt Chris wrote the best Christmas letters. They were Erma-Bombeckesque (hey, good word) and kind of stream-of-consciousness if your consciousness had a little brandy floating through it. She would write things like this: I'm making six dozen peanut blossoms tonight...oh hear comes the the damn dog thru the kitchen...Bud, turn on the porch light..somebody better get those cookies out of the damn oven. (Hey, this could be the branch of the family tree where I get my trashy language.) They were a grand read and funnier than hell in a time when Christmas letters were mostly stupid.

Regis is anxiously awaiting the predicted snow storm. The big stumbling block is that the basement child has her belongings in the garage and the snow blower is behind all that crap. It could be a problem but I don't think it will prevent him from being excited about the possibility of a blizzard. We need one like we had in the 60's...or even like we had in the mid-90's. Those were blizzards.

Well, back to the Christmas letter. Maybe I'll publish some our old triumphs here. We had a few good ones.

Wind makes me insane

The wind has been blowing full force for two days. It didn't keep me up last night but it has made things miserable today. I was at a meeting a local coffee shop today and it was so damn cold in there that I finally asked them to turn the heat up. The dude behind the counter said, "It's broken." I said, "The thermostat or the furnace?" By the time I left, I think my legs were frozen below the knee which doesn't do much for a guy's disposition. I can only imagine living on the prairie on those cabins with the wind and snow blowing in through every crack. No wonder those women took an axe to someone's head eventually. That's a joke so don't call the authorities.

Windy Evening
by Charles Simic

This old world needs propping up
When it gets this cold and windy.
The cleverly painted sets,
Oh, they're shaking badly!
They're about to come down.
There'll be nothing but infinite space then.
The silence supreme. Almighty silence.
Egyptian sky. Stars like torches
Of grave robbers entering the crypts of the kings.
Even the wind pausing, waiting to see.
Better grab hold of that tree, Lucille.
Its shape crazed, terror-stricken.
I'll hold the barn.
The chickens in it uneasy.
Smart chickens, rickety world.

Middle of the night

It's 4:02 a.m. I've been awake since 2:30 and I just read yesterday's post and noticed the apostrophe in its. I had to sign on and delete it because that kind of things bothers me at this hour. I don't know what woke me up...could have been the wind which is howling. Could have been the banging door of the closet of anxieties. Why does all that crap wander into your mind in the middle of the night? Soon it won't be worth trying to go back to sleep which means by about 10, I'll need a nap. They frown on that when you're at work.

I don't know why sleep gets so unpredictable when you get older. I remember sleeping for 12 hours when I was younger and barely moving all night. Now, the slightest thing wakes me up and no matter what time I go to bed, I wake up at 5. Or 2:30. This would be easier if I didn't have to work, you realize.

Sunday night after four days off

Uff da. That's all I can say. We've had such a nice long weekend and gotten so much done and been so relaxed. We've both slept all night without waking up to prowl the house at 3 a.m. I can only give credit to not working. Now to figure out a way to fund that lifestyle.

This morning I woke up with a yen to go to the new Lowe's store in Mankato. Don't ask me why. We bought a Christmas tree that's seven feet tall but narrow. I tried to find a picture of it to post but being a low-end and not pre-lit tree, it didn't qualify for the website. It seems pre-lit trees are all the rage, but I have bad history with strings of lights and I could see myself trying to untangle the lights from the branches next year.

If you've seen our previous Christmas trees, this is an improvement. I don't think we've ever had one taller than four feet. The one we had the longest was a Charlie Brown tree. I think it's official name was "Alpine tree" but you get the picture. I won't put the tree up or decorate it until November is over so next weekend I'll post of photo of it in all its skinny little glory.

The last few years I got rid of lots of stuff but this year I feel the need for gaudy and extravagant. I was attracted to the singing ornaments and the big lawn decorations today. Stop me before I make a fool of myself!

The turkey leftovers are almost gone. I have a big pot of carcass and vegetables on the stove to make broth and Regis is going to bag up and freeze whatever is left in the refrigerator. I've had my fill of lefse for a while which should not come as a surprise since I had it for two meals today.

A few days ago I posted of my need for cordial glasses. The day we went on that mission, we went right by TJ Maxx but they weren't open and I ended up buying some at Gordman's that were not exactly what I wanted. Today at TJ Maxx, I found just what I wanted... a set of four tiny stemmed glasses with a gold rim. They're all different which makes them even cooler. I bought five sets of four, thinking I would give three sets for presents but I can already feel the need to keep them all. You never know when I could have twenty people here for after dinner drinks. I have an addiction to glassware. I admit it.

Congratulations to Annie and Tanner and all the grandmas and grandpas and aunties and uncles and cousins on the birth of Miles Jay on the 23rd! A good day to be born!

Technology

I learned how to add a slideshow from Picasa to my blog. I've decided to scrap my mac site and go to Picasa and Google so now I have to figure that out. Here's my first attempt at a Google page and a Picasa web album:
Thanksgiving 2007
Picasa Web Album
Same pictures everywhere...I just want to see how they all link up. Google seems slow but it could be because of my old mac. They have a downloader for mac but of course, my system is not compatible.

Thanksgiving Pictures

Pajama Day

I've decided this is a pajama day. That means I don't get dressed until at least noon. Regis made tentative plans with young Regis to go to the new Lowe's in Mankato to buy flashlights at 5:00 this morning. He didn't set his alarm so I knew it was a weak desire but at 5:40, the phone rang. That was it for my sleeping. Of course, Mr. Flashlight is still in bed sawing logs.

Regis loves flashlights. Last night when we started talking about the flashlight caper, I did a quick scan of two rooms and found five flashlights:

1. A waterproof flashlight
2. A magnet-driven flashlight invented in 1890
3. A blacklight flashlight
4. An LED flashlight
5. An 18-inch police flashlight

You get the picture.

Thanksgiving was a success and I'll post pictures later when I find the card reader. Reviews on the food were good except for the cream cheese appetizers which got 2 tablespoons of garlic salt by mistake. It's hard to pick that stuff out. The pumpkin truffles also did not fare well but they were competing with peanut butter pie. The gravy, made by Tiffany, was exceptionally good and therefore mostly gone.

We had a good time, too, aside from the food. The crowd: Bob and Emily, Ella, Tiffany, Reg and Amber. Kathy and Harvey, Teresa and Regis. Not enough room around the table but we all found places to eat and relax. After dinner we played a game of Apples to Apples which takes no concentration but makes you laugh. Harvey took a nap on the couch, Regis took a lot of pictures, Emily and Kathy did the dishes, Ella sang Clementine and blew kisses. We missed having Peter here but he had a nice day with Grandma in Canby.

