a tribute to my mom

Being a mother is hard work for a lifetime. I didn't know that when I was growing up and my mom was always there to take care of me and worry about me. I know it now that I have children and grand children. I read once that having a child is like making the decision to let your heart walk around outside of your body. It's true.

I bet we drove her nuts when we were all little and running around the house and yard like ants. I remember my brothers shooting BB guns into the box of laundry soap in the basement. I remember folding cloth diapers with Mom...mountains of them when my two youngest brothers were babies. I remember sitting in the kitchen when the neighbor ladies came for coffee. 

Mostly, I remember that she was always there. But when you're a kid you take that for granted. You don't realize all the work and worry that comes with being a mother. 

My mom is a hoot. Once, she wore a gorilla mask to bed and when my dad crawled in and got settled, she uncovered her head and looked over at him. All he said was, "Good night, Shirley." I think he expected that kind of thing from her.

She knows how to have fun and she enjoys life. When we visit, we always go out for dinner, have a glass of wine, laugh a lot. There is no talking about your colon health with my mom. We talk about books and movies and flowers and her computer.

My mom is a brave woman. When we were all finally in school, she got a job as an aide at the elementary school. She liked the job but the little kids would get her to stand on her head during recess. She tells me about things she wants done and always ends with, "I think I could do that."

My mom is a wise woman. She knows that even with all the sorrow and trouble and worry in the world, tomorrow is a new day and there is probably a thrift store we haven't been to yet or a nice restaurant we want to try. Life is short and you want to enjoy it.

I wrote this poem about all the things I've learned from her a couple years ago. I think I published it here before but in honor of my mom on Mother's Day, here it is again.

What She Taught Me

For Mom

She taught me knitting, sewing, Teeny Tiny,

and reading every night before you go

to bed. She taught me how to make things for

people you love. She taught me how to make

stuffing by letting the butter and chopped onions sit

on the stovetop overnight. She taught me how to

make spaghetti from scratch

and that leftovers make a good meal and that pets,

even messy ones who come through the screen door

during thunderstorms, are part of the family.

She taught me that it’s more important to bake

fresh cookies or to read a book than

have a clean house. She taught me that having piles

of books around your house is decorating and that wearing

a flannel nightgown until noon doesn’t mean you’re

lazy. She taught me that you invite people over

if you’re lonely. She taught me how to always

believe you can fix it yourself and to keep on learning

and that when you go on vacation you should

stay with relatives. She taught me that cookbooks make good

reading and if you don’t have what it calls

for, you use something else. She taught me that hunting

down a good deal and taking a long nap in the afternoon is

the only exercise you ever really need in life.

When my dad died, her husband of more than fifty years, she

taught me that you cry but you go on. You go on living. You keep

the ashes in the window sill, you tell stories about the memories

and you laugh and you cry. But you keep on living.

Happy Mother's Day to my mom. She's the best and I love her.

Friday in pictures

Regis came home a week or so ago and said his company was having a Cinco de Mayo party. I start thinking of costumes but not wanting to go overboard, I decide on this pretty flower wreath with streamers for my hair. Deb at Mary's Flowers made it for me.

I wore it in the afternoon and my friends clucked over it, thinking it was interesting and fun. At the party, not one person mentioned it leading me to believe that they think I just go around with flowers in my hair. Ah, well. There are worse things.

I was the only one in any kind of clothing indicative of a holiday. I should have known.

We met the party folks at a restaurant in Lower North Mankato. (Not our favorite Mazatlan and thanks to the commenter for the suggestion to make this distinction.) I'm not going to go on and on about the bad dining experience, but I could, believe me, and if you see me live in the next week I probably will. You would think this place opened at noon yesterday...for the first time. And that none of the help had ever worked in a restaurant before...and wouldn't a Mexican restaurant expect a crowd on Cinco de Mayo? Two cardinal sins of restaurant service for me...dirty glasses everywhere and the wrong size napkins at the bar.

