what the hell happened to a slow-down friday

Well, first of all...a five year old. I must have had a delusion in the morning that made me think the weekend would be slow. We had a wonderful time but a five-year old's idea of slow is quite different than mine.

Elliot lost a tooth while he was here! One day, he said his mouth hurt and the next afternoon, the tooth was gone! The tooth fairy was very generous.

Here is the album of photos from our most wonderful afternoon at Sibley Park. We have such great kids and grand-kids. We had a picnic, played on the toys, toured the zoo, and visited the ice cream truck. Such a great way to start summer. I think if you click on the photo of Zoey it will take you to the album. We really did have a splendid time.

sibley park

Monday, we made our annual excursion with Tom and Betty. A good time was had by all, as they used to say in the Canby News. We toured a lot of countryside, ate a lot of deep-fried food, and made friends with a few bar tenders. There is a place in Elysian that has a television in the bathroom. Wouldn't want to miss a minute of a sporting event.

In the technology department, last week I learned how to speak to google. I asked it (Is google an it?) a question and it led me right to the answer. Holy shit. Who could have envisioned this when I was in high school and boys (only boys) were in the technology club. They would come into classrooms and thread video into a machine. Or filmstrip. It's a wonder we managed to stay awake for some of our high school careers.

I have been working, working, working in my garden. Today, between Livestrong (holding hands to heart) and gardening, I have walked more than 10,000 steps. I love these people in this Livestrong group. They are like magic for my soul. The other day, a young woman who described herself as seriously insecure, burst into a lap of running on the track. It looked like euphoria. Today, everyone talked of improvements they have made in four weeks...and how sad they are that we are at four weeks. Wait until the twelve weeks are over. Tears will be shed.

Back to gardening. I have been through it twice now with a hoe. I am a slow learner and finally, I realized that the weeds are much easier to dig up and dispose of when they are an inch high than when they are waist high. I have moved things here and there, sat back and looked at it, made a list of what to change, made of wish list...and I have enjoyed every minute immensely.

Well, Regis made his A+ ribs on the grill today and I have romaine hearts to grill when he comes home from the dog park. Adios for now!

it's slow down friday

I decided yesterday that I would go to bed by 10 every night and wake up by 6. So far, so good. I need a little structure in my life.

We went to work out with our trainer this morning...something he called negative tens that were harder than hell. Lift the weights then lower slowly for ten counts.

I planned to come home, go to the grocery store quickly, come home and garden, go to Mankato to pick up a RX and Elliot...but I have decided it is Slow Down Friday and I am not moving fast. Regis was called to drive the transit and I'll poke around here until 10:30 when he'll drive by for his coffee, then I will go to the store. I may garden today...and I may not. Depends.

The birds have been plentiful in the garden this week. The orioles are very active and I saw the first baby robin of the spring yesterday.

What a suave and debonair pair these two make as they cruise to the dog park in the new truck. They also like to visit the compost site.

My most recent yard project was making a spot in the garden for the kids to sit. They love to go in there but with no path, it was sort of a disaster. Now there is a path in and out, several places to sit, there will be a strawberry plant in a pot, and some flowers for them to pick.

Looking forward to this beautiful day!

sunny wednesday

The peppers on the grill were...

And because they were the first of the season, we had a special appreciation for them. There are a few left which are delicious in an omelet, or my personal favorite...cold.

We're going to Morgan Creek Vineyards today to bottle and label wine. It's a gorgeous setting, the work is fun, and the people are great. A guy could do worse than driving through the verdant countryside in May to a day as pleasant as this one will be.

Tomorrow I have a busy morning at the YMCA but the afternoon will be devoted to garden work. I shouldn't call that work either because I enjoy it. Pictures to come!

I have another pile of boxes for the thrift store tomorrow. Then on to the basement.

Have a grand day!

oncology update

I had my 18-month check-up today. I think that means 18 months since the start of my treatment. It also must mean I am bad at math. All things were good...BP, weight, pulse...all the usual suspects. No sign of disease is how they say it.

My doc and I had a long talk about my osteoporotic condition. God, I love that word, osteoporotic. He shrugged when he talked about the numbers and he described the side effects quite effectively. I said all things considered, I would take my chances with a fracture rather than take a chance on a bisphosphonate. He thought that was wise and I said I would do all the things I should to take care of my bones but I don't want any part of this drug.