A funny story about the lefse. I buy lefse at the coffee shop once in a while. This year, I ordered one package for 12 bucks. Then a friend of mine at work said her son was coming from Fargo and bringing lefse, did I want some. I ordered 2 packages for 6 bucks each. When I got my coffee shop lefse home, it was the same brand as the Fargo lefse: Freddy's. Apparently the mark-up is quite high once you leave Fargo. The mail order price is 3 packages for 38 bucks. Hey, we're eating gold!

There were stories in the paper today about people getting their friends and family together to make plans for shopping today. Apparently they drop off and pick up and have complex plans for who goes down which aisle to get what. Amber said last year she had to call Target security on an 80-year old lady who was whacking her with a purse because she'd just sold the last of something. Crowds of people line up outside the doors at 3:oo. In the morning. In the dark. When the doors open, they tear into the store with their children held over their heads so they don't get trampled. These people have different DNA than I do. I often wake up at 3 and putter around the house in my nightgown but the thought of going to Best Buy, a store I loathe on a good day, in the middle of the night to wait in a long line for a good deal on a CD player has never occurred to me. I'd rather have a root canal and a colonoscopy on the same day.

I don't know about the Best Buy in your town, but the one in Mankato is so loud you can hardly stand it. I avoid going there, but when I do and someone asks if they can help me, first I say, "What???" and then I say, "Yes, turn the music down." They always say they can't but I always ask because I think they can. What the hell. All that electronic stuff....they must have a volume knob somewhere. I suppose I am not their demographic so they don't care but they must be responsible for half the deafness in the county.

Chocolate Pumpkin Truffles

Here's the recipe:

• 2 1/2 cups crushed vanilla wafers
• 1 cup ground almonds
• 3/4 cup sifted powdered sugar
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1 cup NESTLE® TOLL HOUSE® Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels, melted
• 1/2 cup LIBBY'S® 100% Pure Pumpkin
• 1/3 cup coffee flavored liqueur

1. COMBINE crushed cookies, ground almonds, 1/2 cup powdered sugar and cinnamon in medium bowl. Blend in melted chocolate (Follow melting direction on NESTLE package,) pumpkin and coffee liqueur. Shape into 1-inch balls. Refrigerate. Dust with remaining powdered sugar just before serving.

It's two days before Thanksgiving and making truffles is the only thing I've gotten done. I'd like holidays more if they weren't so much work. A cleaning lady is what I need. I love the cooking part but cleaning up before and after is not my bag.

It's been so wet and gloomy the last two days, I swear I would rather have snow. Yesterday looked like the moors out my window at school. It was ugly. It would have been a good day to stay home on the couch with a book.

We went over to see Ella last night. She has a book called Clementine that is the words and pictures illustrating the folk song which is a morbid topic for children's book, I suppose. She says, "I love Clementine!" and wants to sing it again and again. It's so funny to see such a little girl singing, "In a cavern, in a canyon, excavating for a mine..." Do they still teach kids these old folk songs in school?

Clementine

In a cavern, in a canyon,

Excavating for a mine,

Dwelt a miner, forty-niner

And his daughter Clementine.

Light she was and like a fairy,

And her shoes were number nine,

Herring boxes without topses

Sandals were for Clementine

Drove she ducklings to the water

Every morning just at nine,

Hit her foot against a splinter

Fell into the foaming brine.

Ruby lips above the water,

Blowing bubbles soft and fine,

But alas, I was no swimmer,

So I lost my Clementine.

Oh my darling, oh my darling

Oh my darling, Clementine

Thou art lost and gone forever,

Dreadful sorry, Clementine.

Walnut Cranberry Whiskey Tart

This is one of my favorite holiday recipes. I think you could leave out the whiskey if you're a teetotaller and use apple or cranberry juice instead. I got the crust recipe from Deb who learned to make it in Paris. Look...no rolling!

French Tart Crust

4 Tbls water
1 tbls oil
3/4 butter
1 tbls sugar
Heat this in the microwave until boiling. Remove and quickly add flour (as much as needed) until the dough gathers in the middle away from the sides.
Pat into a tart pan, prick with a fork and use the fork tines to dent the sides of the crust then bake at 425 for 10-15 minutes.

Walnut Cranberry Whiskey Tart

3 eggs beaten slightly
2/3 cup sugar
3/4 cup light corn syrup
1/4 cup bourbon whiskey
1 1/2 cups chopped walnuts
3/4 cup coarsely chopped fresh cranberries
1/2 cup whipping cream whipped

Heat oven to 350.
In large bowl, combine eggs, sugar, corn syrup and whiskey; beat until well blended. Stir in walnuts and cranberries. Pour into crust.
Bake at 350 for 35 to 45 minutes until edges are puffed and center is set. Lightly cover edges the last 10 minutes.
Cool 30 minutes ...serve warm or cold with whipped cream.

Here's our menu for Thanksgiving dinner. I toyed with the idea of buying a dinner from the deli but in the end, it didn't appeal. I love to cook but hate to clean. Regis said he would be in the kitchen helping from start to finish.

Roast Turkey
Mashed Potatoes
Giblet Gravy
Green Bean Casserole
Sweet Potatoes
Bread Stuffing
Andouille Sausage Stuffing
Fresh Cranberry Relish
Dinner Rolls

Cranberry Tart
Emerill's Peanut Butter Pie
Pumpkin Truffles

Party Puffs Redux

I realize now that I left four eggs out of the puff recipe. I should have used 8 and only used 4. No wonder mine didn't pouf up as much as we expected. Also goes to show that cooking is a lot more forgiving than most people realize. What the hell. The customer service agents of Navitor won't mind a bit and probably won't even notice. If you make them, count the damn eggs.

I toyed with the idea of ordering a turkey dinner from the local grocery store. A woman who works there told me the flavor was good and in my estimation, the price was certainly right. Regis made a kind of squinchy face when I mentioned it. Guess he thinks my green bean casserole is superior to theirs. I've planted the seed so I'll just wait a few years and then do it. Maybe next year I'll make a tofurkey with Andouille sausage stuffing and roasted winter vegetables...then they'll be happy and relieved to see the Econofoods turkey.

We've been watching the Sopranos on DVD. It's a good story and more about the characters than it is about the mob. It's awfully violent, though, and leads you to believe that there is a mobster with a gun at every table in every coffee shop. I'm not sure I'll get close to New Jersey again. And what is it with the waste management? That seems to be a theme. Hey...what about the garbage guy who lives across the street from me?

Rye Party Puffs

Regis has to bring a dish for a potluck tomorrow. It's a nightmare trying to find a place to plug a crock pot in so we searched for a cold appetizer recipe that was different. Here's the result: rye party puffs. See below the recipe for comments.