It was a strange evening on many levels.

It's the first morning all winter I haven't turned on the little fireplace. I wonder if cold weather could be past us for good. The forecast for today looks lovely with mostly sun and almost 70 degrees. I think I'll take my bike for a ride tomorrow.

We order spices from Penzey's. This is our summer order: paprika and chilis and peppers.

The book collecting for my new job begins.

I love this bumper sticker!

The daffodils have been blooming for three weeks and they still look great!

More daffodils.

The bunny is now surrounded by chives instead of being covered with snow. He's happier. And his little friend with the umbrella is keeping him company.

Wine is not a beverage, it's a way of life. Ha!

Happy weekend!

grilled flank steak with peppers and onions

We made grilled flank steak with peppers and onions last night for dinner. It was cool and breezy on the patio but still nice. Lots of neighbors out and about, too. We miss our sidewalk friends during the winter months when we only see them through the window!

Our next door neighbor has removed the base of his wrap-around front porch. The roof of the porch is being held up by big pieces of wood. Frankly, I wouldn't walk under there if it were me.

He tells us that his house has sunk one inch on the southwest corner so he's going to jack it up and repair it. I cannot even get my head around this kind of project. (I can't get around to painting my tiny bathroom.) I ask if he read about this on the internet or if he just knows. He just knows, he says.

This is the difference between ants and grasshoppers. He is busy jacking up the corner of his house and we're having a glass of wine on the patio. We laugh because if our house were uneven, we would shrug and say hmmmmm and go right back to sitting. We might look it up on the internet, but we would not be motivated to do a project of this magnitude.

It's Cinco de Mayo and we're going to a party for the costume company in Mankato tonight. I asked my cousin who has traveled a lot, about the Mexican blouse I am trying to find. She said they don't wear those in Mexico and it would be like wearing a pilgrim costume to Thanksgiving. Well, not really, I think. Everybody here thinks that's what they wear in Mexico and that's the point. She says I should travel more. Sigh. Maybe I should just spend more time on the internets. www.mexico.com

If I didn't already have a powerful aversion to the news, this latest nasty business would do it. Pictures? Video? Seriously? People would look at that? We are uncivilized.

I better get going to the Pulse.

sweet weekends

We have such sweet weekends and this one was sweeter than most.

I don't even know what it is, really. It's not like we are completely hedonistic or that we jump out of bed on Saturday morning and go through a list of things to do. We kind of go minute by minute with loose plans and lots of options.

I got a few things done. I put away the Easter stuff, organized the spices, put an order in to Penzey's, paid bills, and picked up the sticks in the yard. I tidied up the house. I ran in the 5K Saturday. Regis did the laundry. That's enough.

We also had some good times. Dinner at Olives and a drink at the Cedar's Grille on our way home. A beautiful Mexican omelet for breakfast yesterday. Lots of sitting and reading and listening to music. That's the way to have a weekend.

I'm ready for the week to start. I am going to the Pulse this morning to work out with Rachel. I have two meetings today which isn't so bad. After school, I'm going to River Rock to meet the staff and I'm excited about that. I'm anxious to start learning about this new direction in my life.

The rest of the week looks very quiet...no running from place to place. A couple weeks ago, I went three places a day for a week. By Friday, I didn't know whether I was coming or going.

Starting to think about the events of the next few months:

• Dean McGraw at the Bothy next weekend.
• Regis graduates May 13th from SCC.
• Bluesfest June 10 and 11
• My retirement 
• Regis' birthday
• 4th of July

That's enough for now.

Happy Monday!

time

My time in that race this morning sucked which I knew it would but I guess I report it when it's good so I better report when it's bad: 0:42:46. I can usually do a 5K in about 35 minutes. There was a big bottle-neck right after I crossed the starting line and several further on in the course. I am not competitive. Really, I am not. But if they bother to give you a chip timer, it should go better than this. (Who is this talking?) The course was way too narrow for that many people and it got jammed up a lot. There wasn't a consistent plan for dealing with traffic. Some volunteers made the runners stop and some made the cars stop so you never knew. It was fun to see all the young girls running, though. Girls on the Run, you know.