I feel like I am starting my life over after cancer. It's a liberating feeling. I don't have to go back for six months. Not that I don't like those people...I do. I have just seen them enough for a while.

We're cooking peppers on the grill tonight and all the prep work is done. Regis took Gus to the park and I am going to the patio to relax.

morning on the moops

It's chilly and damp here, dense fog earlier, but I couldn't resist stepping out the door in my pajamas and slippers to take some photos of the garden. I love this time of year. My garden is always a work in progress. Every time I look, I see something to move or something to do. I've cleaned out so much in the last few years that I am afraid of having open spaces.

This little bench has been in this spot under the red bud tree for years. Ella asked to sit on it last weekend and I said better not unless you want splinters! Regis assembled a new bench the other days so we are clearing a spot for it.

The cairn is growing and changing. Each time I attend to it, I move something. I let the rocks speak to me, Bob, and they do.

Two projects in process: our patio vegetable and herb garden and the little space for the kids. I'm thinking of putting it toward the front so I can plant some sun-loving flowers they can pick...or some giant sunflowers.

Saint Francis looks out over the garden. He is the patron saint to animals and the environment. He is my dad's presence in the garden.

Good morning to my friend, Karen, in New Jersey and to my mom. Mom has been sick with the dang influenza B virus. Send happy thoughts, light, and love their way.

gratitude

I am grateful for the beautiful day we had yesterday. I worked in the house in the morning, but by early afternoon, we were on the patio enjoying the warm sunshine.

Regis assembled the little bench for the wee ones' section of the garden. I have all the materials now, just have to get in there and do it.

We went to a couple of garden centers to buy plants. Our patio garden is mostly herbs and vegetables this year. As always, I have more soil than pots so I need to get a couple more pots. The coop has beautiful, locally grown plants.

Later, we cooked mahi mahi, bacon-wrapped scallops, and a steak on the grill. I made a salad with the first fresh greens from Living Land Farm here in St. Peter. Oh, so delicious.

The apple tree burst into bloom the last few days. The orioles and cardinals and grosbeaks are plentiful and so pretty among the white blossoms.

Life is so good.

sunday in pictures and a few words

Yesterday, Regis and I took Gus and ran in the Run Strong Race for Livestrong. Here I am with my BC friend Michele and her son, Josh. It was a Superhero theme...hence, the crazy outfits.

I had some crazy ass leggings on and I'm sorry they don't appear here. I wore them downtown later and had several people tell me that they needed sunglasses to look at me.

We hae had amazing birds this year. The orioles are gorgeous and plentiful...and the only bird that will take on the grackles.

I have been spending lots of time in my hammock chair. It's like being hugged and rocked. I love it.

We have tried to make the back porch a more pleasant place to be. It tends to collect junk so my current decluttering project involves this room.

Woody likes the hammock chairs, too!

monday monday

I worked very hard the past two days to prepare for our family gathering to honor mothers and all who nurture. It meant a lot of organizing, moving, planning, cooking, and arranging. Our house is tiny so it isn't easy to accommodate this many people comfortably. We got lucky, though, and the afternoon was beautiful.

The kids were great and got along so well. They loved the hammock swings that were in the porch, they pulled each other in the wagon, they ran around the yard, and they walked on the stepping stones in the garden. They always wanted to go in the garden and it didn't occur to me until now to make a place for them there. I'm going to extend the path to the other side, get a small bench and a couple kid-sized chair, and plant some flowers they can pick.

This is our usual group photo. It's always a surprise to see what kind of goofy stunt the boys in the back row are going to pull. Regis discourages it but I don't care. It's part of the tradition now.

Zoey and Elliot had a little tea party in the garden.

I got three bunches of roses...pink, red, and white. They are beautiful. I took this picture and of course, had the camera settings wrong so it's blurry. But I looked at it for a while and decided it's a perfect metaphor. A beautiful rose, a little blurry, and it's a process.

This is my first cairn. I tried to get the kids interested in balancing rocks but they didn't go for it. 

I'm going to take pictures of the garden today. I can't remember when it's looked so nice. You can almost see things grow...every time I look out the window, the hostas seem bigger. I told Regis that I will do some things today but I am not doing any of them fast. I'm tired of rushing. Slow and mindful...the theme of my day.