Rye Party Puffs

Dough- Double this...you'll have plenty of filling!
1 cup water X 2 = 2 cups
1/2 cup butter X 2 = 1 cup
1/2 cup all-purpose flour X 2 = 1 cup
1/2 cup rye flour X 2 = 1 cup
2 teaspoons dried parsley flakes X 2 = 4 teaspoons
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder X 2 = 1 teaspoon
1/4 teaspoon salt X 2 = 1/2 teaspoon
4 eggs X 2 = 8 eggs
Caraway seeds

Corned Beef Filling
16 ounces cream cheese, softened
2 (2 1/2 ounce) packages thinly sliced
cooked corned beef, chopped
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup sour cream
2 tablespoons minced chives
2 tablespoons diced onion
1 teaspoon spicy brown mustard
1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
10 small stuffed olives, chopped

Make the filling first. Put it in the refrigerator but make sure to take it out maybe an hour before you fill the dough balls. It needs to soften to make it easier to squirt out of the bag.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

In a saucepan over medium heat, bring water and butter to a boil. Add flours, parsley, garlic powder and salt all at once; stir until a smooth ball forms. Remove from the heat; let stand for 5 minutes.

Beat in eggs, one at time. Beat until smooth.

Drop batter by rounded teaspoons 2-in. apart onto greased baking sheets.

Sprinkle with caraway. Bake at 400 degrees F for 18-20 minutes or until golden.

Remove to wire racks. Immediately cut a slit in each puff to allow steam to escape; cool. In a mixing bowl, combine the first eight filling ingredients; mix well. Stir in olives. Split puffs; add filling. Refrigerate.

Yield: 4 1/2 dozen.

NOTE: Not as much work as they sound. We used a ziploc bag because we don't own a pastry bag. It worked fine. Refrigerate until serving. Tasty spread if you're too lazy to make the puffs.

Things that annoy me- in no particular order.

1. People who stuff paper into bottles or cans. I think this goes back to my bar waitress days. At least I know I share this feeling with other women who have waited tables. I'm not even going to mention the gross habit of putting cigarettes out on plates. Someone did that at my house once and I had to throw the plate in the trash.

2. Corporations like Alltel who charge you 2.99 a month for Texas Hold 'Em on your cell phone when it isn't there and when you call customer service the woman with a very southern accent tells you the only way to get rid of it is to take the phone to the store so they can remove it. So you take it to the store and the customer service person says she can't do anything because Texas Hold 'Em isn't on your phone.

3. People who let their dogs crap on my flower beds. I don't mind when they crap on the grass. I like dogs and know they have to go somewhere but when there is a big wide grassy boulevard, why would you let your dog meander across the sidewalk and up the hill to crap on my flowers? Last spring some thoughtless moron let his dog crap on my flowers at least a dozen times. This was no accident. I picked it all up in those bright orange bags the shopper comes in and let it lay right there where Fido dropped it. It looked like my yard had been carpet bombed.

4. Long menus on the telephone. I get distracted and have to hang up and start over. Can there be just one or two choices? Five or six with submenus is too much.

5. People who turn the corners of library books over because they're too lazy and self-absorbed to get a damn bookmark.

6. Limp and pale french fries. What is the point?

7. Antibacterial dishwashing soap. Isn't the act of washing the dishes enough? I need to disinfect them? This is some OCD person's idea of a good idea.

8. Scented toilet paper and garbage bags. What is the point? I saw a dog water dish once that pumped a constant supply of fresh water for the the dog. Our dog drinks from the toilet if he gets a chance so we're going to spend 50 dollars for fresh water for him? I don't think so.

9. Frozen food. Some pizza is ok, but most frozen food is putrid and I think there should be a law that people can't eat it in your work cafeteria in front of you. I bought a South Beach chicken dinner once that was so awful I threw it in the trash and then threw out the other one in the freezer. I swear it was made from the chicken butts.

10. When I'm on hold for thirty minutes with Mediacom about my bill. Someone finally answers and they want my address, my phone number, and then....the last four digits of my husband's social security number. I come unglued. Why in the hell do you want the last four digits of my husband's social security number? The very calm customer service agent tells me it's so they can confirm my identity. So I ask him who else would spend 30 minutes on hold to pay my *%#@*^%% bill? Well? Who would?

Ms. Crabbypants is going to bed now.

White-washing the fence

Only if you've spoken to me today do you know the cryptic meaning of this blog entry title. This is probably another reason why I'm fortunate to be a lowly coordinator...or a person working in peonage or debt bondage otherwise known as indentured servitude. No resentment about my career lot in life. LOL.

Regis and I spent all day yesterday getting the home office ready for his new opportunity. He entered the Cone of Silence today so things are approaching a state of readiness. They made the other woman park in the back and enter through a different door which seems to be taking the whole idea a little far but what do I know.

I'm either too jaded or too tired to write anything worth reading tonight so I'll stop. Or maybe I'm worried about Larry's weapons of mass destruction otherwise known as the WMJ.

P.S. Check out This Goat's Life today. Belle's in Alcatraz.

Saturday

Yesterday I took half a day off and drove Peter out to his new digs in Canby. He's living with his Grandma and studying wind technology starting in January. Until then, he's working at the hospital in the kitchen, delivering meals and washing dishes. It's all good changes for him so why was I so weepy on my way home? The Dwight Yoakum CD's? The gray November skies? The 5 am wake-up call? Missing my chicken already? He'll be fine, I know.

We're done with gluten-free. Regis bought some beer today so we'll see if it makes a difference in how he feels. Going beer free didn't make that much difference. Not enough to make it worth it anyway. That gluten-free beer is so nasty I think it could cause health problems by itself. We bought lottery tickets, too. Maybe it's our lucky day.

I started a new book called Turpentine. It's a hoot. The characters are great and the plot is compelling. Highly recommend. Here an excerpt from one review:

The year is 1871, and Edward Turrentine Bayard III, sick and restless, leaves his Connecticut home to recover out west. But when the private sanitarium in which he is to stay proves to be nothing more than a rickety outpost on the Nebraskan plains, he becomes a buffalo skinner. After returning to the East, Ned teams up with Phaegin, who earns her money rolling cigars, and Curly, a fourteen-year-old coal miner, but the newfound trio is wrongly accused of triggering a bomb at a labor rally, and they must flee. With a Pinkerton agent following their every move, the gang of winsome ne'er-do-wells engages in a circuitous escape that takes them through northern outposts into Indian country, past the slums of Chicago, and into the boundless Great Plains.