Regis and I were planning to go to Olives for dinner. About 20 minutes ago, I had the unhappy thought that it is prom night in SP and might be prom night in Mankato. I called Olives and they are booked solid until 7:30 which I don't care about since our plan was to eat at the bar but now it makes even that proposition iffy although kids don't sit at the bar. I went on a mini-rant and told Regis that kids ought to eat in their own restaurants or high school cafeterias (as I did...) and leave the high-end restaurants to adults. He told me his prom was at the Latin Casino and they heard the Four Tops. Seriously. A rant wasted. We're going to go and give it a try. Olives, not the Latin Casino which was not Latin and not a casino.

Regis is finding music for us. We have really enjoyed the old Willie Dixon tunes and last night discovered Howlin' Wolf. We're looking forward to the Ambassador's Bluesfest this summer.

Lovely Saturday.

saturday in pictures

A picture of Regis I forgot on my camera...making ribs for Easter dinner.

We made a trip to Friendly Confines this afternoon and this is the resulting lunch. Delicious. The cheese in the front on the orange plate with the crackers is called Brun-Uusto (Brunkow's Baked Cheese with Jalapenos) and I loved loved loved it. You heat it up a little and it has a bit of carmelizing on the crust.

A picture left on my camera of Elliot's last visit.

Me on the cow at Friendly Confines.

Regis and the Kirby Puckett cow at Friendly Confnes.

saturday on the run

I've been awake since 6, shopping my favorite world-wide marketplace, Etsy. I have been, of course, on a mission for coffee-related things for my new career. This is my latest purchase.

I wonder how this will look with the Spellbound heels.

I registered for a race today but it looks like the weather is a little risky. The forecast is for 80% chance of thunderstorms. I'm not running in Sibley Park under those big trees in pouring rain and lightening.

Regis and I are planning a trip to LeSueur today for a stop at the Cheese Shop (I can never remember its real name.) and the coffee shop over there. Just checkin' it out.

I am resisting the urge to start buying coffee books until after Monday. I'm going down to River Rock at 4 o'clock to meet the staff and so Tamika can give some direction on resources. I have a lot to learn but instead of just going blindly into the vast morass, I'll wait for guidance.

This morning, we're engaging in the devilish game of making fun of the royal wedding hats. The Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie should find the person who made their hats and make him suffer. They look like they walked off the set of a Tim Burton movie.

Last post of April. Tomorrow is May Day and therefore, May Basket Day. I have some candy for May baskets ... jelly mint leaves, gum drops, and circus peanuts. Nothing else will do.

Off to run.

quickly

I have about ten minutes before I go to the Pulse to work out. I have been neglectful of that the last few days. Back to work...

I'm missing the Royal Wedding. I have to admit some interest even though it might be silly. I watched Charles and Diana marry years ago and loved it. It's a fairy tale...or at least they paint it like one. We watched The King's Speech last night. Good movie and a different picture of the royal life. And I've read books, believe me, and I know they do not live perfect lives.

Planning the weekend. There are always so many choices of things to do but our favorite seems to be not much of anything. There is a race I'm registered for tomorrow morning in Mankato and that might be just enough structure to the weekend.

I still have all the crap around from last weekend...Easter basket stuff, fancy dishes, table cloth, big table in the kitchen. I'd like to get that stuff stowed tomorrow. Moving on to the next season...summer!

iGoogle says it's going to be 66 and sunny today. Is that sandal weather? I had lunch with Jill yesterday and she was sockless. She said her feet were cold but she flat-out refuses to go back to socks. I get that, believe me. It's so disheartening to go back to socks and boots after a taste of spring.