Make today blissful and peaceful. Breathe.

retail therapy

I had some time between things in Mankato today so I wandered down to my favorite consignment store. I made several impulse purchases...one just because I was cold...but the purchase of the day was what I thought was a skirt and top that still had the tags on it ($199.00) that was marked ten bucks. Well, who can resist a deal like that? As I carried it around, it came undone and I couldn't get it arranged correctly. The lady helping me said it was a one-shouldered dress. I laughed and said I would take it anyway. Really. I could not resist.

When I showed it to Tiffany, she said it was Gwen Stefani's LAMB label. I had to put her in the google to see who she was.

Two interesting things happened when I came home. Well, three. First Regis laughed like crazy that I would buy a dress because it was a good deal even if I couldn't figure out how to wear it. Then I tried to put it on and it took about 45 minutes and three tries to get it right.  And...as I was turning it inside out in the bathroom, a sterling silver ring dropped out of it. Turns out, it is neither skirt nor one-shouldered but it is a dress of sorts.

First oriole of the season!

I had a busy day. I went to the Livestrong class this morning as a volunteer. Then a trip to see Mary, lunch with Tiffany, and the afternoon raking out the garden and a trip to the compost pile. I am tired but can't sleep.

Cleaned up garden! 

This is turning out to be pretty boring but it's what I write about on these nights of insomniac rambling. It's hard to be witty at 2 a.m. I finished a book, played a game of Scrabble, wrote this drivel, and now I think I'll have a piece of toast and try to get some sleep.

magnolia blossom...simple

I was awake most of the night Sunday. Mary says my unconscious was at work. I took two short naps during the day yesterday then sat on the patio and called friends, enjoyed the sunshine, and ruminated on this magnolia blossom. It was so beautiful and smelled wonderful. Amazing that something like this comes off a tree so soon after winter. It's a glorious day when you catch a glimpse of the first oriole of the summer and enjoy some time with a magnolia blossom.

I talked to these friends: one with a new pacemaker, one who is a lung cancer survivor, one with a sister who suffers from a serious mental illness, and one who lost a son to suicide two years ago. I didn't get a chance to talk to another friend who was remembering her husband on the first anniversary of his death. Life is hard sometimes. Bad shit happens...but there are always magnolia blossoms.

plans and why they suck

I made a list of things I was looking forward to in May. Several of them have already gone awry and it's only the 4th. Ah, well. I'm reading a book called How to Wake Up and I am learning that most of the distress from messed up plans comes from my expectations that things will work out according to my vision. Not necessarily so, my friends. Ed Norton said it pretty well:

When the tides of life turn against you
And the current upsets your boat,
Don't waste those tears on what might have been,
Just lay on your back and float.

I am easily distracted. I read Jill's blog, saw they were doing a kitchen remodeling project, and suddenly I am on lowes.com checking out kitchen cabinets. Regis is nervous but he doesn't need to be. I have had paint for the bathroom for so long I can't remember where it is. It seems like we did all this work in our house recently but it was after the tornado...that was 16 years ago. 

I have gone paperless in the recipe department. I have tossed away my giant recipe piles and have most of my favorites loaded into plantoeeat.com. I love that app. It makes a grocery list for me...wish it would buy the stuff and cart it into the house.

Well, so far today, I have done...squat. 

that was about as cold and windblown as I have ever been

This is a gorilla run. The point is to get as many people as possible in gorilla costumes and have a 5K. I volunteered at one in Mankato but I left before it started. It was so cold and so windy. I went to the car and dug an old sweater of Regis's out of the trunk. Then I wrapped myself in Gus's blanket. This is how I wanted to look...not exactly as it turned out.

I kept asking for something to do. I stood around in the wind and cold for 90 minutes. The last thing I did was stand on a thing that was keeping the tent from blowing away. I thought shit, somebody is going to get hurt. I got a man to take a look at the spot where I was and I got the bleep out of there. Not doing that again.

I crawled into bed when I got home just to warm myself. I played a few games of Scrabble and now I have recovered. Maybe.

life is too short to wear boring clothes

I did some fast shopping the other day. I bought these leggings and another pair, equally gaudy. I bought a pair of harem pants. I bought some leopard sunglasses for my Captain Livestrong costume. And did I mention that I bought red cowboy boots this week?

I have always lusted after red cowboy boots and when my friend, Kristi, won a pair through the Red Boot Revolution on Facebook, I had to do it. I had to indulge myself.