On my way back across the prairie, I stopped at Schmidt's in Nicollet. Customers were three-deep at the counter but I managed to buy steaks and German potato salad. Regis has turned into a master steak griller so it should be a great meal.

It was a nice drive across the prairie today. I love seeing the sky from horizon to horizon. If you haven't read Bill Holm's essay Horizontal Grandeur, you should. Here's an excerpt:

I have a prairie eye. Dense woods or mountain valleys make me nervous. After once visiting Burntside Lake north of Ely for a week, I felt a fierce longing to be out. Driving home in the middle of the night, I stopped the car south of Willmar, when woods finally fell away and plains opened up. It was a clear night, lit by a brilliant mood turning blowing grasses silver. I saw for miles – endless strings of yardlights, star fallen into the grovetops. Alone, I began singing at the top of my voice. I hope neither neighborhood cows, nor the Kandiyohi Country sheriff were disturbed by this unseemly behavior from a grown man. It was simply cataracts removed from the prairie eye with a joyful rush.

Time to go drink a Harvest Moon beer and eat a big steak. Happy Saturday.

Old dogs attend a rock concert

Regis and I went to the John Mellencamp concert last night in Mankato. What a hoot. We were getting a little cranky about 9:00 and were easily annoyed by the drunk people in our row going in and out for beer and bathroom breaks but when the music started, we were on our feet. We didn't dance on our chairs or do anything reckless like some of the younger concert-goers but we had a great time. It was an interesting mix of people...young and old...and a pretty much packed house. Rockin' in the USA.

People can't seem to sit still when they go to something like this. I went to a conference yesterday and I bet 35 people got up and left during the keynote speaker...then they came back. One at a time. Not too rude or distracting. Last night, there was not a moment when the aisles weren't full of people coming and going. These people pay 55 dollars to drink 5 dollar beers and travel back and forth to the bathroom?

Gluten-free and BS shields

I've decided that for some things, gluten-free is inedible. It's like fat-free butter or sugar-free cookies. Any kind of dough, bread, or pasta product without gluten is just not worth eating. Here are the main ingredients for gluten-free pizza crust: tapioca flour, brown rice flour, bean flour, gluten-free dry yeast, xanthan gum, vinegar, unflavored gelatin powder. Ish is all I have to say about that. I made some bread for Regis a few weeks ago. The dough had the consistency of watered-down school paste. Somehow it managed to rise and even turned a little brown in the oven but I don't think you could describe it as bread. If I were him, I'd rather do without.

I spent the day at an education conference. Man, sometimes a guy should have a BS shield for those things. The acronyms and platitudes are just flying. (the nice part of the day was that I spent part of with Jan, my old special ed friend from the days when I was a grad assistant...31 years ago.) If I had my life to live over, I'd find a different career. One less prone to the vagaries of public opinion drift and one that pays more money. We're negotiating a new contract, negotiating being the operative word. More like, "Here's squat...take it or leave it." Hahahahaa.

Peter's adventure continues. Last night he registered for his classes that start in January. MNWest has a small student body and many online classes. (And somehow the boy managed to test into college level math and English classes. He must have been listening somewhere along the line!) I told him he just navigated the first test of college life. He's packed and ready to go to Grandma's Saturday. His job at the hospital starts next week.

No more news. Our nocturnal habits continue which makes it hard to get through the day. Regis was awake last night from 1:00 on...I slept until 4:00.

Regis enters the cone of silence

Mission accomplished

I woke up at 4:30 this morning so I've been up for 12 hours. I don't know what this has to do with daylight's saving time or the lack of it, but I feel like I've been pulled through a knot-hole butt first. My mission to be lazy has been accomplished. You can't say I don't have ambition. I didn't intend to do anything today and I have been very successful in that regard. Regis did coerce me into a trip to Menard's for a turkey roaster that was on sale but I wouldn't comb my hair or change my clothes. I got up off the couch to go and returned directly to the couch when I walked in the door. I expect to be back to normal tomorrow.

If anyone has experience with a turkey roaster, I'd appreciate some feedback. My problem with big meals is that I run out of oven space and I thought this could be a solution. Apparently, because of the condensation dripping from the lid, the roaster does not brown the turkey. That's not very appealing. I think I can cook a couple side dishes in the roaster, though, and free up the oven space for the bird.

I've been reading recipes on the foodtv website. I like to experiment but my family likes the old standards like green bean casserole. One year I made roasted winter vegetables on Christmas Eve: turnips, parsnips, sweet potatoes, and russets. You should have seen the reaction. It would have made a good commercial. Would it kill anybody to eat a little arugula salad or spinach and feta cheese tartlets at a holiday meal? I have declared a cheesy potato moratorium for the coming year and plan to announce it before the holidays.

Our neighbor recently built himself a smoker. He fired it up today and smoked many racks of ribs and a variety of other items. He offered us three racks of ribs, a part of a beef brisket, some baked beans, and a bottle of homemade barbecue sauce for 30 bucks. It's a good thing...we would have been eating popcorn for dinner. I'm not sure if this is just a neighborhood venture of if people call in orders and drive up to the curb for their bags of BBQ.

Back to my horizontal position.

I'm on strike

I feel like it's been months since I've had a day of doing nothing. This one could be it. Regis must have sensed my lethargy because he got the papers and brought them to me in bed, then he made coffee and breakfast. I'm going to do my best to avoid any kind of productivity today. We have the first season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and I might just recline on the couch all afternoon and watch it.

Friday

Here's a picture I didn't post last night because it was unseemly (not in keeping with accepted standards of what is right or proper in polite society) but tonight, after a glass of wine, it's funny. Harvey at the end of the evening, sans wig and make-up, scratching at his panty hose. What the hell.

I went for a walk with Ella after work while her mom and dad cleaned up from a water heater spill. We went to the River Rock for apple juice, to the vet clinic to see Wally and Hocus Pocus, the shelter cats, and to Swedish Kontur for a molasses cookie where she delighted the ladies by signing thank you. Ah, it was a nice way to end the week.

Brother Pat and Helen are coming to town tonight on their way to a cross country meet. We're going to meet them for a beer if we can stay awake that long. Regis got the "agent at home" job so we have something to celebrate. Peter comes back tomorrow and we have his bon voyage party tomorrow night. He's off to wind college next week, already employed once he arrives.

On to the weekend, pilgrims.

Halloween Pictures

Ella was dressed like Minnie Mouse but thought the other costumes were scary.

Here's the whole gang in our finery.

Ella has taken a real shine to Peter lately.

Tom "Rasta Man" Hynes

Harvina Queen of the Desert

Regis getting a kick out of the old people.

Kathy made a great clown.

Don't read this if you have to eat a heart-healthy diet...