An upside to the chilly weather is that the daffodils are still beautiful!

On to Friday, friends! Make it a wonderful weekend!

bad guys and coffee shops

When I leave the house in the morning to exercise, I always tell Regis I will lock the door. He has always said it isn’t necessary, but here is proof that there are bad guys out there and they will come into your house if you don’t guard against them.

SPPD is investigating recent residential burglaries that have occurred in the following areas: the Summit Community, the 400 block of Mulberry, the 700 block of Washington Avenue, and the 600 block of N. Minnesota Ave. The suspects primarily target cash, jewelry and electronics.

The burglaries have occurred during the early morning hours, between approximately 4:30 am and 6:30 am. Suspect(s) have gained entry through unlocked doors.

I am vindicated. My concern about bad guys is not unfounded.

I don’t like to travel and get regular grief about it from my loved ones who do. Here is a poem by Billy Collins. He talks about commanding the simple precinct of home.

Consolation
by Billy Collins

How agreeable it is not to be touring Italy this summer,
wandering her cities and ascending her torrid hilltowns.
How much better to cruise these local, familiar streets,
fully grasping the meaning of every roadsign and billboard
and all the sudden hand gestures of my compatriots.

There are no abbeys here, no crumbling frescoes or famous
domes and there is no need to memorize a succession
of kings or tour the dripping corners of a dungeon.
No need to stand around a sarcophagus, see Napoleon’s
little bed on Elba, or view the bones of a saint under glass.

How much better to command the simple precinct of home
than be dwarfed by pillar, arch, and basilica.
Why hide my head in phrase books and wrinkled maps?
Why feed scenery into a hungry, one-eyed camera
eager to eat the world one monument at a time?

Instead of slouching in a café ignorant of the word for ice,
I will head down to the coffee shop and the waitress
known as Dot. I will slide into the flow of the morning
paper, all language barriers down,
rivers of idiom running freely, eggs over easy on the way.

And after breakfast, I will not have to find someone
willing to photograph me with my arm around the owner.
I will not puzzle over the bill or record in a journal

what I had to eat and how the sun came in the window.
It is enough to climb back into the car

as if it were the great car of English itself
and sounding my loud vernacular horn, speed off
down a road that will never lead to Rome, not even Bologna.

How much better to command the simple precinct of home. I love that line.

When Tamika called me last night to offer me the job, she wondered how I felt about working a shift at each station. I could work with the baker for a shift to learn what that work is like. I could? Imagine. I can’t believe they will pay me to do this.

I am busy making a binder called: Teresa Learns about River Rock Coffee. Those of you who know me will not be surprised by this. 

a job and a medal all in one day

A week ago today, I had a meeting in a local coffee shop/café. A friend of mine was in a meeting in another room with the owner of the shop. They talked about a position she was trying to fill and my friend told her about me and my search for an interesting and challenging post-retirement job. This led to a long phone conversation on Saturday and an interview yesterday.

I had an amazing two hour conversation with the owner of the coffee shop/cafe. She wants me to meet the staff before it becomes official but I am sure this job is mine. It is really too good to be true.

First of all, I like her very much on a personal level. She asked what I like to read and we were off on a twenty minute conversation about books. (We both fill our books with post-it flags and underlining.) She asked about cooking and preserving and we talked about that for twenty minutes. We talked about the power of food for people and how important the dining experience is for good food to be enjoyed.

She says she wants a collaborative relationship with me and says no idea is too crazy to be heard and considered. She wants me to be involved in many levels of the operation: marketing, foraging (finding new sources of locally grown food, cheese, art…), and event planning. During busy times over the noon hour, I may be asked to help with delivering food to customers. She asked what I thought about working with young people...I said, after stodgy old school teachers??? Hahahaa! I know they all aren’t that way…but a lot of them have crossed my path in the last few years.