I want to recreate this scene from How I Met Your Mother which I have never seen. Deb sent me the clip.

Buying crazy clothes is not all I have been up to. I worked 13 days in a row (not weekend). That is a long stretch for me and I can say, I am glad to be done. I came home yesterday and made appointments for things I have been procrastinating about: haircut, Mayo, massage, training at the gym, lunches and coffees with friends. I have gardening to do in May and can't be working all the time!

It's grilling season and I can't find my square grill pan. I know when I was organizing this winter, I took it off the rack and put it somewhere thinking that it is a summer thing and doesn't have to live in plain sight all the time. Now I can't find it. It's a big old heavy thing so it's not like I could tuck it into a tiny space. It also kind of greasy from the grill. Today, it's my mission to find it. Nothing cooks peppers and onions like that baby did.

I was going to bake scones this morning but I opted to sit in front of my computer doing this. Life is too short to be busy all the time.

I've spent an hour looking for a picture I saw on Facebook but can't find. I think I see a pattern.

Looking forward to things in May!

1. Seeing Grace, the spring dance recital, at Gustavus with Betsy and Cheryl.
2. Volunteering at the gorilla run in Mankato with Tiffany on Saturday.
3. Going to body pump at the YMCA on Sunday morning.
4. Starting the new Livestrong class at the YMCA on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.
5. Working out with Lucas.
6.  Going to yoga on Monday nights.
7. RunStrong 8K on the 17th of May.
8. A weekend with Elliot when his mom and dad take a trip.
9. May Basket Day!
10. Having a birthday lunch with Betty.
11. Having coffee with Jill.
12. Meeting Kris for coffee or lunch at the coop.
13. Coffee with Joanne on Friday afternoon.
14. Emails from Karen.
15. Visiting Mom.
16. Gardening! Can't wait to see the new hosta assortment.
17. Wearing my new red boots.
18. Cooking on the grill.
19. Seeing Dr. Cockerill and Judy on the 20th.
20. Outdoor walking. So much nicer than treadmill walking!
21. Evenings on the patio with Regis.

That's enough. Here's a selfie Regis took at the dog park. I love it. He looks like the happy wanderer. Maybe it's because the evergreen behind him looks like feathers in his hat!

view from my window

These are tiny animals that watch over my garden. There's a bunny and a porcupine from my mom and a pair of bunnies from my friend, Kemmie.

It's been a week since I wrote a blog post and when I checked my stats, I saw I had only written five in April. An all-time low. I wrote a gratitude list this morning and hadn't done that since April 5th. This morning, the salt lamp is lit, the aroma therapy is on, and my desk is clean. All good signs.

The last month has been full of good and bad. I have said several times that I feel like the clouds are parting but this time I feel like it might really be true, for good. I know this is cryptic but as open as I can be about most things, I want to cloak this journey is some mystery. Just know the end is in sight and I feel healed.

I have many things to write about: going to visit mom in Canby on a whim (I am not known for traveling on whims), going to the Grand Opening of Gilda's Club in Minneapolis, the start of grilling season, the Easter gathering, long walks, my garden, Gus and Woodrow. Life is full and good.

Another reason for my being off the grid so much is that I have been subbing and the schools are like a dead zone for the internet. I tried to read an article in the Atlantic online and was halted by the Great and Mighty Cyber Cop. I am usually tired when I get home and don't have the gumption to do much. And I'm lazy.

I have four more work days this week. I agreed to help with the MCA tests and then wondered WTF I was thinking. I am opposed to those stupid tests on principle and here I am, collecting money to participate. Ugh. After this week, I may take some time off. My rules for subbing:

1. Always agree to jobs in the future so I have time to change my mind.
2. Rarely agree to jobs at the last minute.
3. Never take a job in math or PE.
4. Variety is good. Never take a long-term job.

I'd like to find a little something to do this summer. Not much. Just a little.

So, here I am. Back at the keyboard. Because I have experienced much grace in my life, I'll end with this quote by Anne Lamott.