We have gorged on meat this weekend. We keep thinking that every day is the last day we'll be able to cook comfortably on the grill (without down coats and boots) so in the last three days, we've made chicken wings, babyback ribs, and tonight, big New York strip steaks with Jack Daniels sauce. Regis was in charge of the meal, being the grill guru, and he made those monster baked potatoes with crunchy skins and big hunks of salt. It was all too delicious but not too healthy.

It was a beautiful day...the birch tree dropped splotches of bright yellow on the ground, a few red maple leaves clung to the branches, birds eating like crazy, a tiny bit of warmth from the sun...all the things we love about fall.

Peter and I made a fast trip to Mankato late this afternoon to get him a computer. We've had lots of bad computer karma in our house lately. The one that Peter was going to use but which does not play music (an essential element for school, you know) will become Regis' computer. Peter got a new but fairly inexpensive Gateway. I told him to watch, the salespeople at Best Buy would be all over us like smarm and they were...wanting to shake hands and know our names...until we said no to the extended warranty and the $150 Geek Squad set-up. Then it was, "Don't let our sliding door hit you in the ass on your way out." Putzes. The Geek Squad would remove all the 30-day free trials that, let's see, they let Gateway put on in the first place so Best Buy can charge us to take them off.



On a sweeter note, this is a picture of Charles Schultz from the paper today. Does he look like Charlie Brown or what?

Back to the salt mines tomorrow.

Saturday

Made it through the week finally! I got a big project done yesterday about noon and it was like the clock stopped and the rest of the day dragged on forever. Went to Mankato after work and picked Peter up for the weekend. Regis and Amber stopped...cooked a bunch of chicken wings and twice baked potatoes from the deli. Drank a few Hamm's. Perfect Friday night. We bought two big racks of babyback ribs to cook on the grill today. That's our only mission. It's a gorgeous fall Saturday and we're going to enjoy it. We have tickets for The Little Ghost Theater later tonight. Check it out if you're from the area!

Don't say I didn't warn you...

We just got home from the second night of safe driving class. I'd say we enjoyed it, which we did, but here is a list of things that pissed me off on the way home:

1. The smell of chocolate
2. The sound of candy wrappers
   
3. The radio
4. The car moving
5. The dark
6. The lights

You can see how this goes. It took me thirty seconds flat to get into my nightgown. Kramer jumped on my lap, Regis poured me a glass of wine, and my nerve endings retreated back into my skin where they belong. Tomorrow is another day.

Driving

I've had two 7 o'clock meetings this week, two after school meetings, then we taught our first safe driving class (you know the one I mean) tonight. It was marginally fun but it's been a long week of earlies and lates that I don't cope so well with. By tomorrow, after the second night of safe driving for old people, I should be ragged cranky.

I'm doing my annual "let's see how long we can leave the house plants outside without really killing them" thing. I don't know why I do this. Maybe it's my other risky behavior, not flossing my teeth being the first one. I have an oxalis plant, an amaryllis bulb, and a Christmas cactus on the front step and tonight it's going to be 35 degrees. I think it's the same behavior as driving to Mankato with my gas tank on empty. Some people take hot air balloons across the Atlantic or climb mountains but this is my feeble ass adrenalin rush....almost freezing plants. Last year I froze a tree of some kind and the year before a tropical plant. Oh hell. It's not like their DNA disappears or anything.

I went to a three and a half hour meeting THAT HAD NO AGENDA today. Can you imagine how random that was? I was ready to scream by 10 o'clock but somehow made it to the end. Not sure how...or why. There should be a law against that.

Webcam Photo

I know you can't identify us in the photo...maybe can't even tell these are human beings...but it's Regis and Teresa, Dick and Jane, Betty and Tom. There we are, to the right of the light pole on the northeast corner of the intersection. We stood for five minutes, arm in arm, waiting for the webcam, which is up next to the spire on the Nicollet County Court House, to update itself. Bob called as soon as he had the picture of us. People passing by on the highway thought was were nuts, or drunk, judging by the funny looks they gave us. For some reason, this whole thing amused us. Bob called it "funny old people stuff".

We were on our way to Patrick's for pepperjack cheese omelets and Bloody Mary's with beer chasers. We'd had a wonderful weekend and were winding down and saying good-bye. Good friends and goofy stunts...nothing like 'em!

Holy crap the rain

It has rained hard all day. I heard on the radio that by tomorrow night we'll have 2-4 inches and possibility of flooding. What if it floods then freezes? We'll be traveling around all winter on skates like Hans Brinker. Now, that's funny.

I had a good day. Dug out some crap (favorite word lately) around the house then went to Mankato. Peter continues to amaze. He says he likes to watch CNN and wanted to talk about the super bacteria. He says he thinks he'll be a writer someday and plans to start a book soon but he wants to write longhand like William Kent Kruger. I just shake my head. We had lunch, he filled out some paperwork for school, then we moved the first of his stuff.

I started a new book last night called The Dead Beat: Lost Souls, Lucky Stiffs, and the Perverse Pleasures of Obituaries. It's fascinating. One 0f those books I think I'll talk about for a long time. I kept telling Regis things I was reading until he asked me to stop. Just read the reviews.

We have a movie to watch tonight called The Straight Story. I think I wrote about it before...if not, look it up. It's about an old guy who travels across Iowa on a riding lawnmower.

Regis is on a gluten-free diet which is a new experience for us, even with all the dietary changes he's been through. That crap is expensive and the bread tastes like shit. No accident that those two words are in that sentence. Bread without flour. Uff da.

Taking pictures with the cell phone

I have a cell phone that takes pictures. I never thought I had a need for that (it also has a tiny drive for a tiny disk for music) but tonight, as I sit in my messy house in the dark, I'd like to take a picture with the phone and send it to the computer because I'm too tired to get my lazy ass up to find a camera.

It's been a rough start to the school year as I figure out this new job, of sorts. More like a redesign of the old job...more to do for the same money. I seem to spend all day reading, staring at papers and the computer screen, and trying to make sense of things so I can explain them to someone else. We have the next two days off for the state teacher's convention, which I have never attended, and it couldn't have come at a better time. It's an institutionalized vacation in the fall...we aren't paid for it and there's no expectation that you do anything work related...but everyone gets two days off. Nice.

Tonight I went to a poetry reading at Gustavus with Jill. It was billed as running from 7-9:30 but only lasted until 8:15. We sat near the door so we could make a break for it if it went on too long but it didn't but you could tell we were ready to split when we didn't even slow down for a cookie at the end. The folks who organized it just published a book about Minnesota's women poets, a sort of historical look. One of the women who read was my student teaching supervisor from 1974. Another woman read poems by a woman from Houston County, Edith Thompson, who was apparently quite a character. It was a lovely way to end the week.