I used to teach a class called Kitchen Writing, linking books about food and cooking with writing stories about our past kitchens. I brought the binder full of materials and writing. The cover of it, ironically, has a quote about the evocative power of food. It fits perfectly with her philosophy.

I have a binder for each holiday or special event that we celebrate. I brought the binder for the vernal equinox and St. Patrick’s Day. It’s full of recipes and lists and invitations and pictures of costumes and table settings.

It was so much fun to prepare for this interview. Gathering these things helped me think about my knowledge, my experience, and my skills. There were several times as she talked about the business of training staff and teaching hospitality that I was able to make connections to teaching writing.

I told her in the end, I can hardly get my head around how different this experience has been. I felt appreciated, valued for what I know and can do, and as if I might have something to contribute to an organization. I felt like I was being welcomed into a family.

I told her about my surgery because I think it’s an important part of my transformation and therefore an important part of who I am today. It’s an important part of how I feel about food and nutrition...and many things.

It feels like so many things I love and know are coming together in this job: nutrition, locally grown food, entertainment, costumes, event planning, writing, and coffee. It feels like a dream.

 Update: I wrote the previous late yesterday afternoon. As I finished, Tamika called to officially offer me the job. I, of course, officially accepted. She said she spent the evening after our interview and yesterday morning reading through my binders and through my blog to get a sense of who I am. She ran into things frequently that convinced her I would be perfect for the job. I am so excited to be welcomed like this into such a thriving and interesting operation.

Regis picked up my medal for being first in my age group in the Special Olympics Run for Acceptance. It is an impressive medal and I wore it when we went out for dinner to celebrate my new job. It looks a little bit like it was a Special Olympics event, and I usually tell people I was the only woman in my age group so I was first AND last, but that is not necessary information.

It was a grand day!

early tuesday

So, yesterday, my mom sends me an email containing photos of Queen Elizabeth with every American president going back to Harry Truman. The commentary said something about not believing how old she was. I laughed, too, but then thought hey wait a dang minute. I remember every one of those presidents except for the very last one. Ha! There's some irony for you.

I have an interview this afternoon for what seems like it could be my dream job post-retirement. It's been so much fun gathering letters of recommendation and artifacts to demonstrate my skills for THIS job as compared to the process of trying to get a job in a school which was bloody awful stuffed-shirt torture. Every time, it was. I have some wonderful and creative letters from friends, pictures of our theme parties, pictures of costumes, pictures of holiday table settings, and a recipe binder for St. Patrick's Day and the Vernal Equinox party. What could be more fun than that?

I got a haircut last night and as always, I didn't tell Patrick what to do. A true hair artist, he just starts snipping and I end up with shorter locks. The few times I have gone in with an idea, it has not gone so well; I'm better off just turning him loose. I also bought some mulberry (or malbec?) colored nail polish that I love. I'm thinking about wearing the animal print skirt and boots for the interview.

I'm not going to crab about the weather anymore.

I talked to my mom last night on the phone. She is 81 and had gone to play cards with her 91-year old friend. they each won a couple games and thought that was fine. It's interesting to think that we all have friends, older and younger, and we don't think about it much. I have friends now who were born after I went to college. They don't know that Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings.

I'm registered for another run this weekend but it...whoops...this would be a weather-related comment. Delete. Let's just say this: There is a chance I will decline to participate.

Yesterday I only had to go to one other school and that was right at the end of the day. That's tolerable. I hate the days when I drive up and down Washington Avenue four times in one day like I did last week. By the end of the week, I hardly know where I am. I have found myself at stop signs a little puzzled; am I coming or going? I have a pile of folders on my desk to go through from last week...meeting after meeting after meeting.