Grace is that extra bit of help when you think you are really doomed; also, not coincidentally, when you have finally run out of good ideas on how to proceed, and on how better to control the people or circumstances that are frustrating or defeating you. I experience Grace as a cool ribbon of fresh air when I feel spiritually claustrophobic. Sometimes I experience it as water-wings, something holding me up when I am afraid that I'm going down, or the tide is carrying me away. I know that Grace meets us whereever we are, but does not leave us where it found us. Sometimes it is so small--a couple of seconds relief here, several extra inches there. I wish it were big and obvious, like sky-writing. Oh, well. Grace is not something I DO, or can chase down; but it is something I can receive, when I stop trying to be in charge. 

We communicate grace to one another by holding space for people when they are hurt or terrified, instead of trying to fix them, or manage their emotions for them. We offer ourselves as silent companionship, or gentle listening when someone feels very alone. We get people glasses of water when they are thirsty.

pre-holiday and mostly off the grid

I subbed a lot this week so had no access to the social media. I am behind...if the ordinary things I do everyday are of interest.

Today I am hustling to get ready for the Easter dinner tomorrow. I think I worked harder and enjoyed it less when I was working full time. I used to make everything from scratch. Now I buy frozen pie, I ask people to bring things, I have Regis prepare the meat, and I use paper plates and plastic forks.

Here are some pictures from the past week. Woodrow continues to relax well. It's his best talent. He is either on the dog bed on the floor or on the highest perch in his tree where he lounges with one leg and his tail hanging over the edge.

It does appear that we may get some spring-like weather soon. The forecast is for 60+ tomorrow but I am cautiously optimistic about that. We woke up Thursday to snow on the ground again. It didn't linger long but it's still disappointing.

It's the time of year when my neighbors only see me bent over peering into the garden. Yesterday I spotted this tiny poppy plant poking up through the leaves. Hardy little things they are.

I also spotted the chives around the bunny. This is so much better than being covered with three feet of snow. There are almost enough to use in the chipotle aioli .

The yard art is ready for placement but I have to see where the hostas emerge. I have a new colorful bird from Betty and a gorgeous windsock that I couldn't resist.

And this is my hammock chair. It's hanging from a giant contraption right now. We had to take out the spring and the swivel hook because my butt brushed the ground with them attached. This is better. The contraption will move to the patio today but the swing may have to wait a while.

Woodrow in his favorite spot. He likes to roll over for a belly scratch when you walk past him. He also like to chase a little white fur ball up and down and all around. He is quite entertaining.

I better get back to my preparations. I'm going to run the vacuum quickly and dust a little. Not my favorite tasks.

I hope some of my friends and family will consider walking the 8K (5 miles) Runstrong Superhero Race on May 17th. You don't have to run, in fact, many of us walk. We walk dogs, we walk with strollers, we walk and talk. It's great fun and a great fundraiser for the Livestrong program at the YMCA in Mankato.

Happy bunny day!

spring wind and shopping for dresses

Ella came over after school today and had an urgent need to shop. Somewhere in the midst of her busy day, she had developed the plan for shopping, worked on her Poppop on the way home, then came running in to ask me. For the past several years, we've gone shopping for Easter dresses in the spring. I was tired from a long walk in the sun and wind, but how could I say no? We had a fine time. She has a great sense of style and loves to combine colors. I love the socks.

My friend Deb and I have been on a walking mission lately, doing 4-5 miles a day, 29 miles in the last week. Yesterday was perfect, today the wind got to me. It's good to be active, though. I wish I could say it helps me sleep better but that is not the case. I was awake for about three hours in the middle of the night. I got my best sleep from 4-6 am. Holy hell.

Today I tackled a job I have been putting off for a long time. Regis likes to keep all his technology and paperwork right out on the top of his desk. I have resolved to keep a tidier desk and of course, I would like him to come along on that party. I offered to help him sort and organize and make a spot for a cup of coffee. His desktop is clean but we still have boxes to go through...but we're moving in the right direction.

I also spent some time getting organized for our trip to Mankato tomorrow. We have appointments at 11 and 1 so Gus is going to daycare, giving us time to buy groceries, go to the drug store, stop at the hobby store for the finishing touches on my superhero costume. I'd much rather be designing a superhero costume than cleaning out drawers...

Now I think I'll take my headache to bed. I can see a game of Scrabble in my future. Oh...forgot to report that I was playing Scrabble for two months using the British dictionary. It was an advantage because the list of allowable two-letter words is far longer than the American dictionary. I'm tempted to go back to the British one...sometimes in the middle of a game.

Off I go...