Kathy cleaned our house maybe three weeks ago. Since then we have managed to accumulate a pile of stuff for teaching the "safe driving for the elderly class" as Tiffany calls it, a pile of stuff for the thrift store, a pile of Cds to sort and put away, a pile of stuff from Target to put away, an empty tub that used to hold dog food when we had two dogs, a pile of stuff for Peter's transition, and a table full of assorted papers. I need two days to dig out from this. How does it happen when we're gone for 9 hours a day and sleep for 8. That hardly leaves enough time to trash the place but somehow we manage.

It's wet and warm here tonight. Regis says it's 57 degrees and not expected to drop much tonight, Annie. And the radar looks like rain, rain, and more rain so get out the water wings and caulk the basement windows. Everybody is talking about their piles of wet leaves and summer muck that needs to be cleaned up before winter but there's no way to do it when it rains all the time.

Tomorrow I'm going to Mankato to help Peter with some paperwork for school and a couple other jobs he needs to do in preparation for moving. Friday, I get the scoop shovel out and clean up from the first 8 weeks of the school year.

Monday

It was a slow day, but a busy one. It rained off and on all day, Annie. I heard a guy on MPR talking, I suppose about Minneapolis, but he said since August 1st, we've had 17 inches of rain which is 50 some % of our yearly average total. And in the first 15 days of October, we've had trace or measurable rain 13 days. How's them for some weather stats? If the weather models for tonight are accurate, we could get 1-2 more inches of rain.

We went up to let Gonzo and Fletcher out in Tom and Betty's absence so we watched Emerill. We miss the cooking channel, having no cable tv. Most things I don't miss. I get my kitchen fix by reading books like Heat and Kitchen Confidential.

We're watching the last part of Cinderella Man tonight. It's a good movie except for the fight scenes. (I liked Witness except for the murder.) Renee Zellwiger just said, "You're everybody's hope, Jimmy." and of course, I cried. Our next Netflix pick is The Straight Story:

When Iowa farmer Alvin Straight's brother, Lyle, falls ill, Alvin pledges to go to Lyle's side despite being unable to drive and unwilling to accept help. With a tent to sleep under, a riding lawnmower for transportation and unshakable determination, Alvin (Oscar-nominee Richard Farnsworth) sets out to cover the 300 miles to his brother's house in a weeks-long journey of healing and remembrance.

This is my kind of movie. Like my favorite, Tender Mercies.

We enrolled a new student today. He said, "You the principal?" What did he know, so I said, "Sure." Then he said, "Sleepy today," and mimed taking a nap. Yes. He knows me.

Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

Regis and I spent a few days at Cragun's in northern Minnesota. I tried to tell him what it was like...not exactly the lavish resort they try to make it look like in the pictures. More like the resort in Dirty Dancing, if you remember. A little long in the tooth, a little past its prime. And that's exactly how we found it. We got there Wednesday night about 10:00, expecting to have a frozen pizza in the bar for dinner. No such luck. A cranky bar tender who must have thought the season was over, was not helpful. We discovered, on our own, the deli in the lobby with gas station food, so we had a beer and a bag of popcorn for dinner.

The next night, tired of resort buffets, we went down the road to Madden's, a much more lavish and friendly atmosphere. We had dinner in the Classic Grill, right on the edge of their golf course where they have a bag piper to start and end the golf season. They must vacuum the leaves because there wasn't a leaf on the ground anywhere, even back in the woods. The building was a beautiful log cabin, there was a fire pit on the patio, and the delicious food was served by a fellow named Chris in a long black apron who doted on us. It was lovely.

We limped home last night, leaving suitcases and bags strewn all over the house. This is a short week for me so it will get picked up eventually.

Today we went up and spent the afternoon with Betty and Tom, enjoying one of the last days of autumn. Betty is getting all geared up for Halloween...she had a witches crystal for me, a black velvet mourning robe, and a great wig. I'm sure there will be pictures.

I went to a very sweet baby shower for Annie Grimmius today. Their baby is due the end of November. I had to bring cards with messages for the new baby and for Annie. Here's a pome I chose for one of my cards. It made me cry the first time I read it and it still makes me cry:

Her Door

Mary Leader

There was a time her door was never closed.
Her music box played "Fur Elise" in plinks.
Her crib new-bought--I drew her sleeping there.

The little drawing sits beside my chair.
These days, she ornaments her hands with rings.
She's seventeen. Her door is one I knock.

There was a time I daily brushed her hair
By window light--I bathed her, in the sink
In sunny water, in the kitchen, there.

I've bought her several thousand things to wear,
And now this boy buys her silver rings.
He goes inside her room and shuts the door.

Those days, to rock her was a form of prayer.
She'd gaze at me, and blink, and I would sing
Of bees and horses, in the pasture, there.

The drawing sits as still as nap-time air-
Her curled up hand--the precious line, her cheek...
Next year her door will stand, again, ajar
But she herself will not be living there.

End of weekend

I'm not going to mention amoebas again since I read there is a variety that goes up your nose and eats your brain. That's not funny even on Sunday night.

We've had a nice weekend. A great combination of being lazy and getting things done. Besides which we slept until 8:30 yesterday which must have helped us catch up on some sleep deprivation due to the 3 a.m. awakenings of the last month.

Today we're cooking a prime rib roast on the grill. Regis loves that charcoal grill and likes to read Grilling for Dummies and Weber's Real Grilling. I have French bread rolls rising and we might have some garlic mashed potatoes.

I'm reading Heat by Bill Buford. What a damn hoot. It's about a year he spent cooking in Mario Batali's kitchen. I don't know who's funnier... Bill or Mario. I can't help myself...I read things aloud to Regis then laugh and laugh. Makes me wish I had television again so I could watch Molto Mario.

I'm going to sit in the shade this afternoon, or maybe in the garage doorway if it rains, like a small-town midwestern doofus.

Friday night

It must have been a bad week in education judging by the crowd in the parking lot of MGM. I saw two teachers I know there and another one later who was on her way to the liquor store OUT OF TOWN. That's a teacher with some discretion right there. I sent her on her way and said to get home as soon as possible and try beer therapy for that foul mood.

I meant to clean the house tonight but there was little gumption for that. I managed to get to the store to buy a broasted chicken and some cole slaw, and to the liquor store for some Night Harvest cabernet. That was the extent of my ambition. And I'm pretty sure that was a balanced meal with the Reese's granola bars we had for dessert.