These are things I would rather do today:

1. Go out for breakfast with Regis
2. Go shopping for bright, spring jewelry...maybe some orange and hot pink
3. Stay in bed and read a book
4. Write a letter to someone
5. Plant pansies in the pots on the patio
6. Uncover some of the perennials in the garden
7. Sit in front of the fireplace and drink coffee
8. Put my Easter stuff away
9. Plan a tapas party
10. Listen to Willie Dixon

That's a good list. None of that sounds like work now, does it?

three days blasted past us

Ella and I colored Easter eggs in the sink yesterday. The results were disappointing. Not the intense colors I've gotten in the past with the cheap Paas kit, but washed out pastels that seemed to run off the egg onto the paper towel the minute we set them down to dry.


We had a good time anyway. The weather was beautiful and we got to sit outside most of the afternoon, only coming in to eat. The egg hunt was a success and I wish we had gotten some pictures of it.


This from the blog of Paul Douglas:

* From 64 later today to a chance of slush by Wednesday morning. Welcome to "spring" in Minnesota.

* 1.13" of precipitation expected from Tuesday afternoon through Wednesday afternoon (vast majority should fall as rain).

When they talk slush and "vast majority should fall as rain", this is bad news folks. Spring snow. No disguising it. We're all going to be on Prozac before this spring ends.

wet and gloom

Another chilly and cloudy day. We keep trying to be optimistic about spring but it's hard. We are hoping to cook ribs on the grill tomorrow afternoon and I'd like to clean up the yard a little but I'm not going to do either of those things if it's 40 degrees.

We went to Olives for dinner last night. We planned to get a table but when Regis saw Adam, our favorite bartender, he steered me right up to the bar. We had a very good time and a wonderful meal. We visited with Nancy, a woman we met last time who was fortifying herself with a drink before she went to the Job's dance. Now there's a woman to admire. She just defended her thesis and said she would invite us to her graduation party. What a hoot. I love those accidental friendships.

I stopped another woman to visit as we were waiting in the lobby of the hotel. turns out they are from St. Peter. She asked if we knew Vickie, the woman whose house we were at Thursday after work. They live right across the street. Small world.

I put the party table up this afternoon and started gathering the holiday dishes. I have a cut glass jar I like to keep filled with jelly beans. This year, I filled plastic eggs for the little kids and we're have an egg hunt, weather permitting. I was very conflicted about the carbohydrates this year. Not because I object if other people eat them, I just kept waffling on what to make since the girls are bringing cheesy potatoes and cowboy beans. In the end, I bought bread sticks and settled for Easter candy instead of the Guinness cake. We'll have lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and a nice dip.

We're going to Tom and Betty's later this afternoon for dinner and a 60th birthday celebration. Tom's making pot roast and he's a good cook so bound to be some hearty eating going on.

I've been playing with Regis' iPad. Whoa...very cool. I can see one of those in my future.

It's a nice Saturday...if you don't look outside.

saturday on friday

Regis and I are not working today so it feels like Saturday even though it's only Friday which will be like having an additional day in the weekend. Too bad the weather is so morbid. We have been able to sit on the patio once time this year and we haven't used the grill in the front at all yet. Good grief. It's almost May.

I'm trying to decide if I should go to the Pulse or walk outside. I'm inclined to walk outside even with the nasty weather conditions just to get some fresh air. It feels like a luxury to get outside. I tend to put that kind of exercise off, though, and eventually the day ends without doing it. This is why I get up at 4 a.m.

I went to the Pulse and it was fun to be there at a different time. I saw friends who are usually late morning exercisers instead of the early birds I usually see. I walked for 45 minutes...a little over three miles. I bragged a little about my medal. I told them I figured out that I don't have to get faster, I just have to get older.

I have an interview on Tuesday for a post-retirement job at a local business. They are looking for someone who likes to write, has an interest in food and hospitality, and likes to have fun. I spent an hour on the phone with the person this morning and I said, to quote Steve Martin, "I'd get paid for doin' this?" Sounds like too much fun to be a job. Oh, and they dress up at this place from time to time. Costumes. Imagine.

It's been rainy and cold all day but I've had fun and did a few things that could be considered productive. I'm putting together a portfolio for my interview. It's a whole lot more fun that the last two portfolios I did. Writing samples, pictures of costumes, pictures of food and table settings. Ah, life can be so ironic. Regis has part of my portfolio on the iPad so I can demonstrate my technology skills. I told her I'm not bad for an old gal in the technology department. Ha!

I made buffalo chicken meatballs today. I love them for lunch with a little spicy marinara and some mozzarella cheese.

Finished up the Easter menu and binder for the recipes. I wonder if it will be dry enough for the little kids to look for Easter eggs in the grass.

Regis and I are going out on the town. Dang, we have fun.

a medal

I was informed today that because I was the top finisher in my age group in the race on Sunday, that I have earned a medal. I have to pick it up next week. Seriously. I feel a little guilty but what the hell. Regis said he will take a picture of it when it comes. I would guess it isn't like the Olympic medals but probably more like a plastic cracker jack medal. But you never know.

no snow and what a relief

We woke up this morning to no snow on the ground. We were hugely relieved as it meant we would get dressed and go off to work as is our responsibility. We had threatened that we would not be reporting to work in the event of snow. Disaster averted.

I have been trying to think of a creative pursuit for myself after retirement. Besides my mission to be a web content writer, I would like to either learn to play the concertina, learn to draw, or learn photography. I'm not very patient so the hobby that can be developed in the shortest amount of time is the one I will be more likely to pursue. That's a joke.

Regis brought me home a great pair of shoes from the costume company. They're called Spellbound and they are meant to be worn with a vampire costume. Cool. You want to make sure you are stone sober and walking on a smooth surface when you wear these babies.

I am perseverating on the fact that I won in my age group on Sunday. I admit to myself it is only because I was the only one in my age group, but part of my brain keeps thinking hurray for me. What the hell. I'm not very competitive so winning, or even going fast, is never important to me. If I happen to win by accident, now that's nice.

We had a nice dinner at Olive's last night with Bob and Richie. I had missed my favorite bartender but he was working last night. He stopped to visit with our group when I was in the bathroom. Damn. Such a nice place to eat and visit. They bring olives and the best bread in the world, then you have an appetizer, then a nice meal. I had a green salad with scallops from the appetizer menu and it was perfect. I should have taken pictures of the food as it was all gorgeous.

I've had a crazy busy week with lots of meetings. I drive from one end of town to the other. By the end of the week, I will have a bag stuffed with notes and things to do, sense of which I will not be able to make. Hahahaha! Tried to avoid using a preposition at the end of a sentence. Is that still a rule? I should look it up in Ed's book.

I have not been frustrated by all the driving around. I have decided it's just how the job is right now. I feel like I am tying up all kinds of loose ends and that's good.

On to Wednesday. Stay warm and dry today, my friends.

race results

Here are the results from the race Sunday. I am the only one, and therefore first, in my age group. Yes! Getting older has some rewards!


Female 50-59
Place        Bib #        Name           Age                  Finish                            Elapsed
1              952           Teresa S.      58                   9:37:32                         0:36:33

how did that happen?

This morning as I was taking some stuff out of my back seat, I whacked the outside heel of my right foot somehow. I stepped right out of my shoe into a mud puddle. I had to hop on my left foot to get closer to the car so I could wipe my wet foot on the seat before putting it back in my shoe.

over all that blarney

I feel good today. Like I have passed over the hump and I'm on the downhill side. My wonderful mom called last night with lots of support and encouragement. Bless her heart. We had a glass of wine together...across the miles.

I went out this morning and cut a bouquet of daffodils for a friend of mine who had a wicked bad-ass week. There is always worse shit than the stuff you are wading through yourself.

I went to the Pulse this morning and it was much quieter than it was yesterday. Sometimes I can hardly stand the stimulation. I got on the treadmill with Crazy Heart on my iPod and read The Road Home while I walked a nice pace. Relaxing way to start the day.