P.S. I just read this again (which I like to do...sometimes the next day to see if what I wrote was interesting which it mostly isn't but sometimes is) and remembered that Dad used to talk about when he first started teaching and it was verboten for teachers from the local district to drink or even to buy liquor in that town. So on Friday nights, the teachers would car pool to the next town, passing on the highway the teachers from the next town coming to their town to drink and buy liquor. Thank God we don't have to do that anymore. We can pull right into the MGM on the corner of Broadway and Minnesota Avenue in broad daylight and walk into the liquor store with the business manager of the district and the athletic director's secretary while the school bus trundles past and kids yell out the window and nobody cares.

Waking and sleeping

I wonder if I went to bed when I was tired and got up when I was done sleeping, if eventually I would be going to bed at 4 o'clock in the afternoon and getting up at midnight. I get so drowsy in the evening I can hardly keep my eyes open. It's really a waste of my time.

I read this on a blog: If you want me to stop feeling superior, stop acting like such a dumb ass. That crossed my mind more than once today. It was one of those days.

I see there is a book on Amazon called No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog. Nobody better give me that for my birthday. I like people to pretend they care about the boring details of my life. Those are probably stupid things anyway. Like the prompts they give you to write about when you're 8 years old. Pretend you're a marshmallow. Crap like that.

I think I'm cranky and should go to bed and read.

Regis as Hippie

As a morale booster at work, they had costume days and yesterday was Hippie Day. Hey, that's our decade. Betty helped with the costume and this was the result: Regis was the monster hit of the day and people from other departments were coming to look at him. His manager came and thanked him for helping with morale so Regis pulled the fake joint out of his headband. They all admired his ability to learn the rolling technique is such a short time.

Sunday

Ella spent the morning here. Emily said when she stopped in front of our house, Ella said, "Nana, blankie, hold." So you can see what my role is in her life! We went to Target and looked at Halloween stuff. I wanted to buy her a pumpkin candy bag...it was soft and happy looking but she didn't like it and said it was scary. We read a lot of books, went out for breakfast, and I took her home at noon for a nap.

I forgot this part. At some point in the morning, I said, "Oh, I see." Ella thought that was hilarious and she laughed and laughed. Threw her head back and belly-laughed. I would say it again, then she would repeat it...eyes wide open and very animated...sometimes with the emphasis on different words....Oh, I see. Ooooooh, I see. Such a hoot.

Regis and Reggie hung my pot rack today. It was a little frightening, I must say. There were already two extraneous holes in the ceiling in the general vicinity of where the stud should have been, when they headed up to the attic. All of a sudden there is a hole in the ceiling NOT EVEN CLOSE to where the kitchen is. What the hell???? This was making me very nervous, but I just went to bed and told Tiffany to call 911 if the ceiling fell. When I got up from my nap, it was all done and there were only the three extra holes. As you can see, now my pans look like shit and I think I need new pans. I guess that was easy to predict.

We had thunderstorms last night and I thought Bert had been reincarnated. Kramer was up on my pillow panting his hot doggy breath in my ear. There were a couple claps of thunder that almost threw us off the bed. More rain coming tonight so I think I'll close the window.

October 1st already tomorrow. How did that happen?

Regis & Teresa Celebrity Look Alikes

I found this cool website that does face recognition then makes a collage of your celebrity look alikes. What a hoot. Look at mine below...all the hot women then William Powell. William Powell?

Wild Turkey

Years ago I was attacked by a wild turkey and not of the alcohol variety either as some of you surmised. It was an actual attack by a wild turkey such as the one in the picture and I had actual turkey footprint-shaped bruises on the backs of my legs to prove it. I have endured ridicule for the story but here is another aggressive wild turkey tale in the Tribune today. Finally, vindication. Check it out here.

Regis and I went to Whiskey River for dinner. We were just whupped from the week and decided to splurge so we had prime rib, walleye, a bottle of wine, and cheesecake for dessert. We spent a leisurely two hours watching the woodchuck at the bird feeder and the variety of folks who hang out there. I told Regis if he ever starts riding a motorcycle (unlikely) he shouldn't let me wear those leather chaps because they make your ass look huge.

The phone guy came to fix out school phone today and he didn't buy the lightning story. He said if we had a bolt strong enough to knock the phone off the wall, it would have done more damage like left burn marks. Ah well, he thinks he knows a lot about phones I guess. He said it was coincidence that the phone was on the floor after the storm. I said my version makes a better story.


I don't know what the reason is but there has been a dearth of blog postings lately. Even the goat blog entries have been sparse although I do know that Betsy has been on the front page of the Tacoma News Tribune. Is the harvest moon causing paralysis of the fingers? C'mon. Get spellbound by your imperfect life and share the details. I'm addicted. I need to know.

Lightning blew the phone right off the wall

We had that wicked bad storm Monday night remember. See Tuesday's post if you don't...then call your doctor about your memory deficit. Tuesday morning when Joanne went to school, the phone receiver in the work room was on the floor and the little piece that holds it in place was broken off. We didn't think much of it until today when all kinds of other weird things started happening with the phone: constant ringing with nobody there, hearing conversations through the phone that weren't being held on a phone, people who said they couldn't get through, flashing lights. As I was describing these things to Tom, the building and grounds guy, all of a sudden it dawned on me, "Hey! This is more than a broken piece of phone!" I think the lightning blew that phone right off the holder. It all makes sense. When the phone repair guy called to hear details of the problems we're having he said, "Man, that's serious."

We tried to watch Oliver Stone's Nixon last night. God, I can't imagine anybody watched that movie in a theater because for one thing it's 3 and 1/2 hours long. Regis and I both wandered away after about two hours which is an indication of something. Roger Ebert gave it a good review and there were some entertaining parts. Anthony Hopkins is compelling to watch and some of the other characters, too, but there is way too much historic film footage and way too many flashbacks. (It was a memory test, let me tell you...trying to remember all those screwy characters from the Nixon White House.) We might finish it tonight but we're going to skip to about 1973. Stone makes Nixon seem like one crazy ass dude. No wonder he had to resign.

Our hobby is Kaiser rolls

Regis decided last night that he missed the good rolls from Philadelphia. Actually he decided that Saturday when we were at HyVee looking for a nice hard roll. Everything you buy in the grocery store is made from the same dough...kaiser rolls, bagels, buns, bread. I'm sure they order the dough in from China, too. He found a recipe for Kaiser rolls and we made them tonight. They have seven minutes to go and they smell and look wonderful.

The top picture is the buns before they went in the oven. The next
one...ta da...is the buns when they came out of the oven.

We had a storm last night about 5 that was so bad, honest to God, we couldn't see the house across the street. It was a white-out from rain. Regis opened the door to take a photo and the deluge knocked him back. There must have been some straight line winds because there were trees down in the Minnesota Square neighborhood this morning. The robotic voice on the weather radio said that the wind speed was 67 mph in Ka-so-ta. Holy shit.
This is what the storm looked like and not at it's peak either. Like a blurry Monet painting.

The daily cute

Ella was here all day today. She was mostly happy with the plan but didn't want me out of her sight for a minute and consequently hung on my leg as I tried to move around the house. I know somehow I managed when my kids were small but it must have been tricky.

We took a nap in the big bed and before she fell asleep, she rattled off a long story that included the names of everyone she knows. I wish I could have understood the rest of it because she waved her
arms and legs as she told it...it must have been exciting.

She is awfully busy exploring everything. She discovered the door bell and must have climbed the steps to ring it a hundred times. I try to be behind her every second but she still manages to pick up things a baby shouldn't have...a cheese grater, a bottle of pills, a screw driver. Holy shit. There's a reason why young people have babies.

We made chicken wings on the grill (after Ella went home) using a mojo marinade and apple wood chips. Mojo marinade is roughly: 1/2 cup orange juice. 2 T lime juice, 2 T olive oil, minced garlic, cumin, Tabasco, salt and pepper. Most directions we've read say to cook them for 15 minutes but we like them better cooked for 30 over indirect heat. I cut up a big apple from the coop and we wrapped it in foil with some cinnamon and sugar and cooked it for 6 minutes. I had some caramel sauce in the refrigerator and we drizzled that over the apples. It was delicious.

Jill commented on my last post that she enlarged the picture and could see the beer. I just want to say, in my own defense, that the yogurt was also quite visible. And it was pumpkin beer which has some nutritional value as she pointed out.

In this last picture, Ella is looking at the moss roses. Regis wanted her to sniff them so instead of leaning over to smell them, she grabbed them by their little necks and jerked them out of the soil. You never know what a baby will think when you give a direction.

New refrigerator, ribs on the grill

This is my new refrigerator. Last night, I got all the food out of the coolers where it had been languishing for a day and got it into the new Amana refrigerator. Yahoo. It's nice to have the kitchen back to it's semi-organized state. Tiffany commented snidely that it's more room to keep expired food. Harrumph.

Regis and I got up early this morning and went to Menards on a mission for two things: a utensil to clean leaves out of gutters and a rack to hang from the ceiling for pots and pans. Success on both counts. Then we went to Perkins for breakfast and to HyVee to restock the larder. We both noticed that the help in both places is a lot friendlier and helpful early in the morning.

We bought a big rack of ribs because we've been wanting to try making them on the grill. We read up a little this afternoon (Grilling for Dumbies) and think we found the right process: a nice dry rub, basting with Jim Beam bourbon and water, and barbecue sauce for the last twenty minutes. The charcoal was complicated because it had to be replenished over the two hours of cooking time and we used mesquite wood chips that had to be soaked and added from time to time, too. The ribs were tender and delicious and I think we're spoiled. I wanted Regis to take a picture of them but we got distracted and ate them before we thought of it again.

I worked in the garden for a while today, too. We're getting rid of all those sunflowers (oh sure. they come up everywhere and forever. like white daisies there is no getting rid of them.) that take over and end up looking like hell by the end of July. One thing I like about them is when the goldfinches sit on them and ride the flower to the ground as the stem bends. It's like a carnival ride for birds. I saw a hummingbird today. He better get on his way wherever they go. Also saw a tiger swallowtail butterfly whose back end was pretty chewed up. He must have narrowly escaped being eaten by a bird.

Ella is coming over tomorrow while her daddy finishes painting the garage. She's always entertaining. Regis asked her today if she wanted to come to Nana's house tomorrow and she said, "Yeaaaaahhhh..." What a girl.

Talk Like a Pirate

Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day. Sorry it's so late and you don't get much of a chance to say arrrrghghgh or shiver me timbers or ahoy matey. I was going to copy the top ten TLAPD pick-up lines, but they're a little bawdy so you better just hit the link yourself, matey.








Last spring I must have been annoyed by all my ratty winter clothes because when the epileptics came around, I think they went out the door...my clothes not the epileptics...in a big black garbage bag. Which leaves me pretty much bereft this fall. I was tired of trying to make choices so I thought I would just go to Sears and buy five pair of black pants and be done with it. Sometimes I envy men...pants, shirt, shoes...interchangeable. Everyone I told this to laughed at me. So tonight I came home, had a glass of pinot noir and ordered a bunch of stuff from Lotus in the Moonlight...flowy weird batik things in wild colors. Yeah, that's more my style.

I think we're ready for the new refrigerator. Anybody who thinks this is a simple matter of one going out the front door and the other coming in the back door should think again. It's been a major disruption. I haven't bought groceries for two weeks because I didn't want to deal with the transfer. We've been eating difficult-to-identify stuff out of the freezer...tonight we got lucky and had pizza that we cooked on the grill a few weeks ago.

We have fruit flies in our house...but no fruit which makes me nervous. What the hell is decaying in here that would bring fruit flies? They love my wine and I have to keep a paper towel over the top of the glass so they don't drown in it. Not like I waste the wine...I just fish the fly out with my finger and go on with my business. Now there's some high class stuff.

I talked about my sleeping problems today at a meeting and half the women there said, "Call me when you're up at 2 a.m. I'm up watching HGTV or Oprah." Ha. They also said not to panic...it will pass.

Tomorrow is Thursday. The next best day to Friday.

Halfway to St. Patrick's Day

Regis and I are the world's worst painters. We're too random for a job that requires some level of meticulousness. Last night, in preparation for the new refrigerator, we decided to paint the wall behind the appliances. I had yellow paint and I'm ashamed to say that is the main reason we chose yellow. It's a little garish but what the hell. Halfway through we had to go to Patrick's for a half-price patty melt, half-price draft beer, and a bowl of free Ruben soup in honor of...Halfway to St. Patrick's Day!

Today I went to the loveliest funeral service I have ever attended for the 93-year old mother of my friend Ann. Nola Fern Kelley. It was like a 40 minute poem...beautiful old hymns, Bible passages that sounded like they were written for Nola, and a eulogy that made you weep. It was a proper send-off for a lady who lived in Garden City for 90 years.

I'm trying to put the house back together after a month of busy weekends. It's like an archaeological dig. The bottom layer is wedding supplies...packages of paper plates, thank you notes, and a bag containing bug spray. Then there's a layer from Labor Day weekend and the big cook-out. Then a layer from Rock Bend. I would really like to know how tidy people do it.

Speaking of that. I'm taking a survey. How many people pull their refrigerator out and clean under there on a regular basis? Is that something most people know to do? Or is that something anal retentives know about and the rest of us somehow survive without doing...for ten years or so? Let me know...