It will be about my third time back and forth through The Road Home in the last two months. I started it on my Kindle, realized I had to buy it, read the paperback version at the same time I was continuing to read the Kindle version. Now I'm back to the beginning of the Kindle version. I love Jim Harrison's writing.

I have a meeting this morning but I'm timing my arrival at the school. Funny that I have been a teacher for more than 30...almost 40...years and I still hate busy hallways.

Regis bought himself an iPad. He loves gadgets and thinks this will be all that and more. He said I could play with it and he figures I will want one, but I have more electronic devices right now than I can manage sanely. Last year, I wanted one thing that would do all of this stuff. No such luck then. Now, it looks like an iPad have been it but now I have a Kindle and an Android phone and a laptop. Too much stuff.

The apple tree has tiny leaves on it. It's just waiting for a warm day to spring to life. I saw gold finches at the feeder this morning. Lots of perennials are coming up in the garden. These are hopeful signs.

On to Tuesday.

work is what I do, not who I am

I might have mentioned (but I can't remember and can't find it in a previous post) that Regis suggested I write this post with this title. I suggested instead: falling off the perch with wit and grace...which we all know would devolve into sarcasm. He says if I write honestly about my feelings regarding the end of my career, maybe I will find peace with it. I can try.

The only things I seem to be able to focus on are the things I really like or the things I really hate. The other day, I looked at my two portfolios, which cost me a ton of money and a ton of emotional capital. When do I pitch those in the trash, I wondered. It got me worked up into quite a lather by the end of the day. What a waste of a good frenzy.

The truth is that it doesn't matter one iota what I do with them. The time for portfolios has passed and I can either keep them on the shrine or I can toss them into the ash bin. There is no point in being dramatic about it now. What they represent to me is probably the big issue and it's time to put that all to rest, too. Tomorrow, I'll walk them out to the dumpster and will say a little prayer of thanksgiving as I give them the last heave-ho. Good riddance and it is what it is.

One part of my job has given me palpitations for the last two years. I have an appointment on Tuesday morning with a person I trust to ask for advice on dealing with it but I don't have great hope. I can do a few things but the basic nature of it will not change so I need to keep my head down and make it to the finish line with my ass-end in tact. Kind of like the time Bert almost got that bunny at the fence. They might have some of my tail when I finally squeak through but I'll make my escape triumphantly!

I told Regis the other night that it is almost impossible to work until the end. Things get taken away, people try to learn your job, they start functioning without you. This is good and bad. Good that there are competent folks to come behind and carry on, but bad in that it doesn't take long before you are, or at least feel like you are, rendered lame duck. You occupy an office and a desk but your responsibilities are dwindling. Maybe that's ok.

I don't know any more if I want to have a retirement party. At first, I did. Now, it seems like the whole affair will be so drawn out that maybe it would be better to just go out the door at the end. It would be like attending your own funeral. Or maybe I throw on a pair of heels and a feather boa, have a limo pick us up and take us to Olives for martinis and steaks. Ha! There's a continuum of options...

Is work that much of my identity? I never thought it was. I had a good boundary between home life and work life. I rarely took calls on weekends that were work-related. I rarely even looked at school email on weekends. I think most of this is hang-over sadness and resentment. Have I been hauling that around in my head all these years? Time to unload that mental garbage.

Since that all happened, and I don't want to drag it out again too much...just for purposes of processing...I have felt differently about my job. Less trusting, less invested, less interested. It's like Bob Dylan says, I used to care but things have changed.

Here is probably the upshot. Shit happens. It is what it is. Move on.

I am going to try very hard to be positive and productive and happy until the last day of work. When I get in one of those purple funks, I'm going to come back and read this post. Why should I agonize for three months over something that is either in the past or is my choice for the future? Moving on with some dignity and a lot of good humor. Life is too short....